Marriage And It's Romantic Cousin

@Gauri03 is that true? Did you really mean it? You must be really special and so must be your husband. I like the positivity in your note and I hope it is really true. You are so lucky.

 

Interesting topic......

I do believe romance should be there in every marriage, but it is really important to understand the other person's mentality also.....some people are very expressive and some are inexpressive, they may have that romantic feelings inside, but doesn't know how to express it. That's why we call some people introverts, right?

First try to read the mentality of your spouse and understand what kind of a person he/she is.....if he/she is introvert cannot express their feeling out (it doesn't mean that he/she is unromantic), then you take initiative if you are expressive.....

Even we (me & my husband) may not exchange the words I LOVE YOU every day or may not give red roses to each other, but still we enjoy our romantic life in our own way......I enjoy giving him surprise gifts....but he is not allowed to give surprise gifts as per my instruction ( once he brought surprise gift, it's still lying the cupboard , so I told him not to bring surprise gifts, better to inform me before buying anything).......but i can see & enjoy his love & affection in his acts, like whenever we go out for shopping, he never allows me to carry shopping bags, he takes the burden of carrying the bags.....also last week when i slipped & fell down in the bath tub, i can see his love when he came running to the bathroom and the way he banged the door to open, i can still remember the expression in his face (so worried & sad)......

May be i am not so clear in expressing my words in this post, but i mean to say love, affection & romance can be in different forms, and every person's ways of expressing it is different and every person's meaning is different.....instead of expecting you first, better to feel Me first (in taking initiative)....

 

@kcb Just like people express or don't express their romantic feelings in various ways, people directly or indirectly express their feelings in their posts in various ways and you have so beautifully expressed your feelings on this topic. Crystal Clear ... (sorry for the digression but) have to dedicate this song to you ... my way of expressing what I understood from your post. Congratulations

 

I agree with @yellowmango on this one

I think romantic gestures need to be present in every marriage. The key is to not expect equal reciprocation. Yes there will be disappointments along the way because wife and husband are different individuals with different thoughts and things might not always go the way you expect.

I remember the first time I made my husband hear my favorite song (super lovely dovey) I imagined him taking in the lyrics, smiling to himself and hugging me later, instead he made fun of the song inadvertently. I was hugely disappointed, moved on. I have asked my husband to write me a love letter or a poem , I have said thats all I want for a gift. Its been 7 years since and I am still waiting on that love letter. On the other hand though hes the man who makes sure he surprises me with a bouquet of flowers every anniversary, vday etc. Once every now and then when he sees something he likes for me, he will buy it, wrap it in paper (pathetic gift wrapping tactics) and place it on my pillow or my closet or in the kitchen for me as a surprise. Once I mentioned I like this cake from this particular tiny shop which was in the other side of town. 1 year later when he happened to be around the area he remembered this and went looking for the cake shop and brought the cake home for me. Even I had forgotten I mentioned this cakeshop to him.
I have heard a friend who says her DH occasionally would cook them dinner and surprises her with candlelight when shes home from work. Although I would love to come home to a homecooked dinner by hubby as I hate cooking dinners after work in winter and I am bigg foodie. But I know I can never have this expectation from him as he cant cook to save his life. I think the point I'm trying to make is that, its important to embrace every spouse's individuality. If your hubby hates greeting cards, finds it too cheesy, maybe his idea of romance is different, maybe hes the kind to appreciate and feel your love when you cook his favorite dish. I guess its all about finding what makes it tick for the person. There are so many routes to romance and its about finding every spouse's likes and dislikes. There is no textbook methods to this and unfortunately movies, films make us believe only in the hallmark version of romance.

 

Romance is a fundamental part of a marriage to call it successful. However, romance can have various meanings as per people, culture and their thought process.

For ex... Before marriage, I thought romance is something like giving you flowers, gifts, nice poetic words on it, and the candle dinner. When that happened during our 4 years of courtship, I was convinced that my guy is very romantic. After marriage, any act of giggling, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, having frequent eye contacts and the romantic bed-time convinced me.
However, I had frequent quarrels with my husband for being unromantic, robotic for his simplest manly nature.

But romance faded out after the initial marital bliss. Once problems started in the family, kids came to the picture, financial pressure, work pressure etc..etc... to run a new life, we have almost forgotten those rosy memories.
Life has to move on despite of the problems, yet we lived.

When we were forced to start our new life from the scratch, after fighting all the odds, we stood beside each other. We cared for each other, supported each other, complemented each other. For that, we recognized each others' love and the influence in our lives.
We missed each other even if that was a simple 2 day trip outside.
We called each other on the same time, and felt happy about how the telepathy is working between us.
We waited for each other to come home, so that we can share our day with the other. This made us feel complete. '
We had issues, and problems with other people. But everytime, we stood for each other, and had complete faith that our spouse will support us no matter what.

When i re-read those poetic words in those old cards my boy-friend (husband) gave it to me. In fact, he lives by the words now.
I think this is pure romance.
He is a gift to me. I value this as a very romantic thing, than any such gifts from my husband.

As we grow old, and be responsible parents, our definition to romance have changed. Even at bed-time, we expect no roses, no scented candles to feel aroused. But the comfort at each other's arm.
I feel aroused if my H could help me with the kids (putting them to sleep, taking them to play etc...) while I do the kitchen work at night. This gives me enough time to refresh my mood, and feel good.
A tired body and mind can never feel romantic with a gift card or scented candle no matter how beautiful it may be.
So my definition to romance is making each other comfortable, by love, care, affection and sharing. I am blessed, as I have a romantic husband.

 

Hi all, This is a lovely thread, and very interesting too. I have been married for nearly 20 years, wow, sounds long. I totally empathize. Romance is lovely at the beginning, and all the lovely cards, letters, flowers are so exciting. We lived in different countries to begin with because of my job, I left my job to become a mother. Now, it is more about companionship, respect and a lot of love. We don't walk about hand in hand, but we have a relationship that has matured beautifully. We always completed one another's sentences. It made us crack up. We still do. Marriages can be easy or difficult, most of the time there are bad times and good times. What is important is to remain true to your spouse and work out the kinks. All the best to all married people and hope that all of you can work out your differences and live happily ever after.

 

Aha! What's this story? Could I please have the link?