Never stunt them with your over powering attitude

CarpeDiem · Apr 8, 2008

Nice write-up. There is a fine line between guiding and over-powering and it's important to strike the right balance.

Cheeniya · Apr 8, 2008

Dear Sundari
'I know what is good for my child' is a good attitude until the child reaches a stage when it can differentiate the good from the bad. Once the child reaches a stage when he can think on his own, the parental attitude should be to show him the various alternatives with the good and bad features fully explained. This will help him to decide what is good for him.
The parental role is not that of an overlord. It is the kind of role that Lord Krishna played in the battlefield of Kurukshetra. He only tells Arjuna the ramifications of various actions and inactions and in the end the enlightened Arjuna falls in tune with the route suggested by Krishna.
Ordering children about may have been effective some five decades back but with the knowledge explosion that is taking place, our children are better equipped than we were at that age. We can now only be a counsellor and that too only when needed.
Sri

Devika Menon · Apr 9, 2008

Dear Sunkan,
A very nice post!
As parents it is very essential to guide the children and show them the right path in life. We try to do whats best and try to inculcate the right values and principles in them,thats what parents are for .But then we shouldnt stifle them . Nowadays kids demand that kind of independence, they dont like to be reprimanded or constantly nagged .They want space . The one important factor I think is honesty , the rapport between the parents and the kids have to be such that they can be honest and confess to the parents about their happenings in life. There has to be a rule that nothing should come to the parents ear from an outsider. The children should be very upfront about everything.
Things were very different a decade or two ago but now times are changing and we need to change with them. But at the same time there has to be a certain discipline maintained in their house . After all if you are a family you need to live like one and so you need get the authority to be able to put in some words of wisdom to the kids. Anyway at the end of the day if your child turns out to be a perfect human being its your good luck and if otherwise its merely tough luck .The parents shouldnt be blamed becoz I have seen in many families if you have 3 sons 2 are good and 1 is corrupted .You cannot presume that 2 were given good values and one was neglected so I guess its a lot to do with fate. We as parents can only hope for the best!
Love,
Devika

sunkan · Apr 9, 2008

dear sri,
i am happy u r among us here, a discussion about a matter that is of concern to the present society and the outcome of overpowering by some parents need people like you,
who have given the children the option now that is a wonderful point here but then situations have been such, that a child for some reason does not appreciate any grooming from the parent.

here, the parent is just a witness to its own folly or doom, but cannot be blamed. wish there were more rapport or a strong bridge between the parent and child for the benefit of the child, not saying nee anda kaalam ippo adu selluma...sundari

sunkan · Apr 9, 2008

dear devika,
descipline is altogether different here we are talking about choices about the child and parent which differ a lot and when the parent says i know what is good for you can be taken to a level only but beyond that we need to bow down to their wishes, my second daughter when young had this habit to prove that she knows what is good for her no matter how much i try to help her the stand was that she knows, like i go along with my elder help her select what will look good on her the clothes i mean and i never see the price that is limited in my own standard but i dont mind another 1000 extra if it is going to be good for her, but when we get home my second one would demand only the money spent on the purchase and would land up with 4 different dresses for the amount, so i had to let her learn her way that the dresses never last well and the color drain and so on, now she says i never helped her.. so i am boxed either way, space a very important matter whether it is children and parent or spouse has to be there, even at the cost of mistake sometime, but let it be in minimal not a great one which cannot be handled at all...sunkan

aquamarine · Apr 9, 2008

a beautiful writeup mom....

love
prido

Sriniketan · Apr 10, 2008

sunkan,
very well written with tips to bring up today's children.
I allow my children to choose the dress they want, provided they are neat..regarding the studies too....if they have any interest, they will be better off in their chosen fields.....true....

sriniketan

sunkan · Apr 10, 2008

thanku srini,
happy that u agree with me, for that matter i think we need the space that i have mentioned earlier for growth among the relations so all can be happy under single roof here roof means life..sunkan

sunkan · Apr 10, 2008

who is this kutti devika,
she has mesmerising eyes..sunkan

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Apr 10, 2008

Dear Sundari,
a nice write up. In my opinion parents should be roll models to children. If they are cultured, well behaved, treating elders as well as youngsters with respect, children will follow suit. Most of the children observe the parents from childhood and try to demonstrate the same behaviour.