Married life and intimacy.. Feeling frustrated

coffeecups · Feb 27, 2016

Hi all )
I have an issue where I would like inputs from u.
I was not sure whether to post it here or in intimacy forum.
Considering more activity in this thread, I m posting it here.
I have been married for 3 years. We are traveling pretty smooth though initially it wasn't so. We never had major fights.
Now coming to intimacy, we do have sex at a frequency of once a week( sometimes I wish it was more) but den my husband comes home tired on most days.
The main issue is, I have never orgasmed once in this 3 years. Being a doctor, I know that vaginal orgasms are not experienced by all women.
Before marriage, I used to self orgasm myself using water faucet directing d water jet onto myself. And I orgasm every time.
My husband has all d genuine interest to give me an o. He used his fingers sometimes and it didn't work out much. The thing is, I enjoy oral sex concept. I wud lik my husband to give me d same.
Initially we had an argument on this since my husband was evading it. And in his outburst my husband hurt me saying I stink down there.
It hurt me so much emotionally that I stopped asking him later. I have sometimes noticed a strong sweat smell at d end of d day. I don't have any infection. I am sure. It could probably be my sweat.
Now my concerns are :
1. If I wash myself or take a bath, the smell goes off, but returns within an hour or two. Any other tips on tackling this
2. Since I cudnt orgasm with my husband, I resorted to my water orgasms. And I have become dependent on them. So, to break that habit, I asked my h to try oral in a subtle way. He says yes but on d bed he conveniently forgets and I m not strong enough to bring d topic while we r having sex.
How do I gently bring this
3. I m really frustrated and slowly lost all interest in sex, and wen he initiates, I jus want to get it over with soon

I know some of u may start replying negatively. But I cudnt discuss this with anyone else. Some sort of positivite inputs from ur end wud really make my day

Tia

coffeecups · Feb 27, 2016

So many views and no response..
Do ppl consider this too personal to b answered

Gauri03 · Feb 27, 2016

Have you tried showering right before sex? I know it can be tiresome but since you average once a week, it should be manageable if planned ahead. There are feminine hygiene wipes that can be used right before sex to clean and mask some of the smell.

Why don't you have a frank discussion with your husband? Tell him how important oral is for your overall enjoyment of sex. Knowing that you are losing interest might make him more inclined to work this out. Plan a session to try oral sex exclusively. Tell him you will shower right before to help him overcome his aversion. Better still shower with him! If you do this a few times, he might get over it and want to try it spontaneously. Does he expect oral from you? If he does, then he has no business denying it to you.

Another thing that might help is using a vibrator. Some people have a psychological block about oral. If your husband helps you climax with a vibrator will that work for you? The bonus being that it will make you sensitive enough to possibly have an orgasm with PIV sex. You could propose this as an alternative if the shower option doesn't work out.

If you try any of these suggestions, then a temporary separation from Mr water spout is recommended. Once you get used to a specific sensation to climax, it becomes harder to do it with less stronger sensations. Cunnilingus doesn't feel as strong as a jet of water, so if you are accustomed to the water, you might not enjoy oral as much as you imagine.

When you have sex don't approach it with the mindset of accomplishing an endgame. Enjoy your partner. Ease up on the expectations. Every session doesn't have to end in an orgasm. Be wary of creating negative associations about sex in your mind. Once set, they will only leave you frustrated and unsatisfied.

Good sex is all about communication. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. He won't know what's brewing inside you unless you tell him. My husband and I started out as two clueless virgins. But we talked and talked and experimented together. He didn't start out knowing what I needed. It took years for us to get it right. Now I can't remember the last time I had sex without having at least one orgasm!

Here's a book my husband highly recommends -- She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

Perhaps this could be the next gift you give Mr Coffeecups! Good luck!

Marzipan · Feb 27, 2016

Body odour can be a put-off during intimacy, yes. My suggestion would be to take a shower before and use some nice body lotion that smells good, like Victoria's secret's. It might help you camouflage any body odour for some time at least.

Akanksha1982 · Feb 28, 2016

Having a "Halls peppermint candy" in the mouth helps while giving oral. It is very strong and numbs the sensation. Alternatively, both of you can give each other oral at the same time so there is mutual excitement or do it in a shower.

Maybe go on to some resort over the weekend to experience some together time without the stress of work and that will help with experimentation.

We all learn and there is no single thing that works always. Sometimes we are very relaxed and minor stimulation causes orgasm, sometimes even after much try, we still feel dry. So keep working on it.

Food also impacts our body odor. So eat more fruits, drink more water, avoid garlic, onion, or pungent foods if you planning for a session. Drumsticks, figs, dates are known to increase excitement in humans.

yellowmango · Feb 28, 2016

Op ,you should have posted this thread in the Intimacy forum ,specially since we have one.That sub forum looks like it has less traffic because less threads are posted there.The responses are usually okay .People tend to reply to intimacy related issue depending on their comfort level .

As for your problem.
A lot of people are averse to oral sex.Both men and women.
A lot of people are averse to the smell .Both men and women.Women do smell strong because of our plumbing.We do need to put in extra effort.

Pay extra attention to hygiene and appearance. Sexy clothing may help.you could use female hygiene products that can make the smell issue better.You could use perfume on your inner thighs to entice.

Even after all this,if he is not keen ,then make your peace with it and like Gauri wrote...get him to try other means .

MalStrom · Feb 28, 2016

Take a shower right before sex. That will help with the odor. If you wait, yes there will be some smell. Usually it will not be offensive in a healthy person, but some people may be sensitive. If you have unusually strong odor, consult your doctor.
Do not use douches or too many products as they can make you more prone to infections. The other posters have given lots of helpful tips.

coffeecups · Mar 1, 2016

@ ppl who gave suggestions .. thank u !!
and thanks for understanding that women do voice their sexual issues and its not always a male troll's sexual curiosity.
@gauri03.. thank u for suggesting the book. you made my day :goodidea:

Justanotherwife · Mar 1, 2016

WOW @Gauri03 good to see this dimension of yours. So far I saw you only in Neurons thread. I did a google and first link took me to a free download of the book you recommended above. Yes, its on my lappy now and someone better finish reading it by this weekend :tongue

Gladimeir15 · Mar 4, 2016

If his concern is that you stink down there, then you have to find ways to resolve it first. Maybe you can try some alum to relinquish that foul odor at the same time it can tighten the passage area. Likewise, you have to engage also. You have to perform oral sex on him first so that you ocan drive him to yours.