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Its OVER..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by helpmedecide, May 18, 2015.

  1. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    Glad you got some rest and met the lawyer. Now you have heard the options and also decided which one you want. That is also good.

    Now I would suggest, take a few days, allow the events to sink in, clarify to yourself what was and was not acceptable to you in this marriage, what you expected and what really happened etc. Let the tumultuous events of the last week or so sink in and get some clarity so you can make good decisions moving forward. Give yourself some down time to get over the hurt and then to think about what you want to do moving forward with your life.

    There are 2 good reasons why I am suggesting you take this time before filing for divorce. 1. You and your folks are stressed out and still in reactive mode. It is imperative you become cool and calm, get over the stress and hurt and return to normal. 2. I strongly suspect once they get the lawyer notice they will come back and turn the whole thing around, twist the meanings of what they had said and confuse you ppl more. There will be opportunity for mudslinging and lot more confusion and mess because of course your 'drama troupe' in laws have to live up to their billing, right? So take a breather and once you are calm think all the details of this through. Then do it. Best wishes, dear!
     
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  2. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    I second @sandhya! Take your time... And since you have decided to move on good for you.. Initially i thought you should do something to hurt him but like you said its not worth wasting your time. You are a matured person. Even at a crisis situation like this you didnot lose yourself and act just on emotions. Decide what/where you want to start and start fresh!

    All the very best!! My prayers and wishes are always there with you.
     
  3. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    I advise you to wait for a while before filing for divorce. Take time off everything. I did suspect that something was going to happen why you were packed off Dubai against your will. Calm yourself. Actually your H is absolute brainwashed person and it might take years to change him or not at all. The thing from beginning had been really stupid, Grandma sick etc. I would agree that mutual divorce is better than taking the other way. I can feel the anger and the resentment you have for in laws. But calm yourself. Try to get into the previous job as well. contact them and try whether you would be able to secure some job there. Divert your attn towards it and things will fall where they would have to be.
     
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  4. desposhwetha

    desposhwetha Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    I faced a similar situation and even in my case my H's bro came along with him and made a big drama.

    Okay, now when you mentioned that even after the chat he still blamed you, I am sorry to tell you that he will nevee be the lovig caring and dutiful husband which you expect him to be. He wil be the voicew of his family and do what they like and want.

    Seperation is a big thing. Hope you are working. Focus on your career
    Give this time.Time till you have the clarity and confidence to decide.

    When you are meotional you tend to listen to your heart.
    Make yurself as busy as possible and fous on your carrer and your interests.

    JUST WANNA TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
    Keep your head high as you are not born to be blamed and belittled by some one.

    You can still be happy and content if you know exactly what you want.
     
  5. Lsdonthetable

    Lsdonthetable New IL'ite

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    Dear o dear... I am truly sorry for the situation you are in. I hope you sail through the difficult times and tech a place where you can hope for good times ahead. However, I would like to tell you about what I felt about your post. It's a case of divorce and a private matter. Never thought be posted for public opinion. I am sure many people would have hoped you feel better and have Better days. But it turned out to be a sympathy gathering place which could have made a little damage. My sincere request is to keep a list of three people whom you would want advice from. just discuss with two of those people. Posting here is making your case even weak and making you weak. I am not a marriage counsellor but no one is here. Everyone suggests a new thing and you might have a mix of ideas before you think of one of the most important things if your life.

    regards
     
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