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Is it co-incidence or something fishy? Please clarify !!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SGBV, Jul 6, 2015.

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  1. silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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    SGBV,

    You keeping the pooja room unclean. You entering the Pooja room sometimes while on periods--------->God gets irritated------->God thinks, "look, how unclean this lady keeps my room and she enters pooja room with periods--------> God punishes you, in turn, with financial failures, failures in personal life, difficulties in your work set up and illness to your family members !

    Oh ! Come on ! Getting irritated and taking revenge on , are HUMAN BEINGS' characters, not God's.

    God is one Supreme Force, high above your and my assessment of him. Though God is only one, for all in this planet, depending upon the culture and background, every religion evolved.

    Hindu religion evolved ( I am a Hindu) with these faiths, an angry God, a revenge taking God and a God, who becomes pleased, the more one recites his name. (Is God so selfish ?).

    I just believe in God, it is the Supreme Force governing this Universe, much beyond the human qualities of 'cleanliness', 'getting angry', 'reciting his names', and 'pleasing him' etc.

    When successive failures happen, every one like you, connects between two things like this. Human mind is most vulnerable during failures ! Not God's mind !
     
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  2. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear SGBV, it is just a coincidence that all these things are happening. So don't worry that all these are happening because you are not following some old purity stuff. However, your husband should keep the place clean, just as we keep the rest of house clean, more from avoiding insects due to rotten fruits or prasadam. Don't feel that God is punishing you since you are going in that room during your periods or without a bath.

    I don't understand the restriction that you can't have pictures or what not of your religion too side by side. It is ok if it is personal preference but can't understand the feeling, "i will not have mine and he will not have his". The children will grow up and have their own beliefs. Who knows they may choose one or the other or no religion at all and all of those choices are perfectly fine.

    I am a hindu, do poojas, follow rituals but at the same time, sometimes i visit mosque, churches, gurudwara, etc as personally i believe there is only God and just many religion. Just as all the rivers go to the ocean, all religion lead to the same God. Just as we name ocean differently even though it is one (pacific, atlantic, indian, etc), God is just called by different names. God doesn't punish anyone for not maintaining the pooja place or not remembering him. If that were true, Atheist life would have been horrible. So please remove such thoughts from your mind.
     
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  3. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    I have been going to temples on my periods since my 8th grade. My thought is god will punish me for my evil actions not because I go temple with my body designed to function the way nature as intended.

    My fiancee is a hardcore atheist, follower of periyar. But does not stop me from doing anything and I do not force him to go to temple with me. We both have our ups and downs like every single human in the world. Praying to god has not protected me from reality called life..but has given me the strength.

    If it really bothers you, consult a priest so you can feel peaceful
     
  4. Dawn

    Dawn New IL'ite

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    Hi SGBV, I think the biggest mistake was for you to let your husband undertake pooja himself, when he neither has the space for a proper pooja room nor the time to do pooja and clean the place everyday. What I feel is that even if all your present problems subside, you will always feel uncomfortable about wether your husband is doing the puja right (refer - all the discussions about wether direction is correct, the lamp direction is correct etc) and if all the rituals are being followed correctly. You are not alone ... most of us would be sure the husband is surely making a mess of it :)
    I suggest you have a discussion with him regarding this and either you go back to the original agreement or maybe the puja space could be shifted (rotting bananas and fruits are not good in whatever case) or someone could clean it and at least light the lamp daily.
    whatever you do ...please sort this out as soon as possible. This brainwave of your MIL will only create an undesirable tension nothing else.
     
  5. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

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    How can God punish when Love is the only language he understands :)

    I appreciate you respecting each other's religions. I cannot comment on using the room during periods, because I use it regardless. I have a small wall drop which is used for pujas. I close it after pujas. I am born in an orthodox family where every strict rule was followed. But here in the USA, i am left with no option. In my opinion, God made me a woman and he gifted me with periods too. So I do not think he would punish me for being in my periods. I dont lit lamp, I dont do my prayers while in periods, my dh does the puja. Rest everything is the same.

    cleaning the puja room would not do any harm. This is mere a coincidence, please ignore other stuffs. I would say you are good because God is with you(well, my opinion).. Be positive. If you still feel bad, bring a priest. But remember, it is all your belief that matters.
     
  6. IndoCadWife

    IndoCadWife New IL'ite

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    Dear SGBV,

    You are one of the most mature members of the group. Being from a spiritual side (I'm myself a Hindu though), I would say that a puja ghar at home can never do wrong. Most likely it is a co-incidence. Ehat I can suggest is follow two things - Feng Shui and check horoscope. Both aren't related to Religion but will give you the insight with what is happening at your house.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I second that. Irrespective of prior agreements and what relatives will say etc, this needs to be done.

