Anyone living with cheating husband?

Hi All:
Its been nearly 6 months now. Lots happened but all negative only.

I am living alone now with my daughter.

After my last post once we had argument, i only scolded but he was very confident and says my daughter will understand. The way he talks confidently we should think twice whether we are talking properly only and this is about this problem only or what?

After that I dint talk with him. Meanwhile, I thought of discussing with his mom on this but she was ignoring and tried to change topic. His dad told he will ask him when he comes home. My husband rarely visit his home. So left that attempt also.

Just thought it shud be some prostitute or some married woman as he was telling again and again he is not leaving. Just thought of ignoring and concentrate in me , work and daughter. Meanwhile my full-time maid also left so was managing cooking, daughter, work alone.

I didnt know to unlock his phone so whenever he was in pooja when call comes i will run to see the name. As i was not knowing any names except one girl who was in our company for long time. She looks descent middle class girl someone like me. So I didnt want to doubt her just because i know her name. Other reason is I thought he will defintely fall for mallu girls as I felt he was missing real authentic mallu touch even though i speak 100% in malayalam and follow their culture at home. (I am a tamilian). This girl is kannadiga (may be tullu ) from Mangalore unmarried. Whenever i go only she will call so i used to think im not able to find the culprit's name yet.

In oct, i decided i will got to my parents home for diwali against his wish. He was very angry and when i was in moms place he called and told he is going to kerala for business meetings. Then next day he called and told he is not well and admitted in hospital ,...call his home and ask his uncle to come. He was in calicut and his home in thrissur. I started immediately that night with my daughter and my father to calicut.

He was in ICU. he got bad fits and diagnosed for minor clot in brain. As soon i reached his cousin handed over my husband's phone and wallet. Then we went and vacated his hotel room he was in. I saw a flight ticket to cochin for previous week with that mangalore lady. Didnt suspect.

As i donno to unloack i didnt even bother to take out his phone. Someone called for him and realised lock is gone when it fell down or something. First i was looking for my messages as he never replied ...wanted to check whether he received or not. He recived last messages but there were no older messages. May be deleted.

Then immediately checked for messages with girls name. Didn't bother against o open mangalore girls messages. Phone got switched off.

Nurse called for wife as he wanted to talk. Went in . First time he saw me in that condition...imagine his mental condition...he know he got fits and nothing else. he is ICU and he is getting small fits every 15 minutes. What will a common man have in his mind...fear of death?? When he see someone close even if it was enemy at the death bed ..people will forget anything and cry. He was showing same angry face and asked for phone.Nurse told not allowed he was asking there was a meeting scheduled clients will be waiting i need to inform. I asked can i ask ur office people to contact ur client ...he told i need to call.

Went back and kept for charging. One more lady called that morning ffrom his office and asked about his health. She called me again when charging so i asked was there any meeting scheduled. She told nothing as of her knowledge. I thought she donno as she is new and asked for that mlore girl. she told she had gone home for diwali.

Then after charged a bit ..i went and gave the phone to nurse understanding he wanted to call "other women" and stood out.When nurse gv bk..i saw he called that mlore girl first - i assumed he gave all instructions for office and meeting as she takes care of everything. Then one male number.

As it is ICU, we have no choice to sit on chairs outside waiting. Didnt think he uses whatsapp till then. So didnt even bother to look for. Just saw contacts name and cudn't make out anything.

One more client called and asked for mlore lady's number as he needs to talk urgently. When i was trying to messgae him her number phone got switched off. I called the other colleague who called me in morning to ask about him and told her to inform mlore girl to contact that client.

So now the mlore girl came to know about my husband's health. She called his number and asked I was explaining everything. I told it is sunday now, morning once dr checked and told we need to keep on observation for 24 hrs to decide anything. Then after 1 -2 hrs she called again. Again explained. Then again in evening. I got irritated- i told see dr will come tomorrow only then only i will have any update. So we asked for room in hospital only in advance as he will be shifted to room from ICU so that we can stay.

At night took his phone again. In photos i saw his sisters sons photos. she sent me that on whatsapp. So then i realize he is using whatsapp and searched for that and opened.

There i saw ...from this lady ...last love messages. If the last message was general about work may be i wouldnt have even opened. Shattered into pieces. *** code words we both share was there . Whole night I didnt sleep. Next day 7:30 they will allow to see him. I went and his first word was phone. Till then he didnt even ask for my daughter. In front of me only he called. Only "ya", OK , nothing...these words we can hear. Silly smile...with ok ok... i can understand it was kisses as we did the same before marriage. told about hospital details. I understood she is coming. His mom didnt come as SIL is there at home. God knows what the hell she thinks. It is 1 month after she delivered...they are sorrounded with relatives but still she dodnt want to leaver her daughter and come. she came for 1 hr and went.

