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Irritating Long Distance Relatives - Dooor ke rishte dar

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Prachi.B, Jan 5, 2016.

  1. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    As long as the husband says "ok" they will continue to come. And find out what excuses your friend's SIL uses, and she can use similar approach.

    There should not have been any outing..Friend should have complained of ill health and taken rest inside the room..husband should have gone to comfort and look after her and offered to book a cab for them in case they needed to go anywhere.

    There is no other way to put it, what your friend can do is: ..1. Not answering their calls is the easiest way to convey disinterest. 2. Make the schedule so busy so that there is no time to entertain guest. 3. Say "NO" and say it again and again. No one wants to gatecrash when they know that the hosts have a problem.

    One of my relative is working full time and has 2 kids, her husband travels all the time. She does not entertain anyone. She just simply says " I m working and looking after 2 kids single handedly with health issues, I cannot do it. if anyone does schedule a visit or call her for any occasion inspite of that she says "i'll be busy with office work and children's school exams/ yoga class / summer camp / kids tutions etc etc and will not be available". She makes only 1 phone call a month to extended family and does not indulge in any interesting gossip. She makes her responsibilities very clear to everyone so no one bothers her because they know that she is unavailable from 8-7 on weekdays and saturday sunday she gets busy with yoga class, kids studies , kids extra curricular activities etc and if they do come they have to fend for themselves :p
     
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  2. Prachi.B

    Prachi.B Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks generic for the reply.

    But you know what from the childhood parents teach to respect elders and greet well with the guests. Thats the problem still my friend and her husband cant speak harshly or behave rudely.
    Even when my friend told her mother about their visit, her mother told her let them come as they are elder and they are not going to visit at your place forever.
     
  3. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    if that's the case, politely tell them that they are unable to host them for staying, but just invite them for courtesy visit+ lunch.. One example: A comes to city where B is staying..A calls up B and informs of plans to visit..A says " I'm coming from so and so date, can I stay at your place" ..B sweetly says " oh nice to know ur coming, but so sorry Me and husband are so caught up with the kids studies and office work, and with my health not being so good, things are tight in here so I'm afraid I will not be able to host you for staying..let me know if you need help in booking hotels for your stay and please do drop in for a quick visit before you leave town..do let me know know in advance before you come so I can keep lunch ready and make arrangements to drop you back safely to your lodgings.." Simple and effective without being rude..A mentions again about plan of staying and B changes the topic and keeps going on and on about how tough it is to manage 2 kids and a husband with a full time job..and how she hardly gets time to sleep...thank her for understanding the problem, then excuses herself , says bye and hangs up saying that sabji is cooking in stove or doorbell ringing or kids asking for her attention or some other work. B instructs her husband also to say that he is too busy with office work and will not be able to entertain them this time....One more thing, it's your friend who has to do all the work not her mother or MIL so the friend should decide how much she can or cannot handle and act accordingly..in previous generation, it was very common in joint family for guest to drop in and stay many days, and ladies were housewives, and used to do the work for them . But these days work pressures are very hectic for men and women at office and they hardly get any family time or personal time..along with family responsibilities it's so tough to handle such situations.
     
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  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Your friend can tell them that they are going on a sudden business trip......
     
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  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Yes they can..but if they visit the BIL or SIL living in same city, and any of them happen to mention that the friend and husband have in fact not gone for any business trip it will be a mess up.
     
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  6. Prachi.B

    Prachi.B Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks generic and kcb for suggestions.

    Hope so they dont visit again. But if they i will update here again.
     

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