1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Brother getting married - I'm super worried

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Jas8085, Mar 5, 2015.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 9 of 9
  1. Mar 5, 2015 #81
    butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,589
    Likes Received:
    1,646
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
     
    butterflyice, Mar 5, 2015
    butterflyice, Mar 5, 2015
    #81
    1 person likes this.
  2. Mar 6, 2015 #82
    azalea

    azalea Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    151
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Jas8085,

    What are you angry at? At your family or the girl? If it is towards the girl, is she responsible for your brother being the way he is? Moreover, you look down upon her because she comes from a poor background and may have been starry eyed seeing the wealth of your parents. But what other selling point, other than wealth, have your parents put forth for your brother? She is young, barely out of college, and from a small town. It is but natural for her and her family to be flattered to be approached by a wealthy family from Bengaluru.

    From the conversation that you wrote about your mom, I do not get the feeling that she will make your parents be 'forced' and 'not have an option'. For all you know, your dad may let go of things, like your scooty or your car, willingly. If you are hinting that she may make your brother force your parents to do things unwillingly, then I think, your brother is doing a jolly good job about it now itself. Or your parents are pandering to his whims and fancies even now. It will be just an extension of what is happening now. If you are upset about your old parents taking care of another family, then I think your anger should have been directed towards them and him a long while ago - when you could have nipped it in the bud. Why wait till he is 27, ready to get married and then take your frustration out on a new person who doesn't know what exactly she is getting into? And that reminds me, you have such disdain towards Meera that you say that she made an "informed choice". You may be right. She made an informed choice on the information that your family has provided but have they really told her all about him - to what extent he is irresponsible? The day she realizes it is the day you will need to fear.

    Also, you seem to be an educated, smart person. How come you never learned to handle opinions different from yours in a matured manner? There are all kinds of people in this world with different viewpoints. Our Indian education system never taught us 'to agree to disagree' amicably, I guess!
     
    azalea, Mar 6, 2015
    azalea, Mar 6, 2015
    #82
    6 people like this.
  3. Mar 6, 2015 #83
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    465
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you so much for all the support friends. I read every single reply. I"ll try to get some sleep tonite , leave it for a couple of days and then discuss with my parents next week.

    I like the option of giving them first floor. My parents will pay the bills (electricity, water etc). They cook separately and manage. My mum will want to try staying together first. My parents are SOOO used to being his assistants, they won't know what to do with themselves if he becomes independent! It's works both ways now but when financial responsibilities grow, they will be neck deep in **** and it"ll be too late to get out then.

    I spoke to my brother today. He has some Rs 40k savings. He was telling me he plans to blow it all up on a 3 day honeymoon to Kerala IN MAY. Yes in MAY. What is she falls sick or needs money for doing some course or anything? He said he didn't think about that. I left it there hoping he"ll actually think about that.
     
    Jas8085, Mar 6, 2015
    Jas8085, Mar 6, 2015
    #83
    2 people like this.
  4. Mar 6, 2015 #84
    maya69

    maya69 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    288
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Jas8085

    I understand your worry but unless you can calmly convince your parents that the girl will need to work, that the girl’s parents will be also their responsibility then what else you can you do. If your parents cannot be convinced by you that this is not a good marriage then there is nothing you can do really. Every parent want their kids to settle and move on with their life whether the kids are smart and average or whatever. Parents cannot beat themselves forever saying what kind of child I got for the rest of their life. If your parents themselves are not correcting the girl’s impression that house car etc are not your brothers then your parents are willingly doing this because its win win for both. And the girls side is also happy that there is wedding sans dowry for their daughter. Just hope and pray the girl parents are good people. Despite your animosity towards your brother (which I can very well understand the reasons) please don’t start showing it to your future sil and famly. things can go either way you know.

    I suggest you prepare to bring your parents to UK in the future away from your brother and let your brother/wife be for some time. Let your parents know that their life doesn’t have to revolve around their son/dil and that you are there for them. We all can hope for what should be but many times things change and we have to go with what is the reality for our own health and happiness.

    Hope it all works out.
     
    maya69, Mar 6, 2015
    maya69, Mar 6, 2015
    #84
    2 people like this.
  5. Mar 6, 2015 #85
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    465
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Relax!! Where did I say I'm angry with her at all? When did I look down upon her??

    ok, I'd rather not respond to anything as ridiculous as this!
     
    Jas8085, Mar 6, 2015
    Jas8085, Mar 6, 2015
    #85
  6. Mar 6, 2015 #86
    brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,873
    Likes Received:
    1,095
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    Well you tone to be more worried about the other girl sharing the house (or Property rights) and enjoying the car that you have gifted .I guess your focus should be on talking to your brother about the responsibilities he need to shoulder now.
     
    brahan, Mar 6, 2015
    brahan, Mar 6, 2015
    #86
    1 person likes this.
  7. Mar 6, 2015 #87
    Jas8085

    Jas8085 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    226
    Likes Received:
    465
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female

    Omg!! Property rights??? How ridiculous! I'm sick of people here with such poor comprehension skills!

    Moderator, can you please close this thread? I've had enough sensible inputs. I've now decided on a course of action.
     
    Jas8085, Mar 6, 2015
    Jas8085, Mar 6, 2015
    #87
  8. Mar 6, 2015 #88
    heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,335
    Likes Received:
    2,544
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Why is your to be sil learning to drive.. Just curious if it was your brother who hinted this.... Also, you said every one else is over the moon so why is this ' extra burden' or sadly adjusting coming to picture.. Is every one happy or not!?

    I think you must let all your worries be heard... other wise they are only going to add up in years to come
     
    heron, Mar 6, 2015
    heron, Mar 6, 2015
    #88
  9. Mar 6, 2015 #89
    brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,873
    Likes Received:
    1,095
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    Thank You dear...for judging my comprehension skills.. :cool2:
     
    brahan, Mar 6, 2015
    brahan, Mar 6, 2015
    #89
    4 people like this.
Page 9 of 9
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page