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Married woman and Friendship with Men......Right or wrong !

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by smartgirl83, Jun 15, 2012.

  1. smartgirl83

    smartgirl83 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Peacetips....

    Will take ur suggestions and work on it.....!
     
  2. freddycat

    freddycat Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,

    I don't feel the difference between men and women at work. Working for a long time in corporate environment, my view is 'don't discuss personal life at work'. You have to draw the line of friendliness vs getting to close, with any gender at work. Most, the moment you start sharing about your DH or personal life details, the relationship changes.
     
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  3. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    In my view, it is perfectly okay to have male colleagues as good friends.

    But when it comes to sharing personal stuff, especially sensitive kind of things that you dont feel okay discussing with DH, be cautious. When I worked, we had a male and female colleague at work both of whom were close friends. She was married and both were at a manager level - so there never seemed to be anything awkward or wrong about them being close friends.It was just like a mature, decent friendship. They mostly went for lunch, coffee breaks together etc. However, after he got married, he started maintaining a distance with her and that is when it all felt awkward. He would be normal with other female colleagues with whom he used to have a very professional relation.

    Like some ILs mentioned, it is common that once you start discussing very personal things, the way they view you may change and in some cases may affect the working relationship.

    I feel it is fine to have male colleagues as friends, but best to stay away from discussing sensitive personal stuff.
     
  4. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    thanks smartgirl! :)

     
  5. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    rkk1,

    Very meaningful points!!! Precise points!

    Loved reading through it!
     
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  6. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Men are also human beings. Of course one can be friends with them. Only be careful what you share with them. Sharing personal information may not be such a wise area. There are good men, there are also not so good men. You need the wisdom to decide what kind of men you are dealing with and this will be possible only after observing them over a period of time and also observing their interactions with other women.
     
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  7. kylie

    kylie Gold IL'ite

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    dear Smartgirl,

    At work or even otherwise, I dont think we segregate friends as male or female. A friend is a friend...period. Yes if you are talking about colleagues, neighbours, acquaintances then obviously you would not like to give any "wrong signals" to the opposite sex !! Especially Indian men who think of smart, friendly, married women as the "chaalu types". I have never been able to figure that one out !! So, we need to be careful that we dont give them any "ideas" !!

    However, something which stands out in your post is "sometimes you are comfortable discussing things with your male friends but not your dh" and also "feeling guilty" about the whole thing. This usually does not happen if you are not doing anything "hanky-panky" ;)

    So, as long as you are not feeling guilty about anything or you dont hide stuff from your dh I guess everything is fine and you dont have to get stressed over it.

    love,
    kylie
     
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  8. meenurani

    meenurani Silver IL'ite

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    I dont have close friends at work , both men and women. I only discuss work, nothing else. This is conscious effort. I am not a part of office gossip or politics and none of my colleagues know me at a personal level. I dont say this is good or bad, but this is what I have chosen for myself.
    Becasue of my this nature, i wouldnt be the first one someone would consider for promotion, which is a drawback for me, but I am ok with it.
     
  9. shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

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    Nothing wrong in having male friends at work, but, I feel it is better not to share the family stuff that should remain within four walls of home with anyone (male and female) at work. This is likely to put you and/or spouse or other family members in the bad light and the friend(s) might carry this perception of you forever! That being said, I have several male and female friends at office, we discuss kids, politics, so many things at office, crack silly jokes, share silly happenings at home, go out for lunches once in a while, debate etc etc, but, I normally do not carry those home, and neither do I encourage calls/ messages/ mails etc on contexts outside work with any friend, unless it is an emergency or something to do as a family.
     
  10. DrKadambari

    DrKadambari Gold IL'ite

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    @sarajara and @rkk1 wonderful words. you both have penned it down so well.

    @sarajara I wonder if any one could have written this any better. realistic..
     

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