Is it empty threat ?

kimmy · Feb 5, 2016

Hi All
Just a little background, trying to come out of an abusive, controlling relationship with lover.

I want to break free of it since its kind of getting scary, restless and stressful. Had a talk and said I dont want to be in the relationship and as expected he blew up. The guy is super mad and threatens to shame me in front of my friends and family using the personal stuff I shared. He has threatened like this before and when I said I will call the police and file harassment and blackmail cases he cooled down and backed off. Somehow out love/fear/sympathy i patched up in the past like a complete moron (

Now same story, this time I am very sure I wont patch up or sympathize or fall for love/romance, apologies or sobbing.

Just want to know if these abusive men ever go through with the threats they throw around or just use it control others?

In his right mind he knows i will attack legally or spoil his caeer etc ... I have the ammunitions but i am not that type.

In anger he throws around these terrible threats

Pls need inputs ...

StrongLady · Feb 5, 2016

You never know he might do at same time u don't get convinced. Make sure u defame him before he goes to any of friends. Say he created story and telling etc and then breakup with that guy.
Better u go where hr cannot reach u

maya9876 · Feb 5, 2016

Kimmy, sorry to hear about your crazy bf. Even more sorry that you went back to him inspite of him showing his true colors earlier. That should have been your biggest clue to run and never look back.

I dont think this threats are empty.. I think people like him are highly capable of doing anything to get people under their control. One of my closest friend had a similar experience with her bf of 4-5years. They always had a dysfunctional relationship and no matter how much we tried to warn her she never listened. She comes from a super conservative family. He knew this and took advantage of it by blackmailing her that he will reveal all her secrets and everything they did together to her parents. They kept breaking up, patching up and every time he would blackmail her. Eventually one time when she broke up he called her parents and revealed a lot of details that no parent wants to hear. Her mother was devastated and never spoke to her daughter properly ever again. Not telling you this to scare you but just letting you know that in my experience these kind of guys are capable of anything in a fit of rage.
My advise would be be strong this time, threaten him back as you said about his career, family whatever he will be afraid of. Make sure he knows if he does something to harm you then you can too make sure hes harmed. This will scare him off or atleast make him double think before he acts.

Ragini25 · Feb 5, 2016

kimmy said: ↑

this time I am very sure I wont patch up or sympathize or fall for love/romance, apologies or sobbing.
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Are you 100% sure? Reason I ask - its not only a habit for him, its a habit for you to patch up. After few weeks, months, do you have the willpower to remain strong in the decision you make now? Or is it weakness again and patchup again some months later?

Once you firm up, you can act on the decision.

msindu · Feb 5, 2016

what community are you from and what community is he from? are you both americanized? where do u stay? What exactly will he reveal (is it intimate or something else?)

All this matters to analyze situation.

msindu · Feb 5, 2016

@maya is your friend Indian or french?

kimmy · Feb 5, 2016

Ragini25 said: ↑

Are you 100% sure? Reason I ask - its not only a habit for him, its a habit for you to patch up. After few weeks, months, do you have the willpower to remain strong in the decision you make now? Or is it weakness again and patchup again some months later?

Once you firm up, you can act on the decision.
Click to expand...

Hi
I am fed up of living in stress and fear thats why i posted here for help. The mental tension was ruining my life. I will not budge and ready to face any issue and close this chapter.

I am losing my mind thinking and preparing mentally. I dont want to go through this again

kimmy · Feb 5, 2016

msindu said: ↑

what community are you from and what community is he from? are you both americanized? where do u stay? What exactly will he reveal (is it intimate or something else?)

All this matters to analyze situation.
Click to expand...

We both are Indians and divorced and live in different states in usa. Both in late 30s. Both working in software. He has intimate pictures, some legal documents i shared long back, my driver license, ssn etc

kimmy · Feb 5, 2016

Maya

Thanks for sharing ur experience.he values his career a lot, he has home loan and his lexus loan so his job is his life. He does know that any police case will make him lose his job and get a black mark

So i can ruin his life too

msindu · Feb 5, 2016

kimmy said: ↑

We both are Indians and divorced and live in different states in usa. Both in late 30s. Both working in software. He has intimate pictures, some legal documents i shared long back, my driver license, ssn etc
Click to expand...

you shouldn't have allowed him to take intimate pictures without marriage but try to get his blackmails recorded on video/audio without him noticing. Let him know you will call cops on him if he troubles you. Its america, cops will destroy him if he acts too smart.