Frustrated with MIL related to my kid

little adjustment is guru mantra for u.
dear op she is taking good care of your son and think how much insecurities you must be having if instead of ur MIL u have ot leave him with maid??
so i guess that it is but natural for your MIL to have some right on him and treat him on safer side. you have much time to make his body adjust with cold water. u can bathe him on sundays with cold water. and regarding soap so oi think u should convey ur message with help of hubby might be she will hear him.
i dont see much problem dear. sometimes problem in reality is not much then in out thoughts.
please dont take me otherwise but ask this question to urself..are those things more important than safety of your child (if he would have been with maid)
relax...and ya regarding your BIL and SIL calling names so u can stop them immediately with firm voice..i dont think they will do this again

 

If u dont like the way she takes care ..u take the control of ur son and u start taking care of him..for thing like bathing wid elders soap tea and cold water instead of asking her to do those u do..u bath ur son ..u feed ur son..n abt ur sil n bil calling weird names its a silly issue u cant make a big deal for that jus ignore ..

 

All the above don't seen problems at all . She is doing nothing to harm the baby. If she is primary care taker , let her handle things her way . When you are these at home take over care of baby and so it your way .

Bil and SIL calling weird names could be a concern but that will depend on the names being called . If you find it offensive get your husband to do the talking and let them know that it is not acceptable

 

If you ask MIL to look after your son, then you will have to accept that you give up control over the minute details which are important to you but not to her. She will do what she feels is right.
The only thing that jumped out at me is that she is giving him tea. Is it OK for such a small child to have tea? As for calling your child silly names, try to shrug it off. If you react visibly they may continue just to tease you.
If these things truly continue to bother you then you may want to consider a day care.

 

OP it doesn't really matter which soap she uses. If it bothers you...you can make some besan uptan and give her to use .
Or you could get milder soap for everyone.

It doesn't really matter.

Regarding tea ....again if it is very small quantity once in a while...it doesn't matter .If she is given a mug full very often,in place of milk or other food...then get your husband to talk to her.

Regarding bil and sil calling him names,if they are not offensive,let it go. You call him by the name you want. If you find the names offensive,again tell husband.

The work that mil is doing for ds is hers now.Don't interfere unless it effects health or safety.
As he grows,slowly take on more of his work.You can take over making his tiffin , taking him to school,teaching him ,taking him to park. Slowly you can increase your influence over him giving your mil the much needed rest too.

 

I can understand your feelings. But since you have married into a JF and not able to fight your nemeses, change your thinking. Thank your stars that you need not bother about child care in addition to going to office. And when you entrust something under anybody's care, it is always best to give full freedom and authority to the entrustee. Interfering will only create problems. For ex., if you entrust a job to your subordinate or some other person, you should trust that that person would do it to his or her best ability. He or she may not come up to your standards, but definitely they will do a good job acc to their competency. Here, the MIL is none other than ur son's Grand mother and not an outsider. She will have the same concern for him that she had for her own son (ur husband) when he was young. So don't worry. Accept her behaviour. If you feel that some of her actions are crass, then you can take it up through some other relatives or somone from ur MIL's side who is not closely disposed with her. As they say an enemy's enemy is your friend, that friend can come to your rescue in such matters. As regards, calling your son by offensive names by your BIL and SIL, you don't get worked up, but occasionally, (better through ur husband), you can convey your hurt feelings. But if they love him dearly, it is a bonus. Be possessive but not over possessive.

 

Pls try and live without your MIL taking care of kid. Once u go thro creche/daycare or maid - then you will realize a new level of whining and realize how good your MIL is. We will see how well you adjust with maid nanny service, you will come running to your MIL.

Short answer: stop whining. She is doing you a F.a.v.o.r.

 

Good you realized. Thats great, best wishes.