Log in or Sign up

How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
Dismiss Notice

Husband cheated me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by priyanka12345, Dec 11, 2014.

Page 4 of 7

Dec 15, 2014 #31

Hyral Gold IL'ite

Messages:

474

Likes Received:

439

Trophy Points:

123

Gender:

Female

priyanka12345 said: ↑

I have only told mine and his parents. my husband side has always called my parents for that matter my mama and mami as well to make me understand on how to adjust etc.
it was utter humiliation from me. after all this , we had alomst reached divorce stage where husband had hit me for some fights and called my parents.
later we patched up for my son but then this. after my parents were being dragged in all the fights between me and my ILs ( anbd husband) I have my duty to tell them what has happened.
they have supported me through all these 5 years and i cant just stop telling them.
his parents are of no use and they even did not call me or my parents whereas they had called mine always

my parents wont tell this to anyone nor will his. am sure
if i go fpr divource obviously this will be ground for it and hence all will know.
if not only parents and they being parents are going to forgive if i forgive.

i dont agree that we should keep parents in dark. they have every right to know.
Click to expand...

I agree with Priyanka, yes Parents are 1st one and has right to know whats happening in their children's life...and here in this case the OP's Parents are more entitled to know after all they got their daughter married off to a guy whom not only their daughter but even they too trusted....After getting daughter married off the parents responsibilities doesn't ends here...I feel sad and pitty on those females whose parents are not supportive in such cases towards their daughter....OP is lucky that her parents are standing by her and indeed...she should not take this incident so lightly...her DH said he didnt go beyond only lil touching....whats the proof he didnt do nething else? and he wont do nething in future....what the hell guys thinks wife are? We are emotionally weak when we get hurt, we fall in love so on...but we can be emotionally strong too....and OP can give back to her DH .... she needs to teach him a leason...even if she decides to stay with him....her DH needs to learn and get his mind and heart straight....

Hyral, Dec 15, 2014

Hyral, Dec 15, 2014

#31
Dec 15, 2014 #32

needhappylife Junior IL'ite

Messages:

25

Likes Received:

9

Trophy Points:

13

Gender:

Female

Don't think of divorce now itself...Once trust is broken, building the trust is very difficult and your husband needs to work very hard.

y ur DH regretting now since you know the truth..why not earlier...Don't fall for his regrets immediately..Be strong and observe him carefully..

Y that lady still contacting your husband after you told everything to her hubby..and even ur husband told her not to talk.

What kind of intentions more she has..She is such a iditic girl, was she not aware of she is married with a kid..why she want to spoil other married women life!!! I hate this kind of females to the core!!! such a stupid female she is..

needhappylife, Dec 15, 2014

needhappylife, Dec 15, 2014

#32
Dec 16, 2014 #33

guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

2,786

Likes Received:

7,303

Trophy Points:

408

Gender:

Female

Op, it is time for you to stop and work your marriage out.

you have been through a lot of marital problems and problems with ILs; haven't you? Right now you have a upper hand. You can convert this to your advantage by meticulously figuring out and communicating what you expect from this marriage going further.

Stop obsessing about this particular issue - yes he got attracted to someone else; however, nothing happened. I'm not going to give him credit for having reined in his desires. He just did the right thing, that's all. Stop talking about this issue however stong the urge is.

sit him down and tell him that you have had enough with tjese problems and it is about time he works on putting your family(you, him and your son) first. Tell him you have been unhappy with all the unfairness you have had to face. Tell him you want things to change. Tell him he really has to start respecting your parents. Drag him to a marital counsellor. Make him work on these.

Strike ke while the iron is hot. Right now you can mould your marriage into the shape you want it to be. It is up to you whether you wish to use this upper hand you have to fix your marriage or whether you want to throw everything away. Think. Then act.

guesshoo, Dec 16, 2014

guesshoo, Dec 16, 2014

#33

7 people like this.
Dec 16, 2014 #34

tarasharma Gold IL'ite

Messages:

563

Likes Received:

430

Trophy Points:

138

Gender:

Female

KP55 said: ↑

If you really loved him and he was 'worth it' you would find it in your heart to forgive. But instead, you took this opportunity to blast him in front of his and your family. .
Click to expand...

Somehow I don't agree with this. I find nothing wrong in telling his parents and her parents. What was she supposed to do? After going through something of this magnitude, who will have to heart to forgive?

tarasharma, Dec 16, 2014

tarasharma, Dec 16, 2014

#34
Dec 16, 2014 #35

priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

Messages:

464

Likes Received:

160

Trophy Points:

93

Gender:

Female

I agree guesshoo that I have upperhand now.
i cant trust him still can try doing for sometime for my son.my husband also keeps pinging me when he goes away for sometime from office to canteen etc.. saying what he is doing and all..

