Kanyadaan should stop??

Whether he or she was humoring me is not important. The fact that this hospital is a multispeciality teaching hospital and does not allow dads in the LW is the point I was trying to highlight.

They could be right about it, but then it happens in the rarest of rare cases, and every father cannot be denied his right to attend his wife's delivery just because of some survey. Moreover everybody should be given a choice regardless of anything.








I guess there are more doctors who like to 'humour' their patients.

Here go you.............

Men should 'stay away from childbirth' | Life and style | The Guardian

A top obstetrician on why men should NEVER be at the birth of their child | Daily Mail Online

 

there are also benefits from having a woman or women around. their experienced help and support is very beneficial. most of the women who have MIL problems and/or having a NRI influenced mindset blather on about bonding and privacy. also the western men started being present in the delivery room only after a breakdown in the cohesive family system. else they would have had men being present during birth from the beginning. it came out of a vacuum in the traditional family unit and was replaced by the husband. or these days, the baby daddy, as they call it.

don't get me wrong, like i said, not advocating for a theater, but don't think your world view is better for those from other cultures.

i asked you a question about respect, old age and affection. what you see in india with regards to that did not come from a individualist, me first, privacy obsessed, isolating culture. do we have warts in our culture, sure we do. nobody is glossing over that, but let the indians deal with it from their own cultural viewpoint. rather than aping the west, or having outsiders come in and talk down at them based on some internet indians' viewpoints.

 

What is this NRI based mindset?

From what I have seen here on ILs...there are two types of NRIs.

One who choose to view India The way most modern educated Indians view. They want changes ...and are happy to see changes.The ones Who enjoy the benefits of the west.....and are happy to see some of those changes happening in India....the same changes that make life easier in the west.

Then there are the NRIs who choose the benefits of the west for themselves...whether it is the physical benefits or the liberal cultural benefits. But when it comes to India...they want nothing to change. Any change is seen as a betrayal of their traditions.......very much like the dils who don't want to live in joint families......but are the first to cry if their own bhabhi (brother's wife) wants to separate from her own parents.
..........................................................................................

Coming back to the topic.......Daddy's are not allowed in military hospitals too. At least they were not allowed till 15-16 years back.I remember the doctor telling my husband that he would love to have him in the OT...but rules don't permit. I know I would rather have had my husband in there than any one else.He did stand outside the room and was the first to hold them once they came out. He held both for a long time....kissed their foreheads,little noses ,fingers and toes .He also took care of them in the hospital till I was in hospital....changed their nappies,sponged them....clean all kind of stuff . Is he a better father ....? He is much closer to my daughters than I was to my father or he was to his. But I don't think it is the result of only the initial bonding....times have changed too.

 

how about an NRI who knows both sides of the coin, is not against change (see my warts and all comment above), has the advantage of understanding fundamental flaws in aping a culture because of the shiny surface gloss. the rest of your bhabhi stuff i don't identify with, no idea what it means, so i can't speak to that.

my grandpa was posted to a different place when my mother was born, he saw her after a full three months. i can tell you she's daddy's girl through and through. she had an intuition about his passing though in another city. that's how close their bonding was.

 

What is the fundamental flaw in getting the fathers involved in child birth and child care? How is that hitting at Indian traditions? Why would the involvement of men in childcare be seen as such a negative or something imported from the west...so ....wrong? When women can go out and do everything that men are doing...why so much resistance to men helping out with initial baby care...when the woman really does need his help.

Or is it just something to be resisted because the 'outsider 'is writing in favor of it?

And if you want to say having mils at child birth is a tradition that helps most women.......then we are talking about an ostrich and a lot of sand.

 

laugh1smiley
oh YM.

 

Kanyadaan or having your husband with you delivery room - these are very personal decisons. I am not sure why west is bad east is good debate is needed. I am sure some women prefer their mother or other women and some of us our husbands during delivery.

TGG bring a very important point about not just about baby bonding with father but about a husband and wife bonding with each other as she says- " the most beautiful, intimate and divine experience" It is all that- and considering she is not yet married, is very wise. Your future husband will be lucky :thumbsup

I should know that- I had a very difficult pregnancy right from start (something that I never shared here) and even had the baby few weeks early- much early than hoped. After a 20 hour labor, I finally had to be rushed into an emergence c-section. I was petrified. I was shivering like crazy, asking them to remove the curtain like thing from my face ( for some reason, I felt it was very close to my face- even though it was not as I was told- and I was feeling very claustrophobic). I dont think anyone could have calmed me or helped me get through all that as he did. My husband did more for me during my entire pregnancy, childbirth and in weeks that followed than even my mother. My mom would have done everything for me but he wanted to be involved all throughout. I too felt more comfortable around my husband.

Now, the bonding between dad and baby does not necessarily happen in those first few days (though it helps expedite it, if you ask me). Obviously, my dad was not in the delivery room with mom and yet I am still very very close to dad. But a man witnessing his wife go through all the pain and share that precious moment of bringing the new life together, in most case only lead to them appreciating and loving their wife more- in my opinion.

 

after hearing the whole ramayana she asks who is sita! this thread is now stuck at birth and the father's role in it. but my point is larger than that. you are brainwashed into believing that it's fundamental to the bonding process. if you want him there, go ahead. these days, inherent changes in the family structure makes it a necessity rather than exception that father takes over the care provider role after birth. just don't claim that it's a must experience for "bonding".

by the way, traditionally, it's the mother not MIL who helps and supports. did you have your MIL over? i have a fabulous MIL, which is why i don't usually venture to give suggestions on the MIL forum! lots of sand there!

 

I do not want to be physically present during child birth when it happens.

 

put on your thick skin armor and hunker down! :mrgreen: