My Tricky MIL

Hi Ladies,

I have seen a lot of forums in indusladies and am a regular reader of IL.

Here is my story:

I got married in 2011. Arranged marriage. My husband is the elder one and he has a brother. My MIL is a teacher.(You would Laugh!!!). She was my class teacher in 5th standard. We are distant relatives as well. Thats how the proposal came and ended up in marriage.

About me: I am working in IT. MY husband is a Civil engineer works for TN govt.

About My MIL:

She is the familiar person to many in my town as she was a teacher/HM in a school. She has a very good name like a nice lady,helps poor ppl by lending money. Seeing this name, my parents decided to get me married. Even, I too believed the same.

The real story:

As I had very good opinion about my MIL, I used to call her daily during the initial days and share any office news/personal news. Later slowly, I understood her. Unnecessarily my husband will come and fight with me, saying 'How can you tell this to my mom'. Then I understood, she is twisting topics. I stopped sharing such items. There came the first gap.

My husband calls her daily and update each everything from what I cooked to what I said. She started forcing him for having a baby. And I am pregnant immediately after marriage. Then the real issues started.

Once I was watching tv and eating. After finishing food also I was sitting as I couldnt get up because I was pregnant. My husband took my plate also and went.My MIL saw this. Later, when he went to leave her in station, she told like "dont ever do this infront of me, I cant bear my son taking a used plate of his wife...bla...bla..".

This guy told me this and I asked,"What is wrong in this" and there went another fight.

My husband is basically a good person during initial days, he helps me a lot. He makes dosa,folds his/my cloths. Cleas Bathroom,mop the floor and get vegetables. He knew the pain of a working woman + I was pregnant.

One by one this lady told him, why are you folding her clothes and all. He stopped doing that. He listens to her bluntly. Slowly his mind was injected to believe that helping wife is a prestige issue for a boy. People will call him that he is behind me. He stopped everything.

I realized at one point,speaking to her should either make me or her happy. It doesnt. SO I stopped frequent calls. Even during direct visits, I talk very less to her. I realized a little freeness in mind and felt peaceful.

She wanted a boy baby. But I got a precious girl as I wished. She pretended infront of everybody that, she loves my daughter as she doesnt want her good name to spoil in the town. But it is quite natural that, she started loving my kid.

Next she started possessing my kid as well. Thank god that, my kid was brought up by parents for 2 years. Then this lady retired from school and came to take care of the baby. Its been an year now since she came to chennai.

I am mentally disturbed, because she was training my kid to call her "Amma". I stopped it indirectly. It was easy for me as my daughter already completed 2. NExt, she brainwash my kid to sleep with her daily. That also I am managing daily.
She wanted to take my kid to native from the time my kid was born. I restricted this, but now my daughter is 3, so I am sending my daughter. I strongly believe that my daughter will never go from me. So these issues, I didnt give much importance.

She interfers in each and everything, any decision between us or house related. She is there. SHe offers so much money to my husband for the sake of holding him with her. I strongly avoid it. In case if he gets it due to crunch, I give it back.

She spoiled my husband's mind by saying ills about my parents/brothers(I have 3) and anni's(Brother wife's). This guy never stay in my parents/brother's house a single day, he thinks that, if he stays his mom will scold, his mom will think that he turned to our family.

But now, this guy is much better, understands things. He doesnt stay in our house, but he doesnt bother in me staying there.

I want to send this lady off to native and live a peaceful life. I am planning to be a full time housewife.

But will it create any further issues?. I am really confused. Will I loose respect?. I hear this my brothers and everybody. Can you ladies comment on this?.