Caught in between parents and husband...which way to go

Thanks Ym , Rihana , Brevity, Gauri03 for your support. I am trying to make money from whatever means I get my hands on . Hope it helps me sail through this . As a matter of fact right now I am only working towards a one way ticket . Return I am not concerned . He will do it as per his needs or whatever. As brevity said it right , this is an emergency which taught me a lot about the importance of savings . Never felt so helpless but cant help it. My MIL always took pride in the fact that all her family members were very healthy and commented rudely on my mothers health. It hurt a lot then.They are yet to find out about H's issue and the ensuing drama about which I care very less now. Thanks .

 

Thank you all for your advices and yes a different perspective definitely helps .
I do not talk a lot to real people unless I am comfortable otherwise it is just hi hello type of thing . So this is the first time that I have come to somebody real or virtual to talk about my issues . I chose this because I find myself comfortable expressing my thoughts in written form and to avoid those stares and back talks whatever that happens later. I am bad at judging people so all the more careful .

From his POV , I completely agree that he is frustrated more so on the ttc front than on employment with slight difference . Had these two things been in place , I think a lot of issues would not have existed at all.
Sometimes bashing is necessary too.
We do not plan to settle here . Only waiting for ttc to get over and get going . I have always maintained that we would move back whenever he thinks it is time . Compared to all the issues that ladies face here with their il's i should say that mine is nothing .caring for them is also his and by extension my responsibility , their is no denying the fact. that is where the difference lies , him being the wage earner would not leave his job and sit at home to care for them . I would be expected to do that and I would do it not because of any compulsion but because it is the right thing to do .If only they had showed little restraint and a bit of understanding , things would have been better . to add to it i was highly emotional and sensitive. now things are toning down a bit thanks to IL wisdom in the last few years. He realizes it . Irrespective of whether the lady is working or not , I have seen many people around me enjoy themselves , go shopping , help parents and what not .I never envied them honestly not I felt like nagging H for it . The only reason being , I firmly believed that what I earn myself is mine . I have never asked him to buy this or that for me , however big or small . He buys everything as per his definition of need and luxury . To be fair to him , he never declined any necessities . I feel for him for both my employment and ttc. Regardless of all the issues in ttc for both of us , I have managed to not let it occupy my mind completely but he is very worried , its fair enough to him .

Yes it was arranged , theirs being very traditional and mine liberal from the same community . But there was no hiding the truth . Direct and indirect expectations crept in over the time. Some were met , some were not. My parents tried to meet whatever they could , but apparently it fell short.

Brother is saving and helping father with 50% of his salary , rest goes in taking care of his expenses. Moving to the same city , I would discuss this with him . He is doing 12-14 hour shifts . But this experience has taught a lot in terms of limitations , setting priority , savings and what not .
And to confess , sometimes I think that I have to learn to let go , it would have saved me a lot of pain . what are Minor irritants for others reach a full blown stage in my mind.
I agree that their is an expectation somewhere that is causing the heartbreak.

I am just trying to find out something big or small doesnt matter at all.

Nevertheless I am trying hard to find a way out of this . I just hope somehow it works. Discussing things here helps a lot and lets the steam go off . Thanks to you all.
But not to take away any credit from him , he really did a lot in terms of ttc specially .
Brevity and letting go is still a work in progress .

 

Hello all ... Just wanted to come and update you all of the recent happenings . I am going to India next week . Though the ticket is for 3 months , any reschedule depends on the situation there . Mothers health has come down further , will be in hospital for this month so I could not hold myself anymore . Brother and father are doing the best which they can afford . Brother says that he will quit his job and would stay with parents to take care of her , he feels that I do not love mother as much as he does , no complaints . He can't understand my problems nor can I explain it to him . All are pressurizing father to call me to India immediately and he is tired and tensed too . I was somehow holding back myself thinking about the issues here and back home and was trying to stay strong but now after the recent episode with my mother , I think I should not wait . I spoke to my husband today and he somehow agreed to book my tickets . I asked him for some money which I can contribute towards medical expenses back home but he declined citing his limitations , I was disappointed but then I think ok atleast I can go. Any ways my father is leaning more towards my physical presence there than monetary help. So I decided that I must go now . Don't know how husband would manage but would try to cook and freeze as much as possible. He is not particularly happy about me going because of the delay it would cause to our ttc but I don't know what else to do .i do not see any success in the near future by staying back either . He is taking a loan on the card to pay for the tickets which I would repay after I come back and start working . He is very tensed that what will happen when I meet his parents as I have to get down in his hometown and would stay at his place for a day atleast before moving to my hometown . He says that for sure you have to hear their taunts , comments , criticism and bear the nastiness . So I be completely prepared for it . As he is completely helpless in saying anything to them specially when he would be absent from the scene . I actually feel like not caring for whatever they would say but those one or two days would be an absolute disaster , when I think about it I feel goosebumps but I guess I have to take it now . He says that he can't say anything to them so he is warning me before only . I have to keep my ears shut and stay completely aloof of their blames and comments . That energy is needed to help my mother out in hospital which as such is very tough and painful for her. I just hope that I move out of his house asap and go home quickly to be with my mother and pray for some strength . He is also concerned about my duration of stay but I really don't know how long it would take though my brother is there and will be there . Coming to my brother , he says that he will quit his job and would spend rest of the time with mother . My father is worried about his future without job and uncertainties , me too . Tried explaining him but he is not bending and on the second thought my only friend here suggested that it's not fair to force him to work when he wants to spend time with mother because it would lead to lifetime of guilt and resentment . I thought she is right so I stopped forcing my bro about work . All the things that we are trying to do are only our desperate measures as Doctor says that she should be given a chance but results are not guaranteed . Hope for the best . Post has become really really long , sorry for that . Writing here brings me a sense of relief of being able to put my feelings somewhere and also your feedback helps a lot to sail through. Would like to know how to handle inlaws during the short stay at their place initially and another short stays may be towards the. Middle and the end of the trip . To tell you that we haven't spoken in the last two years so they are sure to blast me . It makes me feel nervous from within and raises my bp . Appreciate any feedback and suggestions.

Honestly I have made up my mind that I will just keep shut for anything they say and get out . I hope God gives me enough strength to face all my issues .

Thank you all .