never expected this from my hubby, not even in dream.... please help to decide...

First of all a big hug to you. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Your outburst was normal. It's really hard to keep your cool and think logically in this kind of situation. It'll take some some to get this out of your mind but if your husband genuinely regrets and mends his ways, time will heal your heart...and if you know her name and company, just check whether she's actually out of the country. Nowadays almost everyone has an internet presence. Google, search facebook, linkedin profiles...you may find something. I hope your husband is telling the truth about that...you may feel slightly better if what he says is true. Fingers crossed for you. Be strong....I know its easy to say than doing. Best wishes dear.

 

Seems like in some families, being online and having a virtual presence, and associated temptations, seems to cause a great deal of heartburn - unless one is very disciplined. It all boils down to holding on to right values, and the value system (be it real life or online life).

 

Unfortunately, I think the only way man will be faithful is if he loves and respects his wife more than anyone in the world.

The word "temptation" doesn't come into the picture at all.

I don't know what to advise. Shot in the dark:

Act like he doesn't exist, enjoy your life without him, and pray to God for solution. Either husband will see you in new light or God will give you new husband.

I know one "man" who uses his real name, pretends he's single, and talks to women who post porno pictures of themselves. It's one thing to see with wife, it's another things to pretend you are single and try to make friends (by the way this "man" looks like a damn fool. He even posted a pic of himself with a Mercedes Benz ---probably not his own car).

I wish I can advise better.

But realize, if you saw your husband as a damn, stupid fool who no one wants, I guarantee this will stop bothering you and your situation will change for the better.

Because "men" who look outside look like damn desperate fools.

 

Bringing a third party into the problem should never be the choice. It will aggravate the situation. My humble thought.

 

once he is caught, he will be extra careful and not be stupid to be caught again.

you should have got more details on what was going on in their chat and kept a tab on his phone than what you did.

Not too late but make sure you keep a tab on his apps / phone / history on computer /see if there is any other new id that he uses in history. Now

Having been in your situation where the day i found out about the H cheating - life ahead looked like a tunnel which was dark and it was the dead end.

First time i saw some chat like you did I confronted H and he swore not to repeat.. the same day he created another email id and even told that girl to send a chat to the earlier ID which was a Hi message and he didnt respond from his original ID. then they continued chat on the other iD. took me 2 yrs to know that.

Anyways see how its going for few days and if you find him doing similar stuff i say blow the horn and tell your parents and his.. I was thinking that such things will just create bad image to him and he would change. Till the things went worse I thought i was educated and learnt girl to handle it allll by myself. I was a big stupid.

Your DH's case might be different and he could have cut contacts and its difficult to find out if he has.

 

I was in your exact shoes.

I saw very similar messages on my ex computer chat. When I asked him, he said the same, just a friend..laughed and said I was being silly.

Slowy I was able to see things that I did not see before...he was always on phone..texting. When asked, he turned it on me saying it was all in my head. I never knew his passcodes and I never tried to know as well. I was in this boat for 2 years..too afraid to ask him, because he will turn it on me.

Then one fine day I was able to get a hold of his phone. I saw all the messages..including them meeting at cheap motels. She was married as well. I put the phone down and said it's over.

But for me to tell it was over...I put up with pain for 2 years. It is a course. You are not done with him yet, else you will not be posting here. Let this take it's course....one day, like magic, your mind will be clear

 

OP, Your hubby has gone on this voyage without your knowledge until you , how can you trust him to stop right now? I wud say keep a watchful eye on him. Also get all details about the girl and have an eye on her. Put a mail filter or computer filter on his laptop and phone filter without his knowledge.Keep checking it without his knowledge. Also warn that girl and her hubby if she is married. Good Luck.

 

OP if this has happened your marriage were not as strong as you think it is.He is not moral man either.
If he comes clean and co operate with you make your marriage strong there is chance of improvement.
If i was you i would seriously start evaluating my option.

Work on marriage.This requires husband to be honest and explaining you what exactly is missing from relationship or his life.Yes sometime men do such a things because they are bore in life,job routine etc.They need some emotional thrill.

Continue marriage as roomates or accept your husband cheating ways.

Divorce him.