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Please Guide/Help/Suggest my friend is in extreme pain

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by friendindeed479, Feb 26, 2016.

  1. friendindeed479

    friendindeed479 New IL'ite

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    My friend has married a distant cousin and it's a love and then arranged marriage. They are married for more than 2 years, no kids yet and now there is a trouble.
    Her husband is asking a divorce from my friend. He has doubts on her characterL. He has made a condition that he will consider reconciling with her, if my friend resigns her job and sit in her parents’ home for 2 years.
    My friend's parents are very afraid of society and forcing her to resign her job, daily they are emotionally blackmailing her. She is in extreme pain and she couldn't see her parents suffering and very confused what to decide. She is now in a very good job. Her job is the greatest strength for her.

    The following are my fears about my friend. If she agrees to these conditions and go back, will he stop doubting her? Will he stop saying harsh words to her? . He says only if she resigns she will be in control.

    Please guide what should my friend do, she is in extreme pain and emotionally hurt because her parents are crying and suffering. They are saying giving birth to her is a sin and making her feeling that she is not worth living L . I am very sacred about her future.

    Please sisters please guide what should be done.
     
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  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    She should leave both her parents and her H and start living her life. If anybody wAnts her they will come to her.
     
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  3. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    @friendindeed479,
    your friend has chosen her partner. Unfortunately, she is seeing the bad side of him now. Clearly him forcing her to leave her job and she accepting will in no way make her happy. It is best she takes a bold stand and insists her job is important to her. If it comes to the worst, she can still manage to stay independently and carry on with her life hoping the husband will have a need for her. If not, she is better off without him.
     
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  4. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    You cannot build a family by distrusting the partner. More ever, this guy is forcing her to sit at home as a revenge. She should make a bold decision not a quit her job ans stand for herself. If she does now, he will come up with something else to abuse her, more.
     
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  5. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Trust once lost is lost forever.

    Does she trust her husband to continue with such a married life? Is it worthy?

    Parents are not going to be her body guard, more over it really seems weird that to prove a girls character she has to resign and sit at her parents house for 2 years. Then he would believe her, is it?? So that is how one has to prove a person's fidelity!!!!!

    That guy isn't going to change whatever the girl does, she made a blunder to believe such a guy and now has to endure stress. But atleast better late than never.

    Best of luck for that girl/your friend.
    Vaidehi
     
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  6. vani098

    vani098 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think she should give a chance to her hubby.

    Her parents won't support r don't be her body guard.



    Ask her to take leave n give her hubby a chance. Say her don't resigned bit say the she resigned.

    If he won't change ask her to be alone.

    N ask her to deside job or hubby wat is important to her.
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP...neither the husband nor her parents care for her.

    The husband just wants to control her.The so called lack of trust seems more like an excuse to get her to leave her job and get her under his control.If distrust was the issue,then he would want her staying with him and not with her parents.

    Her parents are more bothered about society than her well being.They would rather see their daughter become helpless with an obnoxious husband than have a divorced daughter.

    Your friend should brave this storm and tell both parties that she will keep her job ...rest what has to happen will happen.

    Please advise her not to be in a hurry to have a child with this jerk.I am sure her parents and relatives will suggest this as a solution for her problem.Have a child and stay at home for a few years like your husband says and everything will be all right.Tell her not to fall for that trap.
     
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  8. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    For the time being, i see the most reliable support system in your friend's life is her JOB. Neither her FOO nor her husband.

    If he doesn't trust her, then he should leave her. What is the point of making a huge deal about her job, and asking her to leave?
    If his suspicion is about her work-place, or her character?
    If it is the workplace, she can apply for a transfer, job change, etc...
    But if the suspicion is about her character, it is better she leaves him.

    Forget about getting supports from her parents down the line should things go worst.
    They are already conditioning her and blackmailing for the social reasons. They are unable to see their daughter's POV or future.
    Some parents believe having a husband is what all every woman needs. But they don't mind how cruel the life is, and how unsafe their daughter is.
     
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  9. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op,

    Your friend needs to take a stand and let the others in her life to either support/reject her.Her job seems to me more dependable than her life partner & parents in her life.

    What kind of a control freak that man is to ask her to resign her job &live with her parents for 2 years .........to prove she has character. He is being vengeful ,dominating & is just trying to destroy her with her parents.Her parents stand is encouraging him to behave more unreasonable.He thinks himself as king to order such nonsense.Your friends parents urgently needs counselling to deal with such an unreasonable person.

    Prayers to your friend
     
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  10. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    Man who doubts on wife character for no real reasons, usually doesn't change his nature and doesn't stop distrusting his wife...if his husband doubts are baseless then quitting job would be futile even if she cares for her husband more than job.....
    If he doesn't stop distrusting her even after quitting job , of which there are higher chances, then she will be in real soup....as her parents would not support her even then....
    So quitting job at this time would be like cutting her hands..,.
     
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