To Males members / women who have brothers

Saying as a sister:

I would encourage my brother and Sil to live on their own. My parents (especially dad) would encourage that and mom will not mind either ways. I personally believe a newly married couple need time to get to know each other as a couple and strengthen their relationship in first few years of marriage (regardless of how well they knew each other before marriage).

If my SIL has a close relationship with her parents, I view that a positive thing. People who have loving relationship with their own family brings emotional stability to their marriage too.

I would never expect my SIL to take care of my parents. As long as she maintains a warm/ loving relationship with them is enough. My parents have their children- my brother and I to take care of them.

 

Saying as a sister.

I think going nuclear is better if the newly weds can afford it and the parents are not bankrupt with the education and marriage expense of the son and are healthy and can manage their own house.

 

Some parents are bankrupt after educating their female children, and specially after their marriage (grand wedding, dowry). But they never ask their daughters to stay with them, and do service to repay whatever they owe their parents.
But why do they expect the same from their sons?

Taking care of parents should be both daughter's and son's responsibility. But never a SNIL or DIL's responsibility. The latter can only support their spouse to do their responsibilities in a better way.

And I have another thing to say.... What if a newly wedded couple do not afford a separate house? Can't they wait till they afford one? at least a rental one?
Isn't it an excuse to stay with parents? Isn't our inability?

Would parents allow their daughter's new family to stay with them just because they don't afford to own a new house? Why it is privileged for the sons only?

 

So let me know if the situation is like this, The so called boy is with a widow mother, and the girl keeps a suggestion like this and he is a single boy. Then in that case what do u want that boy to respond?

now as a sister of a brother, if a girl say so i would not be able to accept it as a whole, as my mother is a widower and neither me nor my brother will let her leave alone. But i can assure the girl when they are newly wed and need some time alone together i will ask my mom to stay with me. But for a long term it is not possible because though its our own built house my inlaws and mom do not make a good company together. so when my mom is around i had to make plans to make my inlaws stay away.

 

My parents are getting to the age where they should be staying with one of their children.

They want to stay on their own as long as they are together.
As far as I feel...if left alone,my mom would prefer to live with my brother and my father would prefer to live with either or both daughters.My sil is a good person and so are the two son in laws,but the first responsibility lies with the children ,then their spouses.

We all have always lived in nuclear set up and have fairly good relationship with parents,siblings and in laws.I think the nuclear setup should take a lot of credit for it.

 

Didn't intend to differentiate between boys and girls. I was answering the specific question. Boys and girls should be taking care of their parents if they need the help either financially or caring wise. I have a relative who has 4 daughters and no son. The daughters are taking turns in having their parents live with them. The parents need both financial and caring help.

In case of boy and girls, I agree both should take care of the parents and help out if required. The girl should make it clear at the time of her marriage that she will help out her parents if required (both financially and caring wise). I think most grooms these days would be accepting that.

 

I did not say that my mom is only my brothers responsibility What i mean to say is, My mom is my brothers responsibility too..And If a girl comes and say that she wanted to live alone and not interested in staying with his parents then it really matters, Marriage is not between just two, its acceptance of two family.. Myself and my brother must be able to manage each other and make my mom comfortable by making her stay with either of us. Financial help alone cant make a parent happier. its the bonding.

I dint differentiate gender here/ be it a girl or boy, its their responsibility to take care of them. I did not put any blame on my inlaws , I just said i need to satisfy both my inlaws and my mom and keep a better relationship among each other. And let me make clear my idea is not cultivating any view of killing girl child, do not use such offensive comments.

QUOTE=curtainsdown;3670824]Thanks to everyone that took the time to respond. Good to know a lot of the sisters also think the same way. Am glad. I really hope the ground reality is the same too.

And I would like to pose a question to @sugugiri2010
I empathize with your parents situation. I agree that as a widow your mother will be better off staying with one of the kids rather than on her own. Completely agree.

But what if both of this lady's children are girls? - i.e. if you did not have a brother? what are her options then? Does she get a guarantee to live with one of her sons just because she could produce one? The other lesser women who only gave birth to girls are not so lucky?! Don't you think we are essentially propagating the idea that mothers who beget boys are blessed and not as much when only girl kids are born and the poor mother has to continue to produce as many children as possible (and in the process kill as many girl babies since finance is often limited to raise kids) until she becomes lucky enough to beget a boy kid??

So in order to circumvent this issue you will only marry your brother to a woman who herself has brothers so that in the event that her parents need to be taken care of, you can shove that responsibility to him and escape?

So in your case, can we not suggest that your brother and his wife stay next door from your mother OR your mother could stay next door to you (I am sure your mother showed as much love to you as your brother and there is no reason why you have to escape from that responsibility just pointing the fingers at your inlaws?) If you truly believed your parents are your responsibility and not solely that of your brothers, then you will think differently and will act upon it.

Sorry if I sound rude - Its not my intention.

But I want to voice my bit so that atleast in the next generation parents who only beget girl kids live just as honorably as the ones that beget boys.[/QUOTE]

 

curtainsdown,
Indian male here. I'll reject, period.