Imagine ladies my condition to stand next to him understanding his conversations but cudnt tell anyone and keeping it myself thinking he is not well and not good time. Evening he was shifted to room and from then he was on phone only texting. He told from offive ppl r coming... i asked why at this time...he told i donno after booking tickets they are telling. I saw him lying (he never used to lie even in college- he was dare to tell truth), saw him acting talking like professional in front of me...

Didnt sleep again. Couldn't have food. But have to hide everything in front of others. Next day morning i was expecting her anytime. I told his dad before night that she is the person and she is coming. He just says let us discharge we will talk. Couldn't control and thought of calling his mom and asking her to come. SHe was not at home. So asked SIL directly can you manage with someone and send ur mom. SHe thought im tensed becuse of his health. She askeing me to tell him not to take calls now. Then cudnt control and broke...i told her everything. she was not aware of this all these time. Then i think she told her mom and by the time his uncle had come. His mom told him also. This girl came with one old accountant for name sake. His uncle enquired that accountant generally and he told no problem. His uncle asked his cousin who is just studying in college to check his phone for messges. he saw and told nothing suspicious. So they all convinced me it is very bad time for me and him as per astrology that i have to doubt and he has to be doubted. this will get solved. I went furious and told he himself accepting and u ppl r saying it is doubt. He wud hv deleted the messages.But within 1 hr before his uncle tell nothing his mom had asked to his uncle to give his phone to her. SHe asked her name, her family and asked whether she is married...when she told no...she just replied my son is married and have a wife and daughter. I wasn't aware of this until recently that his mom talked with her.

So he was in hospital for 10 more days. for me without office work and no diversion inside a small room seeing him texting and going out and talking after 10 for an hour or so...and her visit again in 4 days... i went mad ...i lost 5 kgs in 10 days without sleep and proper food. Running here and there for insurance and serving him.

Actually his driver tried to give me hint wheich i never taken it seriously. he used to tell she only controls the office. I thought she is hired for that. Them remebering and understanding reason behind every action of him. In july 2013 i remember he told her boyfriend is scolding her to quit this job as she has to leave late in night. From Aug he started avoiding me and sleeping in hall telling some reasons. Driver told only she and other girl are now only girls. in her messages in whatapp she was complaining abt her and i was expecting she will be out soon. Immediately when he was in hospital only he fired other girls also.

When we reached blore after spending 2 days in his home, immediately cooked BF and lunch. He woke up late and immediately he was starting telling meeting. actually he told he is cancelling that meeting when he was in hospital. I got furious and shouted at him...telling i know everything..and asked him is she prostitute and every bad things. I was controlling for 15 days and bursted. Remember within 1 hr of knowing this his mom cudnt control and talked with her on phone. I controlled for 15 days. Without any distraction losing all my leaves and went in LOP and serving him and immediately if he starts after coming here. I scolded badly. I scolded him daily parying for 45 min is no use. I asked him whether she is with him only or with everyone in his office. Within one moth of u telling they r having problem she came to u. is that whether her boyfriend left after knowing their relationship. i told u cannot undertans my pain as u keep changing people. is he is owner of the company or is she now. i cursed her. He left then without a single word as reply. He just asked are u cursing her or me? he left on nov 9 and never back yet, once a week he will come for 1 hr to see my daughter.

Everyone knows he is with her but couldn't anything as he is complainng he cant talk anything and still not well. Whatever their family trying to talk he is shouting and keeping the phone telling not well. Now he got an excuse of brain related problem...so they are very scared already he is in business tension and not to include this also. His mom crying to me...if he is there only na we can try anything...what if something happens to him.

I cried a lot and getting better now to face things. If he comes back it shud be with begging for forgiveness realizing his mistake. if he is not coming back, i will lead my life. I am just focusing me now. I am not talking anything to him on phone if he calls for talking with daughter and not when he comes home.

But i ask myself and god several hundred times...what sin i made?

I n his house same old story ...time is not good and he is not well and cant talk anything now. But atleast he accepted his relationship now. till he tell them they were all thinking im doubting.but no use...they didnt do anything other than asking me to pray.

IN november full i was trying to get their help. On nov 30 i sent a last message to his sis, i know u cant do anything but im getting angry when u try to justify because of bad time or his health. i asked in this same health condition instead of this weakness if he had got addicted to drugs or gambling and keeping all ur house properties...will u all keep silent and wait for him to realise and come back? you will not- in that case his health will get spoiled and ur properties will go. here it is only me to suffer so u r silent. I told i will not talk anything more abt him to u and u dodnt force me to talk with him.

I am not taking any decision myself or forcing him to take any decision now. I am just getting prepare myself to face anything comes up.