Husband not co-operative

pallavirazdan · Jul 22, 2008

Be Bold and positive. Be analytical. Take the help of the your hubby's best friend's wife. Let her take the lead and witness the behaviour of your inlaws herself and then let her explain the 'real situation' to your husband. This may solve your problem soon.

shilpaveer · Jul 23, 2008

Hi

How ru?

I read abt u evry women faces one or the other problems in married life.the best solution is just ignore him don't go behind him .u and your kid go out have fun .u enjoy your life don't ruin thinking of your in laws let him ask suggestions or advice to anybody just make him feel that you r neglecting him.
try to be happy looking at your kid .try to make good friends and good friend circle.

Bye

Take care
be happy

cauphy · Jul 26, 2008

The bottom line from all your replies is that I should IGNORE him and make other friends. In my first post itself I specified that I am kind of reserved. Its not that I don't want to change myself but people often don't get close to me easily. Like families around my place never talk to me friendly. Just like Hi and Bye type. I have tried to be in contact with a few but they only talk to me when I call them. They don't call me. My friends are ok but even they don't call me, but talk when I call. I really feel alone as I don't have anyone to talk.

And about going out with my baby to parks etc is difficult we are living in a place which is very small and I don't see much gatherings at all. We have a small park also I am wondering how to manage the baby routine with going out in summer? by the time the sun sets it will be bed time for baby. Please don't think that I am rude, I am just looking for things to work.

skavi · Jul 26, 2008

Hi Cauphy

After reading ur reply i just want to say one thing, ur attitude is like u want everything on plate without doing or taking a single step for ur self...

Iam sorry if Iam rude

Skavi

cauphy · Jul 26, 2008

Skavi,

Please don't say that. Please don't let me loose hope in this forum atleast. I am really tired of all the things happening to me. I have all options closed now. Please don't raise a new issue that my attitude is not right. You should think once the time I reached this forum is after 6 years of our marriage. I tried all the ways I can in these years and got really tired of trying things. I only wanted to write in this forum because I know I am incapable of some things. I know there are women who can handle these situations tactfully. Thats why I am looking for help here as this is my last hope. I don't share these with my parents or friends. But when you talk about my attitude I feel like I am the cause of everything. I lose hope on my life when I think such things. I am sorry for writing like this but its what I felt after reading your post.

skavi · Jul 26, 2008

Cauphy
Iam sorry if i hurt ur feelings...but i wrote that words in distress that u r not standing for urself..

As i said before its high time u start coming out of ur reserved nature n start enjoying ur life...we can just say what u can do or give u best suggestion as possible but its u who have to start doing things one by one by urself...

if ur friends r not calling u call them frequently and start interacting with them about their families n ur lifes ( mind u not problems at first)but just share good things ...don't get disappointed about people not calling u...if u want to build up friendship u have to do little work towards it...

with ur baby, plan the day that u both get some time for walk n time for play area...try to put her sleep in afternoon so that she will be awake in evenings...

we can just give ideas but u know ur situation better n u r the one who can plan and do accordingly.....

All the best for ur Happy Life Ahead...

Skavi

cauphy · Jul 26, 2008

Skavi,

Thanks for your kind words. I am trying my level best to change myself. Yes I do call them regularly though they don't because I know its me who is in need of a friend and not them. But I only wanted to tell is I don't know why people don't get close to me. Thats it.

lifeisbeautiful · Jul 28, 2008

this is the bane of every marriage, DH are sons first & husbands later. DH needs to be spoken to in a good mood tht this is affecting your marriage. Giving expense sheet to FIL is the limit. But make lots of mistakes & without confrontation try to avoid this. Be polite & distant and try to be independent. be brave girl. Some ppl r control freaks & we have to be tactful dealing with them. Be nice otherwise Dh will get worse.

lifeisbeautiful · Jul 28, 2008

someone objective & neutral to speak to DH is best bet. I agree ask freind's wife to do this. Also dont get into controlling-reaction behaviour with DH - he'w tryingto control u & make u see his dislike of ur non conforming behaviour, u must be cool & ignore him, once he sees u r strong, he'll come around. make ur own circle & he wil be more in line. dont make expense sheet for ur FIL, let DH do tht. Dont fight with DH as it will help ILs agenda. Fight with Ahimsa

cauphy · Jul 29, 2008

Dear friends,

Thank you all for your supporting words. I really feel better when reading the responses but when I had to face the real situation its kind of difficult. But I started trying what you all told. I am talking very less to him trying to avoid him as much as possible. I am apologizing even if its not my fault in fightings. I am trying to talk to my friends and go out when he is at home with baby. So far things hadn't changed as I just started.

I hope things get better and my husband tries to understand me. Any more ideas for me to implement? Like how to please his parents and sisters. I thought its better to do that first before I try to please him. Because they are everything to him and I guess he likes me if I do that. He always talks about his parents and sisters "ALL" the time. I hope you understood. Is it ok if I ignore that too.