Compa're'ason

anjali10 · Mar 7, 2011

I moved to new apartments. We were all excited we had so many neighbours, considering that we moved from an independent house in a deserted colony.
"Domino's Pizza, Bowl of China are all so close by" said my hubby who was beaming within. Then we quickly found out that the apartment flats were strictly for families and found some couples with babies in their hands.

My son was 4 months then. Other 'babies' were a few months older. We would meet in corridors and exchange pleasantries and discuss what solid food they had started giving to their babies.It went on well for some time.

Discussion veered slowly to milestones that my son was to reach. Then started comparisons. Proud mothers gushing "Oh my son, started crawling at the age of 5 months and started walking at the age of 11 months and started talking at the age of 13 months. What a bright boy !!! ..blah and blah..". Comparisons about weight, height and colour, looks was really disgusting. Specially eating habits, their kids were excellent eaters according to them. They would go on, that the babies were fed this food and that food and how much they liked it or licked it.
I felt like screaming "yes, you are lucky..please spare us with the details."

I started slowly disassociating myself from such groups.

Lady with the fattest baby was the star of the apartment forbeing able to discipline her child while feeding.

Then all the babies grew to be toddlers. then again, the topic this time was which child could say most number of words or say alphabets in a row or identify things or speak sentences.

So what if my child cannot speak sentence, he would eventually speak or so what if he does not identify things right away. So how does being
able to speak earlier make him any brighter.

My mother in law would join the band, and come back home very concerned and worried. It would take me quite some time to convince her that everything is alright with her grandson and we can check with doctor if we have any concerns.

Are they qualified paediatricians to pronounce some judgements ?

Let us give the 'babies' a break !!!

I have been seeing this trend for about year and half.

Cant we accept a child as he/she is ? Not go on endless comparisons and contrasts about every minor thing. They are meant to be different. If all of them have same competenecy, intelligence or skills, we would have a lopsided world full of engineers alone or doctors alone.

We are breaking our children's backs by unreasonable expectations and inappropriate comparisons. They are just poor innocent souls who know to play and learn.

Did you have any such experiences ?

chithirainilavu · Mar 8, 2011

hi anjali,

i do understand ur feelings. i had also faced the same situations.But mine is little different. i have twin daughters who r 19 months old. the first concern for everyone was their weight. when i checked up with the doctor the first question he asked was why r u worried abt others, only u and ur husband should be concerned, ignore others comments. as far as they r active don't worry abt their weight.

People r quite curious about their activities being twins like do they sleep together, play together etc. now the comparison is between the two. i totally ignore them anjali. even though they r twins, they both r two different individuals and have different profiles. i don't compel them to do anything and leave them on their own. u know their knowledge, creativity is amazing. yesterday when i had taken them for a walk, i was showing different things and telling their names. i asked them where is light? One is showing the lamp post and the other one is showing her shoes (which has light in it), i was amazed.

But don't u think all these comparisons will keep continuing. It is we as parents should be capable to handle the pressure of comparisons and protect our children and teach them the right things

Have a nice day
shara

anjali10 · Mar 8, 2011

Hi Shara,

It was great experience that you have shared.
I am so fond of twins. I wanted twins.
You are blessed. Its double fun.

Warm regards

Malar2301 · Mar 8, 2011

True Anjali!! it happens everywhere. Mothers feel very proud of their children in doing things as they grow up and slowly comparison starts. In your case it is with the neighbours. In my house, the comparison is with the sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws children. I hate to hear such conversations!!! But no way...have to!!!

anjali10 · Mar 11, 2011

Hi Malar,

I understand compariosns among cousins is all the more difficult to bear

anupamaks · Aug 11, 2011

Dear Anjali,
What you have mentioned is very true. Comparison starts right from birth whether within the family or frns circle. It disturbs our mental peace..sometimes i think that i should keep distance from those kind of frns and relatives, but on a long run that is also not possible cos we human's need people and gatherings. Comparison increases as the age increases and if we take it to heart we feel inferior or we think we cannot compete with others coz of our low self esteem. Kids should always be encouraged and appreciated so that they develop a positive attitude.
So, just take it lightly and as u have said each and every person is different and is unique with their own strengths. Everyone will get a chance in life to show what they are but some can do it early in life and some..later in life....
Hav a gr8 day....

Cheers
Anu