Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies! Ty

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

@indubalram:

IM(honest)O, it could be a planned insult or it could be because someone provoked her. May be if she did not mention anything about your hair from the time you arrived, it may be possible that some relative passed a random comment and she made a deal out of it.

Better to let it go for now. It if bothers you much, wait for a ceremony you want to skip/don't be part of and give her the same excuse.

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

How many BIl's u got? Same issue 2 months back eh? :coffee

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/relationship-with-in-laws/267494-did-my-bil-nd-co.html

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

Had I been in your place, I would happily start talking selfies of me ROFLing with the ceremony in the background and upload them with captions of what MIL said.

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

OP, petty issues often crop up in weddings! And I know it rankles, but you'll have to let go.

I was royally snubbed during my SIL's son's wedding. They wanted to do the "pandha kaal" ceremony (symbolic setting up of the marriage stage - an important ceremony). So they were one short of the usual 5, and SIL called me from all the way across the hall, since she couldn't find anyone else (As one of the younger DILs, my part in all these ceremonies is superficial) I'd just taken my position, when someone from the girl's side walked up to take part. And SIL says "why so many folks from our family?..Ani, you move out" - so I had to move back
I didn't make a fuss then, but the issue still hurts, almost 3 years later. I wish I'd given back then...at least laughed at her pettiness, instead of showing I was hurt. But then, I always think of pithy replies in the middle of the might - never when it really matters ;-)
But know what, while we're fretting about them, they'd hardly be sparing a thought for us! So the best way to get over it is to forget it, and move on - not because they're behavior can in any way be justified, but because your health and peace of mind is worth more than the words of a few old cats.
As for reciprocating in kind - well, that's your personal choice. But like others had posted, a better way is to show up at other weddings, just to show they can't hurt you .You could just ignore the rice-ball ceremony, or go to the other extreme - and put on a wig or a jadai that rivals that of the bride, and tell this was your MIL's orders!

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

I am very mad at ur Inlaw.what she did is wrong.i do not understand one thing with I laws.why do they let go of their dil in front of others?also,mil could have informed u abt this beforehand?so irritating.



u tell this to DH and both of u sit and communicate with ur Inlaws.inform her tat she was wrong.SHE IS WRONG.no two ways abt it.


i can understand the ritual coz we also have it.i support elders many times and have a conscience but this just plain wrong.

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

certainly it was an insult...she could have told u this in private but intentionally she did it infront of crowds....but this is not such big insult tht u shuld stop going to weddings...
but u know its not only about in-laws....u will always find one or the other person who tries to put u down in public...instead of stopping going to events we shuld find a way to deal with this kind of persons...
i also fret over these comments for long,ruining my peace of mind...always thinking i shuld have said this or tht....but will never say at tht time....at tht time i just become stunned at wht other person said....first thought will be.. how one can do this to me.....hahaha...but it happens ....this is life only....these kind of thigs keeps on happening...just forget it ....
and if u have wedding at in laws place just attend it like any other guest....dont expect tht u will be the part of any rituals....dont go perfroming any rituals unless asked to do...

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

Shouldn't this be re written as ... so much rice and so many b***s to learn about !!! sigh !!!

girl... i am ROFL..

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

Come on @indubalram

Been there, done that.... and got over from the issues. All happened within the span of some 5-6 years. Yes, we are humans, and we change. Better be the change. That is my policy.

I had a straightened hair when I got newly married. During certain rituals at in laws home then, MIL openly insulted me saying I look like a "Bathraghali" and I could not be invited to any holy events due to my hair. I had hip length hair, which could have been very well tied with a band if that was the problem. But she had other problems, that she did not like me being stylish and modern. Perhaps, she may have been provoked by other like minded relatives. But it was an insult to me, that too before others.

I kept that in mind for so long. But I never tried to change my hair style. As someone mentioned, I do selfies, upload pics with this hair and some of my social media friends were MIL's right hands. So, I know the message goes to her no matter what.

After a few years she selected my co-sis, because she is her relative and looked homely.
But for everyone's surprise my co-sis rebounded her hair a few days before her marriage, and had a lose straight hair style when she first entered in laws' house as a new bride.
MIL had no words to comment, because she had done the comparing - including the hair ones already with her friends and neighbors, and these people were present when the new bride came in.

I was unexplainably happy and became friend with my co-sis the moment I saw her this way.

Now my other BIL is getting married. The bride is again her family member. She chose her only for this reason.
Recently, I saw this girl's selfy with some exposing short dress with curled lose hair style.
Hopefully another heart attack is waiting on MIL's way.

When 3 of her DIL are being stylish, modern and no DDs in the family, what is this woman could do other than silently accepting her neighbors comments in response to her public insult against me in the past. God is great

 

Re: Was this an insult? How would guys take this as? Please I need you opinion ladies

I would say, ignore her pettiness. Do go to other marriages and hang around with younger cousins, who enjoy like you do, just to show that their comments could not do much. Also carry a long hair wig with you when you go next time with you and keep it in your handbag all the time... ....

Before the rituals start just go to your MIL, lean towards her, but speak loudly and clearly so that others can hear too...and say..."Ma, now the ritual will begin, please tell me, should i attend with my short hair, or should i put on my long hair wig, see i have it right here with me(show her your purse) and perform the ritual or should i not perform it at all. please tell me, i am perfectly fine with anything you say. I am right here only, call me if you need me to do the rituals" and move away to get some more photo sessions done with your/H's cousins with a big smile on.

She will be too shocked to respond.