Is this appropriate?

MalStrom · Nov 17, 2015

I would not mess with your current setup. Once your SIL moves in what is the guarantee that this good behaviour will continue?
And despite what your DH says once someone moves in it will be very difficult to get them to leave if things don't work out. Try to set up daycare for your daughter and take up your job. It is always better to have your independence.

dimhere · Nov 17, 2015

No. NO, NO.

The answer is simple. No, don't let SIL and her kids move in with you. Far too much water under the bridge here.

Maybe I am coming across as a cynical, and pessimistic, and generally a bad person...
but I feel you are walking into an elaborate trap designed by MIL and SIL.

"One year" may translate into "rest of life".
"Apologized" may translate into "want to move in with you"
"Love your DD"may translate into "did u a big favor"

So, simply, NO.

gauridinesh · Nov 17, 2015

Like all the sane people have advised you - "familiarity breeds contempt". Keep them at arms length and dont let the good atmosphere be spoilt.
Like you yourself rightly observed, your SIL may feel like a second class citizen in a happy home. Every human being will have some periods when they are depressed and low on happiness and such moments will be very difficult for your SIL to manage if she is at your home. Even though they apologized, my advice is to let the current atmosphere be and not change anything.

armummy · Nov 17, 2015

dimhere said: ↑

No. NO, NO.

The answer is simple. No, don't let SIL and her kids move in with you. Far too much water under the bridge here.

Maybe I am coming across as a cynical, and pessimistic, and generally a bad person...
but I feel you are walking into an elaborate trap designed by MIL and SIL.

"One year" may translate into "rest of life".
"Apologized" may translate into "want to move in with you"
"Love your DD"may translate into "did u a big favor"

So, simply, NO.
Click to expand...

Trap really .. As per OP's post there is no indication that SIL and MIL initiated the idea
of move to happen . It is OP's own idea ...

dimhere · Nov 17, 2015

sweetestshweta said: ↑

My DH came with an idea that maybe we can make them shift with us for a year on a trial basis.
Click to expand...

@armummy, According to OP, it is her DH's idea. And I'm skeptical that he came up with it on his own.
So let's just say, different people, different viewpoints.

@sweetestshweta, whosever idea it is, still NO.

sweetestshweta · Nov 18, 2015

I am sorry if I didn't make it clear for all of you..I have enough help at home and I have never used SIL or anyone else to help me.Even when my DD was born,I never expected any help from them.I have managed my home,life and child despite their tough behaviour.It was SIL's own initiative to come at my place.My DD has connected well with her so,I just thought that maybe my DH's suggestion is doable because although I don't need them to take care of my child or house,it'll be good if the child feels good being closer to a family member.I always thought because of MIL and SIL's nature that hiring someone is better because you can direct them and they carry your command and instructions.I have no selfish motive in this.
My parents and brother live far away.BIL too is abroad.These are the only relatives my DD has seen mostly coz they keep coming so frequently.
My husband's motive of suggesting this was maybe trying to bring everyone closer or cutting some expenses or whatever but I chose to even consider this and ask you all for your opinions was because even I am tired of always being very reserved and cautious and on guard always.When they have shown some improvement,I should too take some positive steps and come out of negativity.
Their behaviour has been bad and can't be called as a mistake but if,even temporarily,they are trying to be good to me and my child,I should atleast be humane enough to acknowledge that.
I have suffered a lot mentally coz of them but still,I am happy because I am seeing some light,some ray of hope..

sweetestshweta · Nov 18, 2015

On the other side,that doesn't mean I am playing into their hands if they are fooling us.I am not sure if I am going to agree because I have suffered a lot because of their gimmicks but I am surely appreciative of the positivity in my home and life.Its not easy to accept one's follies especially to a younger lady..
I have always believed and also suggested on this forum to other members that its better to stay far and happy than being close and fighting all the time and also one should keep the trouble maker at a safe distance but still,I chose to think about it because I am seeing how happy even my husband is because of improved relations between us.
I'll not decide anything in haste and will discuss all the pros and cons with DH in detail and also the exit plans ready if it fails.But getting a second opinion from you all matters a lot to me.I will certainly not mess up with the whole set up and my hard work of years..
Thank you all for reaching out to me..

yellowmango · Nov 19, 2015

SS...if they come to live with you and things don't work out,there is no exit plan. Who will tell them to move out?Do you think that is easy to do? It will get more and more difficult as time passes by.You think you both have it in you to be the son and dil who asked them to leave?

If you were moving with them.....then a very narrow window of exit plan does exist. You could pack and leave if things didn't work out.Not so easy still.You would both be the ones who abandoned them and moved out.

If things are good....let them be.Let your daughter go to them more often. Call them over more often...as a mark of appreciation.Become less formal slowly.

Anamika99 · Nov 19, 2015

yellowmango said: ↑

Things are good. Don't take a chance. Distance keeps things healthy.
Click to expand...

second this , dur rahe durast rahe

Brevity · Nov 20, 2015

sweetestshweta said: ↑

IWchen they have shown some improvement,I should too take some positive steps and come out of negativity.
Click to expand...

IMO taking a lot of favor from anybody is bad in a relationship, may be other than with parents or your own h. Even if things were always good between you, her moving in to take care of your child is a big deal and I would not risk the harmony you have right now.

She came to help you when you needed it most. Be really thankful. Let her visit your child and you visit them as often as you want. You continue taking care of their needs as usual.

Fwiw I too feel that you sil is truly repenting. Most people even if they change their behavior would never accept their past mistakes and apologise unless they have really turned a new leaf.

Enjoy your new relationship and help her to retrain, get a job and live her life with dignity. That would be a more positive response from your side.