but when i told him that i need security because of following reasons :
1) my ILs, husband has many times told me to get out of my house for fights with ILs or so called insults to ILS. even my SIL has said so.
2) the house is in name of my husband and my MIL since they shared some money before my marriage. but since its their name they take this to advantage and have asked me to get out. husband is paying EMI
3) after all this we came to pune and live in rented house whereas my ILS and SIL live in my home in mumbai.
4) I asked husband that if i need to trust him , i will think over but if i decide so, I need security for me and my son.
5) he always used to question me if i will take care of his parents if he dies soon etc. and has doubts abt him.
6) this time i told him, there is no support from ur parents after these things, they shouted at my parents earlier and now are hiding when its ur fault.they are embrassed or whatever but i counterquestioned him , r u sure ur parents will be with me if u die. will i get to live with diginity and respect in ur home? because then it will be MILs home.
7) for all this i asked him to add my son's name to flat and make me nominee ( as son is minor), or get me new flat or sell this and take 2 flats.
8) he started with i am after money etc etc, now i am using all this to my advantage and this is what i want money etc.
9 ) i said him whatever u think but i need security henceforth if i have to live with you.
10) he came up with whateever he has is my son's and mine etc. but not ready to change it in writing. i dont trust this more. am sure he will change his colors once i accept him ( if i do still not decided)
11) he says what if he adds my name or removes his and i make him move out of the house. so he does not trust me and wants me to trust him after all this
12) he keeps saying he has only emotions for me and my son and nothing much for his parents.. he does not call them etc as well but i dont trust him. his words and his bahviour are contradictory.
13) he is still concerned what if i have on my name or how to sell the flat and ask his parents to move to new one etc.
14)he is saying that he could not tell his parents everything as well as he is humilated. i said he has to suffer for what he did inspite of my warnings.

what if he does not give me security in terms of house in my name. i need it as if something else happens i need a place where me and my son can live with respect.

i can buy in pune on my own and can live alone as well but i want to see how much he cares for me and in such situation atleast does he be on receiveing end .
i always have been on receiveing end for my son but dont want to compromise furthur.

i will surely insult my ILs when they came and talk to me and have asked my parents also to give them back for what they told them ( abt my character , my manners, my upgringing etc etc)

I have this question what if he does not agree on providing security. how much to trust him?

guesshoo said: ↑

Op, it is time for you to stop and work your marriage out.

you have been through a lot of marital problems and problems with ILs; haven't you? Right now you have a upper hand. You can convert this to your advantage by meticulously figuring out and communicating what you expect from this marriage going further.

Stop obsessing about this particular issue - yes he got attracted to someone else; however, nothing happened. I'm not going to give him credit for having reined in his desires. He just did the right thing, that's all. Stop talking about this issue however stong the urge is.

sit him down and tell him that you have had enough with tjese problems and it is about time he works on putting your family(you, him and your son) first. Tell him you have been unhappy with all the unfairness you have had to face. Tell him you want things to change. Tell him he really has to start respecting your parents. Drag him to a marital counsellor. Make him work on these.

Strike ke while the iron is hot. Right now you can mould your marriage into the shape you want it to be. It is up to you whether you wish to use this upper hand you have to fix your marriage or whether you want to throw everything away. Think. Then act.
Click to expand...

priyanka12345, Dec 16, 2014

priyanka12345, Dec 16, 2014

#35
Dec 16, 2014 #36

bulesha Silver IL'ite

Messages:

90

Likes Received:

114

Trophy Points:

83

Gender:

Female

Dear Priyanka12345.....14,
I don't see you want to give chance to save your marriage rather you want to settle score with your hubby, ILs, SIL etc. Enjoy your upperhand with a caution that every day is not the same.

bulesha, Dec 16, 2014

bulesha, Dec 16, 2014

#36
Dec 16, 2014 #37

satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

Messages:

17,880

Likes Received:

25,954

Trophy Points:

590

Gender:

Female

**********

satchitananda, Dec 16, 2014

satchitananda, Dec 16, 2014

#37
Dec 17, 2014 #38

ErRamesh Junior IL'ite

Messages:

32

Likes Received:

6

Trophy Points:

13

Gender:

Male

Probably you need to realise that we are all humans. He was playing with fire and now he realizes that it hurts when you play with something you arent supposed to. Moreover everyone deserves atleast one chance.It would be wise to try and make things better because he is regretting. Right now it would seem very hurting but eventually things would turn better. Can you answer yourself... that you have never ever looked at anyone other than your husband.

ErRamesh, Dec 17, 2014

ErRamesh, Dec 17, 2014

#38
Dec 17, 2014 #39

tarasharma Gold IL'ite

Messages:

563

Likes Received:

430

Trophy Points:

138

Gender:

Female

ErRamesh said: ↑

. Can you answer yourself... that you have never ever looked at anyone other than your husband.
Click to expand...

I really do not understand what you mean by this comment. Do you imply all men and women "look" other ways in a marriage? Is it the norm??? I find this comment extremely demeaning.

tarasharma, Dec 17, 2014

tarasharma, Dec 17, 2014

#39
Dec 17, 2014 #40

Rise Platinum IL'ite

Messages:

1,380

Likes Received:

1,483

Trophy Points:

283

Gender:

Female

The trust is totally lost in this marriage... its now all about tit for tat.... i guess you move on.

Rise, Dec 17, 2014

Rise, Dec 17, 2014

#40

(You must log in or sign up to reply here.)

Page 4 of 7

Share This Page