The Hobson's Choice!

Cheeniya · Apr 13, 2015

My dear Srama
The problem with 'the same old patients with the same old problems' is that the Doctors never get a chance to upgrade their knowledge or skills. A hypochondriac is loaded with the latest information on diseases and the medicines and must be looked upon as a heaven-sent encyclopaedia by the Doctors. You are right about your diagnosis of why he comes visiting you. He is only hoping against hope that you may have something that is refreshingly different from all the run of the mill stuff that he keeps treating. When he finds that your yoga related problem is more archaic than the most archaic that he would ever have treated, he is bound to feel let down!

Whenever my Doctor asks me to put out my tongue and examines it for an eternity for some clue to my problem, it is my wife's considered opinion that he is doing it not for any diagnostic purposes but merely to keep my mouth shut! Only Doctors can ask you to keep your mouth open only to keep it shut, she says!
Sri

iyerviji · Apr 13, 2015

My dear Anna

I cant believe that you thought you had nervous disorder while tying the thali. I think Manni understood you that time only and is taking care of you from that time. I also felt like laughing that you went for treatment for yourself and the Doctor treated Manni.

My husband also never likes to visit the Doctor only when he cant bear he will go to the Doctor. A month back both of us had cold and cough and both could not talk. He was affected more but he never went to the Doctor. I also did not go for some days but the cold and cough was bothering me and not allowing me to sleep so I went to the Doctor. I was alright for some days again it started and this time I could not cough and my throat was paining again having sleepless night , I thought must be some problem in my throat and my friends also suggested to the Doctor before it becomes serious. My daughter also scared me saying there was some advertisement that it may lead to some serious disease. So I went to the Doctor and in a day I was alright . But still it is not fully ok. I am not able to drink anything cold and this hot summer feel like having cold water, juice or icecream. Whereas my husband became alright without going tot he Doctor. He has cold but that is always there so he doe snot bother.

Till I got married I have not gone much to the Doctor. We dont keep any medciines also at home , as far as possible avoid taking medicines. But when something serious illness comes medicines have to be taken.

Cheeniya · Apr 14, 2015

My dear Viswa
Your mom is a role model for hypochondriacs! If she had been a member of my Club, she would be a celebrity. People would just eat out of her hands! As people are becoming more and more health conscious, hypochondriacs are on the increase. They have also become very knowledgeable. Some of them can engage a highly qualified Doctor in animated discussion and the Doctors who charge the patients by the minute get stumped when they get a visit from a garrulous hypochondriac.

Hearing you talk about your light-headedness and balancing problem, I am reminded of a discussion we had in the Club years back. Most of you who think that visiting clubs is a waste of time which could be better utilised in reading Adi Sankara's commentary on Kathopanishad, this incident will reveal that our club discussions too could be equally profound. On a particular evening when we were chatting aimlessly, we observed a Regular walking towards us appearing as if he had already downed half a dozen pegs. When he came to our table and sat down with a thud, we realised that it was not intoxication that made him totter like an infant. On some persistent questioning, he revealed that he had balancing problem.

A member immediately took the centre stage and informed us that we were all standing on a huge ball revolving at a furious pace of about 1000 mph and that at this speed we would all be thrown into the space but for some inner mechanism that responds to the earth's force of gravity. For some, this mechanism gets impaired resulting in the force of gravity getting less effective and it is in such a condition that we start feeling the balancing problem. He compared it to standing passengers in rickety Chennai buses. This problem occurred more as we advanced in years. Liquor also had anti-gravitational effect that caused us balancing problem which was directly proportional to the number of pegs one had!

Yesterday I had my quarterly appointment with my cardiologist and this time, my problem was bradycardia. I told him that I had a low pulse rate and gave him some 50 possible reasons for the same. The Doctor told my wife at the end of it that he felt more qualified after talking to me and that I was his prized possession!
Sri

Cheeniya · Apr 14, 2015

My dear Viji
Cough is my most favourite subject and when it combines with cold, I get delirious with joy. I hate dry coughs because however much you cough it never soothes that 'itchy' spot that appears like the source of the cough. In what the experts call as 'productive' cough, there is no such problem. Dry cough besides being elusive can also affect our relationship with our neighbours. I know people who can make as much noise with their coughing as a landing jet on reverse thrust!

