Please Guide/Help/Suggest my friend is in extreme pain

If your friend hasn't done anything wrong ask her to stand up for her rights..A doubtful mind will always keep doubting irrespective of whether she is working or at home..Job is the only security for her right now. Please ask her NOT to leave the job

 

If she resigns and moves to her parents' home for 2 years, her actions can be considered abandonment and may give him grounds for divorce.

 

Why? What does this mean in concrete terms?

The whole 'agni-pravesh' thing is a bit much - not to make fun of your friend OP, but the dark humorist in me is much amused at her husband's near admission of his parents as .... hmmm, what exactly? Agni? Embers? Slow-cooker?

If that fellow is into 'witch' trials he may want to read Arthur Miller's "The Crucible".

What an idiot. Sheeeesh. :evil:

 

Your friend's husband ultimately wants to divorce her on the grounds of 2 years of desertion. Doubting her character and reconciliation are just excuses. There is some other reason for him to call for divorce. There might be already some misunderstanding between them and now distrust is clearly visible. Leaving the job will be the biggest mistake of her life, I think. It's better she tells her parents to think practically or else leave everybody and live alone. He already distrusts her then how come your friend could trust her husband for reconciliation.

 

I am sure you mean well, but as written, your posts leave so many gaps in the story that it comes across as a series of non-sequiturs.

Again: Husband has doubts on your friend's 'character'. Why? What, according to him, did she do wrong? That's a strong word in English! Are you sure that's the one you want? What would the word be in her/his native tongue? That may help me (others as well?) see things a bit more clearly.

I missed this earlier - whose home? His parents' or hers? Hers? Really? Why? In what way would this alter / improve the situation from his perspective? How would this hiatus be a character building exercise? I have read many stories here on IL about quitting and doing 'seva' for the in-laws, or returning to India from abroad to live with the in-laws (and variations thereof), but this is an unusual request. And what's the magic about two years?

Are you sure you got this right? Not 'reconcile' but 'consider reconciling'? What exactly is the situation now? What is the nature of the estrangement that demands a reconciliation? If she is indeed going to live with her parents, away from him and his extended family, what's the issue with her continuing to work? What would he 'consider'? How does he plan to reassess the evolution of her jobless 'character' after two years?

If divorce on the grounds of long separation or abandonment is his goal, as others have pointed out above, then what is this business about quitting her job? Or is that a misunderstanding on your part? Does it simply mean that her job and her parents' home are in different cities and no one in this story can imagine her living alone and pursuing a career?

Do they live separately now? Or with her ILs? Does she have a demanding career? Does she make more money than he does? Does she travel a lot? Do professional obligations take her away from him often? Does she see herself as 'social' / 'professional' while he considers her 'flirty'? Is he threatened by the men she works with? Why is her job 'the greatest strength' for her? She needs 'strength' to deal with what?

Do you see what I'm getting at? He is forcing her to choose between work and marriage, without any guarantees on the marriage front. This is a very aggressive move. If what you have said here is true, he is trying to simply 'break' her, by eliminating a source of strength. In the way you tell this partial story, there is something about her career that appears emasculating for him.

So the question as you have framed it, is not the right one. It is not about 'convincing' her traditional parents who are 'afraid of society'. It is about making a sound decision for her own well-being, with a clear understanding of the trade-offs involved, the price to be paid for that well-being and the time-frame over which the repercussions may extend. This involves a clear headed assessment of the current situation and options for a future trajectory. The couples' situation between them and his curious demand are the crux of the matter, but there are gaps in your version of that story.

It is very thoughtful of you to post here on your friend's behalf, but you are not doing her any favors by being as muddled in your thinking as she is. Ask the wrong question and you arrive at a wrong answer.

 

OP one of my friend suffered a similar situation when she was newly married. I think guy's from conservative family have this issue..they dont like it when spouse arrives home late, goes to office parties etc.....my friend infact took a career break as she was unable to emotionally balance both. and definetly things got better and later started working and hubby was ok with it.