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want my love back

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cutiepie001, Sep 10, 2015.

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  1. Sep 10, 2015 #1
    cutiepie001

    cutiepie001 New IL'ite

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    Hi All,


    I am a silent reader of this forum and thought will get some wise solutions to my prob. I am married from last 4 years with 1 year old kid. Before marriage, we had a wonderful courtship period and we gelled very nicely... we used to feel that we are made for each other and to some extent our thoughts also matched.. but post marriage when his mom came into picture, everything changed, I saw, his mom and dad are not close to each other. they are very formal to each other.. hence my husbnad being the intermediator is very close to his Mom... and my MIL started interferring in each n everything... when i opposed... she stopped asking things from me... she stopped saying nething wrong to me... but kept on cribbing in front of my husband.. they both discuss about me.. even she asks minute details of our relationship.. (how I know... i trickly recorded for 2-3 times but then left)...


    Initially we both never lied to each other and shared a good chemistry... but with all such interference... our bond kept on weaken and now that attachment is missing... Knowing him a mamma's boy... i started any good life of my own... to some extent... i have learnt to keep my self happy.. but this thing keeps on pinching me that he by nature (if keep his mom aside) is not like this... we used to bond nicely... then why cannt we now... I try to make some efforts... but his heart is also filled with bitterness now.. and it will be till the time his mom keep on feeding against me... but I still want to struggle and win his heart but how I am not getting...


    Please help me how can i get my love back...
     
    cutiepie001, Sep 10, 2015
    cutiepie001, Sep 10, 2015
    #1
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  2. Sep 10, 2015 #2
    catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    Most of the husbands are mamma's boys. You must accept it. Don't try to intervene in their affairs. Give them their own space.

    You may have a different opinion on various matters. But you reserve your opinions and tell only if he asks for it. You can express your emotions, if they interfere in your life.

    On your side, Being possessive is natural. You should overcome that feeling. Do not interfere in their business. You will get peace of mind.
     
    catwalk, Sep 10, 2015
    catwalk, Sep 10, 2015
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    1 person likes this.
  3. Sep 11, 2015 #3
    jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    I want to understand this before answering :FIL and MIL are formal to each other and your husband acts as a intermediate.

    Because after reading your post all I could think was if this guy is sacrificing his relationship for his parents?
     
    jmsd, Sep 11, 2015
    jmsd, Sep 11, 2015
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  4. Sep 15, 2015 #4
    bluerainbow

    bluerainbow Gold IL'ite

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    I think you need to work on your own strengths and being confident and funloving will make your husband like you no matter what MIL tells him.
     
    bluerainbow, Sep 15, 2015
    bluerainbow, Sep 15, 2015
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  5. Sep 16, 2015 #5
    cutiepie001

    cutiepie001 New IL'ite

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    I dont want to interfere in mother-son relationship but my MIL keeps on interferring in our relationshiip and has ruined it to a good extent..

    I am just looking for pointers wherein despite of fact my MIL is wrong... I can still have my loving relationship back...
     
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
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  6. Sep 16, 2015 #6
    cutiepie001

    cutiepie001 New IL'ite

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    Not sacrificing... I would say.. this would be the situation since my ILs are married.. and as my DH has grown up, he has become a filler for one parent to another... hence he is emotionally very close to his mother.. I dont have a problem with that.. they shall have their relation... but my MIL being insecure.. that I will snatch her friend from her... has done loads of tricks to fill hatredness in his heart... and my husband thinks.. that his dad doesnot talk much to his mom.. neither do I so he has to listen to whatever is in her heart... for him.. he has a responsibility to listen to what ever his mom wanna say..
     
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
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  7. Sep 16, 2015 #7
    cutiepie001

    cutiepie001 New IL'ite

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    This I tried once in past... but it made my situation worse.. she is a very cunning lady...
     
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
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  8. Sep 16, 2015 #8
    cutiepie001

    cutiepie001 New IL'ite

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    yes dear.. this is the only solution.. for this only I need some tips on how to bring so much fun n love in our life that my husband is hardly impacted...
     
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
    cutiepie001, Sep 16, 2015
    #8
  9. Sep 16, 2015 #9
    bulesha

    bulesha Silver IL'ite

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    This is in continuation of old stories of relationship between MIL & DIL and all about power of controlling home. MIL rely on her experience & DIL rely on her virtue being DIL. Even one suggestion of MIL is being seen as interference and vice a versa. Now come the part of understanding each other & adjusting each other. My self-spent 8 years with my MIL though she was gem of lady but even in my initial years with her, I felt the same way that she is interfering in our life. She got a sense of it and spoken in length with me to clear all miss-understanding. I also introspect myself and corrected my thought about her. Since then we shared every moment of joy, fun & happiness. I still miss her in my life because in some moment you need elderly advice which comes only by life experience & no book will tell you.
     
    bulesha, Sep 16, 2015
    bulesha, Sep 16, 2015
    #9
  10. Sep 16, 2015 #10
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Try to be friend with your MIL first. Since you live with her, it wouldn't be that difficult.

    Pretend to be learning from her culinary skills, house keeping skills, etc...
    watch TV serials with her
    Go to temples and neighbors houses and relatives with her
    Discuss politics and daily affairs with her
    Share the cores and responsibilities of the house with her. Spend most of the times with her. Which will make both of you to become good friends soon.

    Consider this period as a treatment. To treat your sick MIL to come out of her insecurity and fear about you. Also prove yourself as a good human being.

    Remember... Don't ever try this usual good DIL attempt by any means. I mean, doing sewa or being so obedient to in laws or overly respecting them.

    Just be friend with MIL. Respect her, and be casual to take out that cold feeling between you guys. This will do a miracle.

    The more she become friends with you, the less she feels insecure. This will eventually improves your relationship with your husband
     
    SGBV, Sep 16, 2015
    SGBV, Sep 16, 2015
    #10
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