I do not agree with people who take pride in not going to a Doctor for any problem. This seriously affects the economic viability of medical profession. In Chennai, one particular Medical college charges a capitation fee of nearly a crore of rupees and if everyone decides to stop going to Doctors, how will they recover all the fee paid by them? Please think about it and discuss it with Mr.Iyer!
Sri

jayasala42 · Apr 14, 2015

Dear Cheeniya Sir,
Your responses have excelled your original snippet on hypochondria.
Now doctors, amidst their busy hours don't have time to update their medical knowledge.My friend, who is at least as well informed as our Cheeniya Sir,is given an appointment for half an hour every week. The doctor eagerly awaits my friend who visits him with a list of websites and also with a list of drug lists that he could be prescribed. It is a neat print out, and the doctor need not struggle to codify .The doctor however decodifies it in his own famous hand in prescriptions unintelligible even to the pharmacist.
This particular doctor, when he fell in love wrote a love letter to his lady love. The poor lady had to rush to a pharmacist to decodify the letter, much to the embarassment of both the love partners.
Now nobody uses hand for writing except to sign a cheque or rarely to sign the progress report, if his wife is not available.
We welcome hypochondriacs,the essential source of information either to instruct or confuse not only their family members but also the medical fraternity.

Jayasala 42

PushpavalliSrinivasan · Apr 14, 2015

Dear Mr Cheeniya,
I feel Coming late here has its advantage as I get the opportunity to read the interesting fbs and your hilarious reply to them along with your OP.

I am one among the proud who says that we never go to the doctor unless something's serious. For common cold, cough and fever we will buy medicines across the counter.

There are people who make too much fuss for even a normal headache and acidity. So people around them won't take them seriously even when they really suffer too much pain.

Your hypochondria has brought out a hilarious post and I enjoyed all FB s and your replies.

PS

stillwaters · Apr 15, 2015

Dear cheeniya sir ,

you have reminded me of my med school when i have passed through multiple agonizing periods believing to be suffering from tb when i get common cold , various cancers depending on the locations of bumps , brain tumors if having headaches and even hiv. Somehow i survived all those ailments and have made it this far.
Similarly you have also survived all your ailments and crossed 70 mark with gusto.
And i think your hypochondriac nature brings forth humour more than sighs and moans . So it's ok to say enjoy your imaginary ailments to your fullest.

PriyaKathiravan · Apr 18, 2015

Haha ! Poor lady . Made sacrificial goat, so that you can come out smelling of roses !

Actually, I too like reading up medical information from the Internet, magazines, newspaper articles and advertisements. But after that I dont imagine diseases in myself .Instead, I see disease symptoms in others who mention any ache or pain. And I tell them my diagnosis too. But sir, that has not made me popular at all.

Cheeniya · Apr 19, 2015

Dear Jayasala
Do yo know that however busy a Doctor may be, he looks forward to the visits of Medical Representatives particularly of drug manufacturers of repute. I know many Doctors who are 'greased' by these representatives but more importantly, this is the only way, the Doctors get to know of latest drugs available to treat life-time ailments like Diabetes and BP. The Doctors stay confined to the consultation room with their patients most of the time and they hardly get a chance to upgrade their knowledge on latest medicines except through the Reps.

Incidentally, I would like to ask you if hypochondriacs imagine all the ailments that are in the text book, would hyperchondriacs be thinking that they are fool-proof productions of God that no diseases on earth can ever attack? I have come across a couple of them. They keep boasting that they have never consumed any medicine in their entire life. They are the 'Doctor's waste of time!'
Sri

Cheeniya · Apr 19, 2015

Dear PS
For a hypochondriac, common cold, cough and fever may mean disaster. It can be Swine Flu, Dengue, Immunological deficiency and a host of other things. Buying medicines across the counter is a big 'no, no' for him. You are talking of people making a big fuss even for normal headache or acidity. He'll ask you how headache can ever be normal. It can be the starting point of brain tumour. Acidity can mean something very serious like malignancy of the oesophagus.

The hypochondriac will tell you that a headache of 2015 is far different and cannot be trivialised like a headache of 1950. Those were the days when headache was caused by simple stress but today, there are over hundred reasons for a headache and only through several diagnostic tests, we can rule out anything sinister. You may take a benevolent view of your headache but try selling your idea to a hypochondriac and you will know everything about headaches!
Sri