Can I trust this relationship???

Look at it this way - if he gets a better job, it is a bonus. If not, can you still have a reasonably decent life. If yes, then money is not a problem.

 

Congratulations!

Since I'm also with the same background, I can understand your concern. Suppose he is in non-IT his salary anywhere in this world would be less compared to IT person. Some of the points I would consider :
1. Will he be able to take responsibility of you and your expenses or depend on your money to run the family? (this case I just mean decent lifestyle rent and living expenses including his existing mortgage)
2. Is his long term goal to make bigger money and better lifestyle?
3. Have you spoke to his parents? Are they dependent on him?
4. Till he makes big money are you ready to compromise/adjust till then?
5. Lastly, my advice would be, he might be totally the best man on earth remember to just have 1% of doubt always. You can definitely contribute for the growth of the family but for the first few years have a little savings for yourself.

 

@sheebros Its normal for you to feel the little fear due to your earlier bad experience.
You would have felt the same even if he were older and in a steady job. To me, it looks like you are really lucky to have found someone younger who likes you and wants to marry you. Congratulations !!! and Wish you a very Happy Married Life :thumbsup

 

why r u marrying a guy who doesnt even have a job?...

will u support him? have u thought if he might be just taking you for ur pay check..

he might be nice and sweet now, but once married his tru colors might come out../ just tell him to get a good job and then u can get married... tell him u want to wait till he finds a job... and see how he reacts...

better marr some one who is settled.. than regret later...

 

OP...are you working.Is your combined income good enough for you both.
Does he have dependents?
Are your parents dependent on your salary in the future?

 

Why not just talk to him about your concerns?

The success of a relationship depends upon the ability to manage difficult conversations. If you make the effort to initiate this particular ‘difficult conversation’, then there’s a good chance that you will learn a lot about him (and about you two as a couple) depending on his reaction. An insecure person may be miffed by this discussion (I am so hurt, is that what you think of me? - and so on), an insincere person may simply resort to extravagant promises. Only you are in a position to judge the seriousness of his commitment.

It is OK to be scared. That is a sign that you are ready to take responsibility for your choices and your future. Try not to think of yourself as someone needing rescue. Just do everything you can to make a good decision. That does not guarantee success, but it ought to bring a measure of confidence. Life is very arbitrary sometimes, a lot depends on luck. Just try to keep your end up. That’s all we can do.

If you are nervous about your ability as a couple to manage this conversation in an entirely positive frame, then just do it as a guided discussion with a couples counselor, so that there is no yelling and screaming and wounded feelings followed by a hasty make up and an even hastier decision to get married with your feelings unresolved. A couple of sessions now may save many in the future. Trust your instincts. It is better for the both of you that you sort this out now. These doubts can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don’t want to be in a situation where you find yourself losing respect for him later or even worse, see the marriage as something he inveigled you into for financial reasons.

If I were in the position of your boyfriend, my question to you would be: what can I do to reassure you? So ask yourself that question. What are your expectations, how much room for negotiation and compromise, what are your constraints (debts, obligations for now & in the future, aspirations)? What are his? And then, what can he do, what steps could he take – concretely, not mere verbal assurances – that would allay your fears about career and financial prospects? Are you more successful than he is now, do you expect to remain so, or is it simply that you want a guy who can provide financial security for his wife & family? This is a perfect time to have this conversation. After all, he knows about your failed marriage, so he should be able to understand that you are anxious to avoid a replay.

Qualifications, motivation and drive are perhaps more important than his current job, as is his commitment to the relationship.

Good Luck!
:cheers

 

Dear sheebros,

Am happy that you found a loving and caring person as life doesn't give second chances to everybody. Am glad for you!

Now having said the above, my opinion is that you give it some more time for this relation, though its good that all parties are ok with the idea of marriage.

couple of things:
- How long do you both know each other? if its just few months to a year or so, then I think you should give it some more time for the relation to grow, which will give you time to understand each other, mainly the behaviorial aspects, habits, etc - as living together is a whole different ball-game. (sorry if am sounding pessimistic).

- Money might not be an issue in a relation if both of you have understanding of what you want to do with the future together financially, however, please make sure he is not trying/planning to living on your income.

- In-laws are very important in marriage, so in the time try to meet them, go out for shopping/lunches/outings, etc; do things together with them and see how its working out for you guys.

I know am sounding very pessimistic but its better to be cautious than falling into another ditch that you had thankfully come-out off.

Take help from your friends, meaning meet that guy along with your (trustworthy) friends sometimes, let others also observe and let you know their opinion.

I really hope that this relation should workout for you if the guy truely and honestly loves you Dear!

Good luck .
Queenie

P.S: I have said all these things, thinking if I were you, then these are the things that I would be keenly looking out for. And I hope life gives a second chance to me too

 

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I think you should wait until he gets a good job. That would be a motivation for him to work hard and get a good job. You can't rely just on your income. You will have kids and that would make it difficult for you to work the same way and earn the same. Remember, Money is not important if you have it but very very important if you don't have it. So tell him to work hard and get a good job and then you can marry him.