How much did you spend on your InLaws when they visited you last time in US.

Ladies,

I hope my post didn't trigger all these discussions and didn't appear insensitive towards elderly parents. On the contrary, I feel very sympathetic towards parents who come a long distance to help their adult children in a new country. I agree that they are not obligated to support child care requirement of an adult child nor it is their responsibility. In fact, hats off to such parents who come to help at least for six months.

But OP's situation appear to be different. I don't want to speak for OP but the following statements from her made it clear to me that she is open and receptive to them but for her current situation.

Where is the question of discussing about money-saving, using old parents to baby sit, etc. in this thread? How much clearer she could be than what she stated above?

Based on the above, how we can consider her as refusing to take care of her visiting in-laws, not meeting their needs to tour and making them work hard in a new country?

How much more clearer she could be than this?

If the parents are visiting to just spend time with grandchildren as indicated above, why should they compare what other kids have done for their parents? Despite this, OP is doing her best to satisfy them before they return to India. Her intentions appear to be good.

Sometimes, parents face difficulty in a new country when DIL treats them badly and they have nowhere else to go. Other times, parents are greedy, compare their children with that of others, forget the situation their adult child is in, have excessive expectations, etc.

Putting all parents or all adult children in one box is incorrect.

Viswa

 

Thanks Viswa for guiding this thread back to the right path.. We went through a detour discussing things which may not relate to OP.

 

OP

Situation in each family is different. You have to go by what works for you without aggravating relationships in the family to a reasonable extent. My MIL is super sensitive who can see issues when there are none. She and SIL are furious if we want to take her on a long tour citing her health and are furious if she is not taken anywhere. Difficult to please. You are the one in the know. I would suggest to send them to a few well known places with the budget you feel comfortable. Avoid making this issue a bigger one in future when they return home. Believe me they can.

 

It is not all about money when you call grand parents for care, many Sahm women also get parents during delivery.? Are they saving any money? And How much you will save from daycare costs ,add tickets , medical insurance , extra amount for addition in family, outings , gifts .it could easily surpass double or triple day care costs. If a working couple want to avoid expense they can do so easily, you get indian nannies for less money too.

the main factor is comfort and belief that grand children are special to grand parents and they genuinely love the kids and the care they provide cannot be compared to any daycare even the best and other is not wanting to leave infants in daycare till they are bit older . But you cannot expect a maid service from visiting parents that they cook , clean and take care baby and also sit at home all the time without any expectation. If it is Mother or MIL who takes care of the baby , one needs to show gratitude.

It does not mean there are no bad apples who just use parents and those parents most probably will refuse to come next time when they are needed and same is true other way round too.

 

@Rihana,

I have recently experienced the same problem of truthfully giving my net worth just for getting a visitors visa. I can understand if the consulate ask the applicant to file their petition and then allow the sponsor to file their credential directly with the consulate. Unfortunately, the sponsor will have to give all details to the applicant and they come to know everything about the net worth of the sponsor.

Viswa