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Husband Does Not Love and Care

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by kris98, Feb 15, 2016.

  1. kris98

    kris98 Senior IL'ite

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    9 years of wait...not sure if its worth or not. I probably gave life every chance so that later in life i do not have to regret that I did not contribute or wait in patience for things to turn around and make my marriage a blissful one.

    Now after all these years, I have started to realise that he just doesn't love me even a teeny tiny bit lest how can one be so stone hearted?

    i am feeling frustrated because am helpless and not able to do anything about this. He is having a easy way out.

    It would just take me a few seconds to walk out of the house and from his life, but my concern is when I have done nothing wrong why should I give up on life. Why should i be pressurized for his torture and just give up. Why should I let ppl point out that i was the one who left ....
     
  2. kris98

    kris98 Senior IL'ite

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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    YES

    Why should he change?
    His wife is the same ....his behavior is same,so all is fine.

    Cut him out of your softie heart for a month or two and see if it brings any change.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    You don't have to leave him, if you don't want to....

    If you feel, you didn't do any mistake, then problem solved...you don't have to be worried about him, let him do whatever he does, he may not deserve your love & affection....your son deserves your love & care....Focus on your life, your priorities should be you & your son.....you need to bring that mental detachment with your husband.....

    I was trying to tell you to realize the worth of your life & stop wasting your time on thinking about him and being a servant to him, you need to look for a job & be confident so that you don't have to depend on him and bother about him......

    If someone doesn't love us, we cannot force them....yes it hurts a lot, but rather focusing on that person, its better to focus on ourselves....
     
  5. kris98

    kris98 Senior IL'ite

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    Sure will try this too and see.
     
  6. kris98

    kris98 Senior IL'ite

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    Yes I work on being detached from him mentally. Now let me start focusing on my life and priorities as you said. I am worried because if the relationship with a relative or in-laws after an extent we can take the courage to ignore that problem. But in my case its the relationship with my spouse that is soured and this is a crucial relationship, the one for a lifetime, hence was very much worried to the core.

    Another thing is if an enemy is right in front of you, you can fight it, this is like an invisible enemy wherein my hubby behaves all normal outside so much so that it gives an picture that am the one not adjusting but complaining all the time, but he ignores and treates me like a crap amidst the four walls the trauma of which can be sensed by no one
     
  7. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    Your towards ur hubby is priceless and is only yours...
    Yes , for sure, something has happened which has changed ur husband's love for you...
    If he has heart he cant stay away from your love and affections....so do one thing...if talking to him doesn't help
    Write him an email saying 'You love him a lot , and you are not easily available kinda person....this love of urs is only and only for him and is unconditional love, coz you haven't got the love for which you are entitled....yes tell him upfront that...in today's world when ppl doesn't give away selfless love , here inspite of you distancing urself from me...am still in Love with you...dont know why and for what....but all I know is I remember the promise and Vow I took while getting married....do you remember the vow you took to keep me warm, to love , to protect me to be with me when I want you??'

    Ok, when you have no feellings for me how can I expect you would have more time for me...so let me keep this email very very simple....

    I have few questions to ask out of concern for you, for our son's future and lastly me - way I have always put my needs and feelings at last.

    1) Will you be ok to see your father behaving same way with your Mom (way you are behaving with me )?
    2) What kind of upbringing you want to give to our son....affectionless so as in future when he gets married all that he learns is....MAN cant walk with WIFE to demean her , MAN Cant love his wife for no fault of hers or for she taking so good care of hubby and in-laws?
    3) Do you Love me?
    a) If No, do you by anycase wants me to leave this house and go? please donot worry about world what they will think....I am still thinking good comes to you and hence if me leaving you will make you happy please let me know
    b) If Yes, why this behavior? dont I deserve to get love from my hubby?
    4) Is there anything that is bothering you, can you try to talk to me as a friend if not wife...

    Can we atleast try to be friends for a month? Together only we can make this relationship work ONLY & ONLY if we wish to be in Relationship for NOT OTHERS BUT FOR EACHOTHER....
    Am ready are you?

    At end ask him to meet you at some cafe or so on weekend or pick a date...(best timings when ur son goes to school) u both need to meet alone to sort this out dear....


    My hugs to you and prayers that what ever is best for you works out.
     
  8. kris98

    kris98 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Hyral,

    Absolutely agree with you. Trust me I sent out an email last April (April 8 2015) literally pouring out my heart and my love for him. Till date he has not replied. Guess he is that heartless :cry:

    Whatever you have listed out have spoken about that too.....but still no use. I wonder what cud be the reason. All weird feelings and doubts keep cropping up in my mind becoz of this like .....

    (a) is his mom poisoning his mind against me becoz she has never liked me from start and a couple of times I have seen with my own eyes how she was telling all false things about me to him in my absence.
    (b) is he having an affair - because when am literally begging him and saying that i love him deeply , he doesnt seem to be moved, he has never cared to respond for the emails that I have sent him
    (c)or does he want me to get out of the house yet dont want to tell it directly and earn a bad name from others, so may be he is doing this torture so that I get fed up and move out

    He has never opened up and telling why he is behaving so.............it is getting mysterious with each passing day.

    I had great hopes that he would change,,,,but matters only seem to get worst.
     
  9. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    op, the soft corner which you have for your hubby is letting you down.....sometimes this desire of getting love eludes woman to no end....
    start living for you....stop craving for your husband love and start loving yourself....
    find out a job, you are a software engineer....put your son to day care.....when you find a job, dont share your salary with anybody....stop doing seva to everybody (your husband and your inlaws).....just take care of yourself and your son....
    when you will stop doing seva then your husband and inlaws will throws tantrums....at that time dont explain just sit silently....
     
  10. kris98

    kris98 Senior IL'ite

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    Sure shall give a try and work on this. Most of the times am reluctant to be hardcore since I feel that it would damage the relationship further
     

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