    Or change that almirah into a 'walk-in area' by putting up a wooden partition. Something like a walk-in closet. It will eat into the bedroom space, but somehow bedroom and idols/pics etc don't go well together. Another option would be a high shelf in the kitchen. Or something in the hall.
     
  8. VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi SGBV,

    If we plan to keep a pooja room.. it would be appropriate to keep it in a proper way. There are lot of scientific reasons to the positions of these idols.. the direction they are kept. to the material they are made of.
    Though I would not attribute the bad lucks to the pooja room being installed.. it is better to keep the way they are supposed to bring in lot of positive energy than negative energy. Good luck !
     
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  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    @SGBV we have a saying in tamil "kokku ukkara panam pazham vilundadam" i think there is an equivalent in all other languages though it eludes me right now.

    the meaning is the bird sat on the palm tree, and the fruit fell down. it could have been a ripe fruit that was to fall down and it was a coincidence that the bird sat on that tree.

    human mind tries to find solace in different ways. when there is too many things happening, more negative, you want to attribute or find something/someone to shoulder the responsibility of the same. The most practical mind too falls into the trap when it is hit continuously by events that effect them in the negative.

    let me ask you a simple question - forget what the friend said. suppose, you had got a windfall with your business, the other things too happened positive, would you have been generous enough to attribute the same to the pooja room, i don't think so. knowing you for quite some time, you would have found reasons to generalize the same. and another question, i hope you don't take it wrong.. if your husband's pooja room was creating negativity, then it should have been balanced by your prayers. i am sure in-laws would have the same thought if you were to question them.

    let us look at the incidents:

    1. at the office. all along you did not have a supervisor, you got used to working on your terms. many of us get used to that and it becomes very difficult to get back to being under a boss. (that the boss may /maynot be irritating bitchy is immaterial. too many things going on in your life at the moment, even a normal thing can look demanding..)

    2. your son, it is common in that age, to do that. you and he will find a footing soon.

    3. illness - so you have a family of kids, adults. kids at that age do get sick. sometimes it just is severe..part of life. (do we question why me when we are in the pink of health while there are many who suffer, no.) your mom is already sick. so her going to the hospital happens. i know being in and out of hospital continuously plays on our mind a lot. i would just accept that it was minor, and we are out of it. Irrespective of praying to a hindu/christian god, i believe that with the protection of the power above, you are able to manage it.

    4.Business unless you have the risk appetite for it, you should not enter into one. the tide changes in the matter of a blink of an eye. you know the business environment is highly dependent on the political and the world economics. do you mean that your pooja room was responsible for the changes in the political side ..(just trying to reason out..). and for something to really work, loads of hardwork has to be there @SGBV to keep the shhow in the green beyond the beginnners' luck. Your husband needs to tighten the reins on the business and also understand and learn from these mistakes. there should be a buffer for all these un predictable instances. (I don't want to go beyond this on the business part..)


    Now coming to the scenario -

    We have lived in studio like apartment early in my marriage. we used to have a altar at corner with a curtain keeping it away from the regular usage area. we have our own ways. not too orthodox, but yet we did not pray during the periods.

    that does not mean we don't pray or chant slokas during our periods, or when we are grieving, we do. even in the middle of the night, when i am disturbed i do take god's name, so it is the same in all religion.
    we do not do poojas that require a certain system of doing things. i do not compromise on the sanctity of these rituals and that is a personal choice, and i do not question or demand the same of others.

    A rotting prasadam is a no. your son sleeps in that bedroom. a fungus spreading in the bedroom is a no.

    i would love to say bring up yours kids tolerant to both religion (we do have the bible, quran at home. my son knows all that is there in the bible and quran as much as he knows of the gita.). you can infact ask your son to clean it. talk to your husband that since he has a pooja altar, he needs to keep it clean. so the oil can , the other things that break can be kept away from your son's reach. you can have a small bulb for the same, that can be switched on by your son. it is all in the mind.

    No religion started with idol worship.but we do have idol worship in hinduism and the scientists are sometimes baffled at the knowledge and the theories that have gone into construction of these very temples and yantras that we do pray to.
    (again not going to go into any details..)

    the whole post shows that you and your husband need to sit down and talk more on your take on each other's religion. because inspite of what you say you are not exactly tolerant love..(i could have skirted around it but somebody has to say it ) Acceptance of your spouse's religion takes more than bearing with each other's rituals..

