Boards; she and me

Promilla · Mar 8, 2009

BOARDS; SHE AND ME

After lighting my daily Diya in my mandir I took extra time in Front of Him. I was blank, no thoughts, no tension…just feeling calm. While locking the door I looked at her, she seemed okay. Settling down in car her Dad asked her to relax.

‘But I am relaxed.’ She was smiling.

‘Music?’ I asked

Her dad looked at me.

‘Music? Let her revise.’

‘These few minutes won’t make any difference now.’ I smiled and put the music on.

Suddenly her dad put down the volume and asked her.

‘’What’s Hots?’

HOTS? I looked at him with shocked expression was about to say something stupid but thanked god for the delayed reflexes when she replied…

‘Higher Order Thinking Questions.’

It was her Chemistry paper. Science and Math….well I am challenged in both subjects.

Within minutes we reached school and when she was going inside she turned back and looked at me…a faint fear was there. That was the moment when my eyes were filled with tears and my heart felt very heavy. I wanted to wipe that fear and felt too depressed that she had to go through this. My cool, calm, intelligent and controlled daughter was appearing for her 12th boards and this was her first paper. Just few more months and she will fly to skies of life to prove her, to do something she wanted to do all her life. I prayed silently for her well being.

I was there when the paper was over. Students were coming out smiling, running, sad, and happy. My eyes were searching for her. Finally I saw her. Her face was not giving away anything; she was her usual self, very tough to guess what she is feeling unless you really want to know. It is remarkable that where I shout and jump when I am happy or cry or brood for hours when something depresses me but she takes everything with same serene expressions; good or bad.

‘How was it?’

‘Okay.’

‘Ok?’

‘Hmm…yeah.

But I could see that she was not very happy with her performance. It took her some time to get out of it and start preparing for her other paper. She is a hardworking, sincere child and it really doesn’t make any difference how she performs in her exams….. I am always there for her in her failures in her accolades with her dreams and aspirations and with all her fears and apprehensions. She was in deep sleep when I kissed her and murmured ‘I love you’

And she replied ‘me too’.

The tensions, the curfew like atmosphere at homes and the pin drop silence makes me wonder. Poor kids are not allowed to go anywhere. I see mothers fretting and always tch tch-ing as their wards is appearing for the boards. Sometimes I think I am not a good mother. I let her be. I simply don’t interfere except that I do my duty to wake her up at whatever time she tells me to or ask her what she wants to have for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I won’t mind watching a movie with her if she wants to. I just can not make a long face and make her tensed too. I never promised her anything if she gets ‘this much of percentage’ I will buy her that and if does not touch this much of percentage I will never speak to her kind of words. I know she is trying; my constant pressure or ‘BAK-BAK’ won’t make her do the best. Isn’t it amazing that our love and concern becomes conditional to their percentage? Aren’t they already under pressure of their peers, school, teachers, studies and dreams? Why to add to their miseries? Maybe I am wrong if I watch her doing her efforts with an open mind does that means I am not concerned? Or I don’t love her?

I gave you wings my dear birdie
But you have to learn flying on your own
I will be there whenever you want
But you have to fly alone.
Your every pain kills me
Your every flight fills me
With pride and unexplained joys
You are my lifeline my precious
Irrespective of what you be
You will always remain my darling daughter
Whatever you do, wherever you be.

SupriyaDinesh · Mar 8, 2009

Hi Promila,
Loved your blog.Reading it took me to my school days where my mom used to drive me to school every day.My favourite song is always played on the way and i do not study that time.We chat light matters and she has never asked me to study,give up watching tv and such.Same goes with my dad.They know that i work hard and plan my study well.

Jpatma · Mar 9, 2009

Hi Promila,
Beautiful, you are just a lovely mother, do not pressurize, let them fall & get up, just be there when they fall & allow them to grow in their own space. You did it right .
Lovely poem brought back a lot of memories
Jaya

Shanvy · Mar 9, 2009

Promila,

A lovely blog from a equally concerned mom.
I only let her learn to grow, and she will learn as she grows.
Remember the day she knows she has no pressure to perform, she is going to deliver beyond any expectations.

btw, all the best for your daughter.

Srividhya Ramadurai · Mar 9, 2009

Hi,

Just loved reading your feelings on your daughter's first day of her board exams.

I am sure all the mothers with kids doing their 10th/12th boards feel the same. For that matter every mother feels the same when their child is on the threshold to perform and excel.

You are an excellent mother. Your not nagging your child, not setting limits or conditions itself portrays how much love you have for your child and how much you believe in her capability. You know that pestering her will in turn lead to her frustration.

Your poem is too good.

All the best for your precious daughter and may all her wishes come true.

Vidhya.

swathi14 · Mar 9, 2009

Wow promilla,

Thanks for the timely blog. Excellently sharing the emotions of the parents and the child.

Your poem is excellent. The thought you are shared about the role of parents in a child's life - very true.

Keep it up.

Andal

Lalitha Shivaguru · Mar 9, 2009

Dear Promilla,

Wonderful blog...I could feel the mother's twitch in the stomach when I read this. As Shan says when there is no pressure she will defintely perform beyond any expectations.

All the best for your daughter dear.

Promilla · Mar 10, 2009

Thank you Supriya for reading my first post here and for the very first positive feedback.
All moms are same ..glad that you could relate to it.
Wish you all the very best
Promilla

Promilla · Mar 10, 2009

Dear Jaya thank you so much for the comment. I am still struggling to be familiar with the site so please bear if I do something stupid!
Thanks a lot you guys are just too good.
Promilla