Sister's visit turning out to be an issue

marlboro · Dec 30, 2014

Hello Ladies,

My sister is at my house for her Masters Program's Winter break. I am married and have a 2 yr old girl. I was hoping that since its her break she might be helpful in taking care of my child for some time occasionally( such as feeding her or keeping her entertained while I cook). I work full time and would have appreciate any help(either household or babysitting) . I guess she treats this house like a mother's house. She watches TV or surfs internet in her room in the night and sleeps till 12 PM in the afternoon. Our schedules dont match at all.
She has already been angry twice with me because
1) I took her shopping but had to cut it short because it was getting late and wanted to show my child the santa.
2) I asked her to feed my child but she started kicking and screaming . I told her not to give up and have patience and she can feed the child. Instead my sister got upset and she said not to tell her to take care of the child since she doesnt know anything about it. I said OK for that as well.

Although, I am outwardly OK with this , I feel bad that my own sister wont help me out , even though she knows I work full time and take care of house, child etc. I try really hard to take her shopping and had even taken out for a beach trip, cook her favorite food etc
Am I expecting something wrong? How is it when your siblings visit you?

Weasly · Dec 30, 2014

Just talk to her openly about hiw you feel, she doesnt understand the pressure you are feeling and is unaware about how much work you have, unmarried siblings generally will never understand all that. Just talk to her

shrivni · Dec 30, 2014

Dear,

It is true that unmarried siblings don't understand our pressure. And when they in their college days, they will be in their own world and will never understand our pressure.

We have two choices,

1. To leave them as they are. . .and enjoy their days in your house
2. To be very strict to them and assign tasks to them, like making simple dish, dish washing, washing clothes, cleaning etc.,

Better, let her enjoy her holidays. she would've had a long tiring college days may be.

And elder sisters are more like mothers. . .take care of her as your kid. . .

All the Best!!!!

Khushi78 · Dec 30, 2014

Dear OP,
Flag the issue to your parents when she is not around they may hint to her for helping.
Assign her tasks she can do like cleaning/ ironing/ taking the baby around. Feeding and all u keep to yourself.
It is very clear that she has been pampered in your moms house so getting the sense of helping my not come by herself. Try to explain her softly to start doing these things as she will find it very difficult when she establishes her own home to do these things.

marlboro · Dec 30, 2014

Thanks a lot for your kind advice ladies! Really appreciate it
Unfortunately just after posting this incident, we had a fight where my sister got upset and now feels she is a burden on us and is feeling uncomfortable at my house. She has decided to cut short her vacation. I tried talking with her but she seems really upset.
I guess I am not cut out to host any family

maya69 · Dec 31, 2014

Please dont feel that you did anything wrong in asking her help out a bit. Masters student would mean she is at least 22 yrs old, definetly old enough to help out family for a 2 week visit in such things. Depends on how she was treated at your parents place..did she not do any chores there? Or Maybe she had something else bothering her from her studies..grades not good last semester, or scholarship fell through and was taking it out on you without telling? hopefully next time will be better.

1Sandhya · Dec 31, 2014

She did the right thing. You seem to think her visit means you will get free help for your work. Your expectations are too high. She is not your mom nor has she come for the sole purpose of helping you as you seem to feel. So what if she gets up late? Maybe her sleep cycle shifted due to studying for exams. Would you have had so much expectation if it was your brother or your h's brother? No, right? Asking her to feed the baby is too much... how will she know what to do? I am an experienced mom and even now I would hesitate a little to take the responsibility to feed another's child since I dont know the kid's preferences, likes or dislikes, how much he eats, how he eats etc so intimately as my own kid. what would a college kid know about all this? She was probably exhausted after her exams and wanted to crash and enjoy some home made food. But even that was not okay with you. Both you sisters are thinking of yourselves only. Better you be apart.

sweetsmiley · Dec 31, 2014

she is after all ur younger sister.. u should treat her like ur own kid...
she took right decision...

marlboro · Dec 31, 2014

@1Sandhya: Thanks for your honest feedback ! Sometimes I get things so worked up in my head that an outsiders' perspective helps.

AnonyMouse · Jan 1, 2015

I agree with 1Sandhya. She is a young lady and asking her for her help with the child is too much to ask for. But since you too also work full time, you can ask her for help in other areas like light work in kitchen or so on. This way she can enjoy her break and you can get a little help. You both need to change a little.