mother insists on telling husband about his family

janaka1 · Feb 26, 2016

hi all. I am upset because of many things. On the one hand, as i have already mentioned, my in laws have wronged me in so many ways by being mean to me and at times to my parents too. I am upset because of that. On the other hand I am upset because of my parent’s specially my mother’s tendency to overreact to those cases with my in laws to my husband.

She would tell him how she is upset about his mother or father or borther/sister or extended family. Apparently he doesn’t mind much cos he tries to be balanced and he knows how his family is. But still, I don’t want my mother to be a part of my inlaws family politics and that is why I have repeatedly told her to avoid saying things directly to him. I assured her I will do the needful myself. But she insists on saying things herself and if I try to stop her, she does not hesitate to blame me for her insults and also compares me with my cousins saying their in-laws are far better and they are much more careful about their parents respect unlike me.

sometimes, more than my in laws its my parents to hurt me more. I don't know what to do.

lavii · Feb 27, 2016

OP, i dint go through your other posts but my feeling is
i)Either your mom is too expressive
ii)thinks you are not able to handle situation in a matured way
iii)thinks Your dh is ignorant of things around and should be reactive
Glad to know your dh thinks in a balanced way but if it continues for a long time what if there comes a day where god forbid he would ask her to mind her own business than talking about others family.
While i understand you already assured your mom that you can handle , Please ask her to think about consequences if DH gets upset with this behavior.

anugamit · Feb 27, 2016

Both of you together discuss with your mother and let your husband assure her that everything will be fine and you two will try to handle things in your way. I am sure your mother will not insult you in front of your husband. This should be done sooner because it might not take too much time for your husband to get frustrated listening to same thing again and again which he already knows.

So in my opinion you two should talk to your mother.

My SIL's case is exactly opposite to yours. Her mother if upset with her daughter's inlaws will go on complaining about them to everybody else other than her DD's inlaws side as well as her husband. Also her DD never complains about her inlaws to her husband but only to her mother and everybody else outside. Her husband is not able to speak in front of his mother. But the irony is, she will praise about her son-in-law to everyone that he is so obedient to elders and never speak against his parents. So, mother-daughter duo has learned to play their cards themselves against her mother in law.

JGVR · Feb 27, 2016

Take a break from sharing all minute details with your mom.Any husband will get upset to hear complaints about his parents and this in turn will affect your married life.If you think you are matured to handle things by yourself,stop discussing things with mom and even if she asks you tell her that everything is fine.

kcb · Mar 1, 2016

Better stop disclosing everything to your mother to avoid future complications. Definitely problems will arise between you and your DH if this continues.....