Married women and their parental homes

Graciousness means...not interfering in the life of the brother and his wife.Not interfering in the decision of the house that don't concern her.Accepting that the woman who has married her brother and is taking care of their parents has a right to the house .

If the parents don't want the son and daughter in law to live with them....they can always tell them to do so.They can also take legal recourse.How often do you see parents not wanting sons to live with them.There must be some advantage they see in having son and daughter in laws live with them.

As far as the property issue is concerned...the daughter has legal rights over them,whether she takes care of her parents or not.

Where have I made claims for single child family? You are the one who mentioned the lucky single daughter who has to live in a joint family at her husband's plkace. I cannot think of a worse situation to be. The poor daughter can't even call her parents to stay with her if required.So much for her luck.

That would be of course best...but in this thread ,just advocating that the dils who have to or choose to live in joint families have a right in that house. A right that is no less if not more that the daughters right.Also saying the daughters should be more thoughtful towards the woman who is taking care of her parents and their home...a duty that the daughter is not doing/not able to do herself.

 

Well if you are not willing to give the daughter in law a home where she lives with her husband...then you are being so damn unfair.

As for delinking seva...then tell the daughters to leave their husbands,inlaws to take care of their parents. Talking is bloody cheap in a country where people don't have the right to take their decisions.

Beside who is talking about denying the daughter a right to relationship...people just want her to stop meddling or coming in the way of the dils relationship with her husband and in laws.Not meddling in the running of the house she is no longer staying permanently in. God ...post like yours make me thankful I don't have a sister in law.Although I am a sister in law who knows how to mind her business .Every one should have a right to be the queen in their house.

 

Ouch...just realized it is your thread and the issues got mixed up with the other thread.


Yes the daughter has a right to get help from parents if she has a difficult married life...but if the issue is long lasting,then changes should be made in the living arrangement so that the dil and brother are not uncomfortable in the living arrangement.

Yes ...if parents are willing and are able to help with childcare...there is no harm in asking.But it is a bonus...grand parents have done their bit in raising their kids and the choice of taking care of grandchildren should be theirs...without any judgments if they choose to say no.

 

Dear sweetypie,

why does dils having rights,automatically means "the DIL's writ running in the house and her h, pils, should not have much say altogether"? will you say the same if i say the married dd should have some rights in her parental home? going by your logic dds having some rights in her parental home should automatically mean "the dd's writ running in the house and her Bro/sil, parents, should not have much say altogether". Will you say the same in her case as well as you say in case of the dil??? I don't think so.Is having some rights so bad really? It simply means having some say in the matters of household, just as someone gave example of flatmates. If my best buddy shares a flat with some one and i, with my rights to be with my buddy at any times, just ignore that person's existence and go and behave as if that house is my house as my best buddy co-owns that house, how will her flatmate feel??? If she feels bad and demands that her convenience should be considered when it comes to hosting some one so frequently who shows off that the house belongs equally to her if not more, should we all blame her for that demand and cal it her attepts to interfere int he matters of others relation???

Absolutely agree.Others relations are others till the point it is not disturbing some one. The moment it starts disturbing one, it is no longer only 'other's'. It then certainly becomes the business of the one who is suffering because of that in some way.

you are saying the dil should not interfere in the matters of bro-sis relation. Would you say the same for your dh if he has to bear the load of your bro-sis relationship in some way, suppose, your bro goes and does things in his home or life that disturb him?? Why not keep the loads of your relationship to yourselves only??? If you do that i guess dils won't have any problem and even if they do, then call them selfish, or home breaker or whatever you want.

If the parents do not want to give their property to their sons and dils only and hence do not want to come and live with the dd who is more than willing to have them with her, then that is their problem not the dils' or sons. If the parents want to keep their right on the home intact and hence live with son and dils(as you mentioned) then there is some price for that to pay, namely adjusting with the said son and dil, just as if the dil wants to keep her right on the in law's home intact and hence live with pils then there is some price to pay for that, namely adjusting with the said pils. It is simple. They both have to adjust with each-other. how will you feel if the dil bring and keep her mother or sister for a prolonged time in that house even when pils are not liking it? Would you ignore the pil's inconvenience and rather say that they are coming between mom-dd relation or sis-sis relation??? same way the pils should not bring and keep their dds or any other relatives for prolonged time if the dil does not like it. This is what is called adjustment that everyone living together as a family needs to do.

 

repetition deleted

 

I am not sure if I am understanding this.

Is the question whether the DIL has more rights in parents(her PIL) home than the daughter does? - in case of joint family where DIL lives with parents(her PILs) and daughter doesn't

The answer is YES, OF COURSE. This has nothing to do with MIL/DIL/SIL relationships. It is extremely simple. When you don't live there, you forfeit the rights to make most of the day to day decisions.

If you don't want this to happen, please don't move out. Either don't get married or bring your husband to live there or live alone without your husband or ask your parents to live alone... whatever it doesn't matter. But don't move out.

You can't claim ownership of 2 homes. Just one. And I think that it would be best for everyone if that place is the one where your husband and children are.

If you have issues with your inlaws and cannot be happy there, doesn't mean that you can cause issues for your SIL. That is not her business and please don't make it her problem. How is it good to make your SIL feel that she is paraya in your parents' house just because your PIL make you feel that way in their house? How are you any better?

Now that doesn't mean that you should be unwelcome in your parents' house. Just that once you move out, you can definitely stay there but unfortunately as a temporary guest and you have to comply with the wishes of the host - one of which is your SIL.

My husband does not have any sisters while I have a brother, so I am not being biased. I genuinely think that this is what is fair. Not wonderful or even advantageous for me but fair.

 

I am only child to my parents ....

I feel the same about my parents' home...I even call it my home besides my OWN one...

They have/are helped/helping me with both deliveries and infant care, not that i can't do it on my own...they feel that it's important for them to be with me during my delivery and they want to hold their infant Grandkids and i cannot deny it.
They haven't been in a position where they need my help, it think that's good...I make
sure they are financial good...which they are by their own means....

Nothing changed as far as the relationship is concerned...it's always has remained the same...I still fight with my mom for silly stuff and viz... not that i am proud of it...but it has always been there and still there....

as far as ILs, whenever MIL wanted to chip in child care I always have let her do what she can so that she doesn't feel deprived. We send them money and financially well supported by us and travels here very frequently.

 

@JustLikeYou,
Can you do me a favor and please keep jyothika picture as your avatar. We are not confused enough with @justmyself and @justanothermom.

JustKidding!!! ( hey, this is not a bad id to have. I called it first!! )

Sorry for the detour.

 

@frommars look for the cuter one and YouFindMe


Now, talk about overconfidence:8)