I dont want to be with my husband :-(

adimad · Mar 17, 2015

Thank you lovely ladies so much for all of your replies.

I understand what most of you are suggesting. I have tried many of those things like talking to my hubby. I have expressed my feelings to him at least 25 times in the last 1.5 years. Whenever I do that, he promises to have understood, apologises but then nothing changes.

To be honest, the problems are all only about my in-laws. Remove them from the picture and not a single problem. But that's the thing - he refuses to remove them from the equation - he is not ready to build a relationship with me - he wants me to build a relationship with his parents and nothing else matters to him.

I am so tired of being the only one who cares about (or even dignifies and recognises it seems) the reltionship between him and me of husband and wife.

I dont think it is going to get resolved because he doesnt understand. Believe me I have tried every thing that I can think of.

I knew this was going to happen and that's why I didnt want his parents to come over for such a long time. But he didnt care about that. He promised that it wont happen this time as he has understood everything. But again the same thing. We are living like he is married to his mum and FIL and my DD are their kids and I am a paying guest. The only thing that doesnt fit is the fact that I and DH sleep in the same room.

And I am the one slogging my ass to pay off the mortgage to this house - at least 50 % if not 100%. I dont even get to spend time with DD freely after I come back home from work because they are always standing on my head giving commentry. I miss her all day at work.

I hope these monsters leave my house soon. I hate my husband and can never forgive him for not caring about my feelings.

adimad · Mar 17, 2015

Also in the last 2 weeks, I have frequently found myself fantasizing or daydreaming while driving, about being with someone other than my husband. Someone imaginary who would actually love me and care for me. Sometimes I think about past crushes but noone in particular. The problem is that I have been in love with my husband for so long that there is no one else - past crushes are actually from childhood. But I find the idea of getting physical with my husband disgusting now.

Half of the good qualities that made me fall for him were fake - he was only pretending to be that. I have discovered that he doesnt have those qualities in reality.

anjali10 · Mar 26, 2015

Hi,

I completely understand your situation and was in it.
We even went to marriage counsellor.
She heard my long rants and put it in a few sentences.

Feeling of wanted or belongingness was missing.
Lack of empathy on husbands side.
I spoke to him many times and he was just putting it like "You are smart, you can handle this."

I had to earn and get the money.
My child was brought up by MIL they way they wanted.
My husband appeared uninterested in the marriage but did not say so.

In essence I did not get the child or the husband and I had to earn money and live like a paying guest.
I too felt cheated or betrayed by my husband. I could not forgive and forget.

I went for a divorce and found another man. He was another controlling type, although he is very caring and affectionate.

Getting a perfect one is impossible.
Life is a compromise. World is very cruel once we get a divorce, most men are sharks.
Be happy that you have a shelter (which is very important), some name to you, a healthy child.
Dont have any expectations from anyone. Find happiness in your child.

Once your MIL becomes sick or passes away, you will become important one.
I know its long wait. But worth it.

Its very hard with a child and living alone. Why should you shoulder this alone ?

Cultivate some weekend hobbies, keep some friends or just indulge in child. Don't fall in love and make another mess.

Persistence pays.

yellowmango · Mar 26, 2015

adimad said: ↑

Also in the last 2 weeks, I have frequently found myself fantasizing or daydreaming while driving, about being with someone other than my husband. Someone imaginary who would actually love me and care for me. Sometimes I think about past crushes but noone in particular. The problem is that I have been in love with my husband for so long that there is no one else - past crushes are actually from childhood. But I find the idea of getting physical with my husband disgusting now.

Half of the good qualities that made me fall for him were fake - he was only pretending to be that. I have discovered that he doesnt have those qualities in reality.
Click to expand...

Oh Sweety...not while driving please. That is not safe.Please don't do that.
Don't worry...it is just the way the brain works to bear with disappointment.It will pass.