    I know a couple from il. the husband is a hindu married to a muslim. the wife does all that is needed and helps the husband for all his festivals and poojas and prays too. the wife fasts for ramadaan and the child and the husband do it too.

    You could de-clutter and see to that you arrange your house better. no proper space around when you have two more floors in the house is a big negative for me. infact if you do not want to have visiblity, give a pooja room for your husband in his office room, where he can do his pooja and take it from there. you can just switch on the light in that room when he is not there. no god asks for what you cannot do. and no god punishes you for doing something wrong or right. if it were so, you would be surprised at how many will remain uneffected.

    so let go of this feeling. and look at the bigger picture and come to a better way of doing things..

    and remember this too shall pass..
     
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  10. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @shanvy

    Thanks for your detailed response. I think you got me wrong. Completely wrong. Perhaps my OP and other posts sound as if I am a bit intolerant to other religions. I am sorry.

    Me and my husband dated for 5 long years before marriage. During these years our only concern was all about the religious matters that matter to our marriage. We discussed a lot to understand where we could adjust, tolerate and not. Once agreed upon on various facts, we decided to enter into a committed relationship based on mutual trust.

    Its been never an issue so far.

    The basic ground rule on this agreement is to follow your religion as much as you want, but don't dumb it on the other person.

    I do pray on a daily basis, fast and sing for god. I attend church, prayer meetings and invite people to discuss religion at our home. My husband entertain all this with us happily.

    Like wise, my husband also do the prayers, fasting and sometimes pooja too at home.
    We celebrate each others festivals by learning the customs and enjoy those days with kids.
    Our kids get to know both religious matters, festivals and they are exposed to all of these diverse practices.

    However, if I want to celebrate x mas at home as per Christian way, I should take the lead and guide others accordingly. If not, my husband can only celebrate X mas as per Hindu custom, Eg: Sakkarai pongal for x mas which doesn't go well.
    It is the same story for me. Even I have had all the bad experience of making fried chicken rice for the Hindu/Tamil new year as the way we do for the English new year and spoiled the whole day/year.
    Given the fact that we are yet to completely understand the customs of each, we decided to take lead should we desire anything religious at home.

    I have absolutely no issues about my husband's Pooja room set up, even if that is in our bed room. However, he should know certain restrictions (such as periods, no head bath, meat eating) can't be forced on us for this purpose.
    If that is fine with him (i guess so), he can have it. But again, he can't expect me to clean it or light lamp for it or take the lead.
    Even I can support him doing this, but he or his mother can't blame me for any bad happenings for my impurity.
    If my husband can't maintain a pooja space at our home, better he shouldn't have one. Simple.

    I am prone to problems in life. They are part and parcel of my life after marriage for whatever the reasons. I am strong enough to face them, and faithful enough that my prayers will take away all the problems from me.
    However, I don't want to hear anything like "don't enter the 2nd bed room before head bath (come on - I wash my hair only 3 days in a week) and during periods. Light lamp every day to pooja room, open the almyrah and clean it. You didn't follow the rituals, that is why all bad things are happening.
    I mean, I don't want to be blamed for being myself at my own home for the problems that everyone suffer.

    It feels as if something encroached my home, and making my stay uncomfortable.

    If hanging wall pictures or pooja room matter is that sensitive, then my H should have open enough to discuss this before marriage to see whether I am tolerant enough for this to live with him.

    Also, he knows that I never hand any pics of Jesus or any bible wordings that comes was wooden wall hangers in the wall. My children don't wear a cross in their chain, and don't bear a Christian name either - Although I was desperate about them before.
    For me, this is what called tolerance. I.e doing what is convenient to your spouse. Not like expecting your spouse to be tolerant to what is convenient to you.

    Our family was more open and happy when we had no religious propaganda in place. No paryer room, no pooja room. As much as we wanted, we prayed and related to God.. and accessed prayer room or pooja room from relatives (my bro and his parents live in the same lane).

    @Shanvy, your narration sound as if I am so intolerant, not loving and raising kids as per one religion. I am sure others are gonna advice me as to how to be more tolerant, thus I am afraid, the purpose of OP will be comfortably covered after a few posts.

    I know how to approach this practically as I always think these are co-incidence and some bad luck for me. I pray God for better luck soon. I work hard to overcome these issues.

    But it is my Hindu friend who injected these ideas to me first. It is those Hindu Lites here who attested her thoughts with various reasons above.

    If Hindus don't believe in such a thing call bad vibes, then why some people strongly believe in?

    If it is still believed in, then why asking me to brush it off comfortably?
     
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