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Need help with my wife's attitude.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Marigold83, Jul 6, 2015.

  1. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Its not a question of sharing work , its a question of mutual respect too. All through the posts it comes across that the wife is treated less than OP and his mother. This attitude is very common across India unless the woman concerned becomes a MIL ie only for mthers of sons. And the posters who support this, frankly I dont know what to think of them.
     
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  2. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    once again sharing my perspective with the experience of living with In laws..

    more often than not the DILs imagine their freedom to be curtailed. The ILs would not even think to objecting to something they intend to do. But the DIL imagines her MIL to say something nasty and chooses not to do things she wishes to do. See if you can talk to her, make her realise that she "might" be imagining authority where none exists.

    Also the general discipline in the house when ILs are around sometimes can be an irritant. Things like you do not have an option to wake up late, have a brunch instead of a breakfast and lunch or a late lunch or skipping your religious routines (if any) for a couple of days or just laze around in the house in your pyjamas doing nothing. These are not "given" for a DIL living with ILs.

    When my ILs used to travel back to India for a couple of weeks, I used to do all of these to my heart's content. But just for a couple of days.. post the initial enthusiasm of this new found freedom, the glamour of it dies down.... trust me it does die down.

    See if you can do something about this "imagined" lack of freedom.
     
  3. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    She had a baby? How about saying "we had a baby"? Not being judgemental here but your sentence alone shows how supportive you are of your wife. You have nothing nice to say about her...... repeated grumbles and complains only!

    If I were her, I would start working and let MIL take care of the kids. Then ask MIL exactly the same questions she asked your wife!.
     
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  4. Marigold83

    Marigold83 New IL'ite

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    I found solace from your response. Thank you.

    Was kinda feeling as if guns were being pointed at me from all directions.
     
  5. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    A very wrong way of looking at life ..."My happiness" can never be dependent on someone else's "death". This equation is so wrong and more importantly what makes her think that your mother is first in the queue for "death". It could be anyone..... you, her, her mother, her father, her brother, her new SIL... anyone...isn't it??
    I get real pissed when some one talks loosely like this.. taking "life" completely for granted.

    If you cannot be Happy "today" with all the gifts that you so take for granted .. rest assured you can never be happy with or without a MIL.

    come to think of it... we take for granted simple things like sight and speach. We are not fighting some deadly diseases day in and day out. We actually have nothing to crib about.

    She has to really find something else to do other than crib day in and day out without doing anything about it herself or getting herself some distraction. If she needs peace she has to work towards it.

    In your position all you can to is help and encourage her as much as you can.
     
  6. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    BTW.. did she know from the beginning that she was getting into this set up??
     
  7. Marigold83

    Marigold83 New IL'ite

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    You mean living with the MIL after marriage? Yes.

    When we got engaged, even my Dad was there. But he expired exactly a month before our marriage.
     
  8. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you been living with your parents before the marriage?
     
  9. Marigold83

    Marigold83 New IL'ite

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    Yes. All my life.
     
  10. AprilLisa

    AprilLisa Gold IL'ite

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    For that all the people involved in the conference has to grow up. And if they had grown up already, these problems would have found their exit long back.... :)
     
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