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How much did you spend on your InLaws when they visited you last time in US.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sslkgpaa, Jun 29, 2015.

  1. Giu

    Giu Junior IL'ite

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    That does not change the fact that grandparents from several asian cultures follow the norm when it comes to childcare abroad. You know the "weird" ones.
     
  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    As long as everyone is comfortable with the solution everything is fine. But adult children also need to understand that the parents have their own life, grandparents to take care of, job to handle, friends and other relatives. It is not easy to go abroad for long times if you have other commitments. Living abroad can also be tough as you do not have your own social network, friends and relatives.

    As a fictive example if the grandparents have own very old parents isn't it their main responsibility to take care of them - not to provide free baby care services to the adult couple that should be able to handle their own children.

    Finding good day care options is a big hassle but this is something you need to take into account when you plan to have children.
     
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  3. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    @jazmine, i dont know frm where u brought 25 and 75 percent statistics....
    but let me share my story...in first delivery i knew very well tht my mil will not take care of me or baby after delivery....inspite of working i managed whole housework n job without any maid during pregnancy....but after delivery i hired full time maid do my mom n my inlawd dont have to cook n clean for me..my mil sulked whole time while she was being served even water at her bed...she did nothing except making my life hell by her indirect taunts for giving birth to daughter....i didnt call her for help but i cant stop her s they are the inlaws anf i consider it their right....
    Now when she was not happy i dont know why she came during delivery....here o agree with crayoness...we dont do what is suitable for everyone but we are the slave of traditions....

    Then after maternity leaves i joined office....my husband called my mil to take care of dd....i have seen tht she has not any affection fot her....i told my dh tht if my inlaws feels lije to live wth us only then thet shuld come ...plzdont call them only for baby care...
    they came ....i dont want to describe how badlt she took care of my baby in my absence....thry continously taunted me tht they are taking care of my baby i m taking advantage of them....o didnt say a thing to them and i quit my job ....after 2 yrs i put my dd in daycare and joined back....i was really much at peace....i found my daughter is being taken care of in daycare better....
    duting my second delivery i was down with extreme nausea till 7 mth....me n my husband managed alone....but after delivery i hired a gud c ook at gud salary so tht old people dont have to work....while i took complete care of baby myself....
    ny mil didnt evrn pick my baby except once or twice...when i mentioned it she blamed me tht i am the one who doesnt want to give the baby to her...my jaws were opened because of utter surprise....and even at this time they made my life hell by calling me really bad name in absence of my husband....
    it was just lot of drama....nobody call them for help ....they didnt have any interest in me or baby then why they came??? I dont know????
    did i save any money....no i didnt..
    .
    i dont know which financial gain people are talkin abt?
     
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  4. Giu

    Giu Junior IL'ite

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    Our parents, thankfully, don't think in terms of "your life" , "own life". This is not to suggest everything is roses but that is life. Better together warts and all than for "enjoyment" alone.

    This forum is for those with problematic relationships so taking that as a sample set is erroneous. There are as many examples where things work out as they should.
     
  5. Giu

    Giu Junior IL'ite

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    Coolgal, my sympathies, that sounds bad.
     
  6. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    I guess this forum is for those who realise they have problems and want to cope with it or come out of it. There are plenty of people with problems who dont share. And most of the problems which people share here are universal in nature. Maybe you are the minority living in a cocoon.
     
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  7. Giu

    Giu Junior IL'ite

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    Sure. Then it is more correct to say this forum is not representative of the collective experiences of a culture instead of saying it's all bad. That is not a full narrative.
     
  8. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    It is not about enjoyment (I did not start to use that term) but the fact that parents have own commitments and pampering their adult children (who are completely capable of managing their own lives) is maybe not the most important thing for them. Parents may still be working when the grandchildren are born, they may have elderly parents (or other relatives) to take care of, maybe they finally are able to fulfill their own interests (spirituality, travel, hobbies). Part of growing up is also to be able to care of yourself and your family and not shuffle the responsibilities on your elderly parents.

    And this is not about indian parenting, it is about generations of women (mainly) in a changing world where women are working and families moving far away from their extended family.
     
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  9. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Neither is your all roses scenario with a few thorns. Its the other way .
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I don't have to go join crowds to watch fireworks. Lots of fireworks here vonly. :)
     
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