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Reaction to Others scolding your kid

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Soch, Oct 7, 2015.

  1. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    What would be your reaction when other relative scold your kids for not fault of them.

    Like, 1 Kid (5yrs) would have broken something, 2(6yrs) kid would not have informed the elders, but parent of 1 kid scolds the 2 kid for not telling it before that 1 kid is playing with that.

    similary, 11 yr kid holding hand of 1 yr 6 months old kid but by mistake, the small fall but nothing happened, the elder one oho sorry dear. For this younger ones father/Mother scolde 11 yrs can you see and use bad word. What should be the mother's reaction of 11 yrs.

    Also tell me how to handle such situations, If it is your brother or sister
     
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  2. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Definitely it is a very difficult and delicate situation.I have seen many relationship has broken in the family because of kids.infact it happened in my own family.If you feel that relationship is important its better you don't really take it seriously and avoid your kid being engaged in such incident again.Another work around is..keep an eye on ur kid whenever you are in your relatives home so that you can warn him/her before the incident could actually happen.Try to explain to your kid about the consequences..but it is very common problem which happens in every family.
     
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  3. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

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    definitely if i would be the mother of 11 yrs old would have politely said not to interfere in kids and let them handle the things.
    if still they keep shouting would have clearly said that i dont like scolding my kid for no reason.
    but again it is also important to handle relation and not to spoil it for kid. but this is also true that for kid we are role model and the way we react they also feel secure and know to stand for themselves.
    one more solution is u could also tell 11yrs old(as he is much mature to understand) tht next time some one scold without reason justify urself and if have reason than apologies.
     
  4. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Bhagya85 & Twinkling star for replying.

    She always apologies for her mistake, but if no fault of her she would try but basically other parent shouts a lot before she could explain so she will blink for not knowing what to answer. I am trying my best to explain her that she should tell the other person politely that it is not her fault. Hope she would learn that
     
  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Soch, if you see someone abusing your child speak up. The child won't be able to learn how to defend herself if you don't show her how. If you snap and defend your child, she will learn. Even if it were your child's fault no one has the right to abuse her using bad words. You need to firmly put an end to that. You being a meek spectator won't help. ..
     
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  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Op,

    This is a common issue with many Indian parents. Some of them just expect that any relative, even older kids will automatically 'understand' and 'know' what to do around their younger kids and take care of them. Why? You being the only other adult in the picture have to point out this unrealistic expectation and counter it, for the sake of your kids. You have to intervene immediately and speak up. You keeping quiet and expecting kid to reply will not work. First kid wont know how or what to say. Second, if your kid talks back it may be viewed as backtalk and impertinent by the other now irate parent. So you have to tell that parent, 'You are also here only no? You are older and wiser, still even you didnt see in time and baby fell down. Then why are you blaming xyz? He/she is only 11/5 years old, still young, you are talking like he is an adult. You are the adult. You take care of your kid, dont blame mine '. Or something like that. Keep repeating that your kid is only 11/5 and not to be considered a grownup or in charge. If they are very rude, then tell them they have unrealistic expectations and tell your kids not to go near baby at all. Your kids will slowly learn after you intervene few times to speak up and say it was not his/her fault.

    You should also speak to your kids in private and soothe their feelings. They must have felt v hurt/bewildered by the shouting. Tell them it was not their fault.
     
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  7. Soch

    Soch Silver IL'ite

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    THank you all for reply. ya sometime I do support, but they are telling because I am interfering she is feel bad or cry or else she will ignore. Going forward I will talk back.
     
  8. mimmyme

    mimmyme Gold IL'ite

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    Op,

    Agree...speak up if that repeats...you can ignore once or twice but not every time.
     

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