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Qualities in a Girl, I finally thought of....and Zeroed in

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Venu99, Oct 24, 2014.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I still like it...:thumbsup
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    One sentence Venu:
    life is unpredictable, very unpredictable.

    keep that in mind, good wishes.
     
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  3. Venu99

    Venu99 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Rakhi ji,

    How are you? Thank you so much for writing in.
    I value each thing you have spoken of love and support and listening to her.
    These things are educative to me and my age. Thank you so much. :)

    And regarding the criteria i put for myself,i would like to tell you in more clarity about what are all they about

    First, these criteria i set about , are just to help me in the initial stage of selection.
    For example
    1. Simplicity: By saying this, what i mean to say is, i will opt out girls who are extravagant. And who has lots of expectations. Here again i am not saying they are bad or something. I just prefer someone who has a simple way of living. Simple way of talking. This as you said i may not know her completely, true. But in the several meetings or a single meeting i have, to talk to her, i will opt out if she is too complex for me. She might be an excellent girl. But i will opt out because it will not suit me.
    Again, the person whom i think is simple and calm, she may be having some other desires after marriage, that i dunno. Or nobody knows. But say, if i know 20 percent of her while selecting, i will see that she is not very much into extra ambitions or desires. This is just to help me, to not select the ones which doesn't suit me. It is not like a 100 percent character scan. You are correct in saying that we can never know what the other person is fully. I agree with you.

    2)Divine touch: Again, i will be looking for a girl who does some pooja activity, rather than someone who doesn't know or doesn't have any intrest in such things.
    I will also know,while talking of how she feels about God. There are people who doesn't believe in God or has never done any pooja kind of stuff. So this point will again help me in opting out of such girls. Again they may be excellent girls, but they will not suit me that is it.

    3) Have done something in life: Again as i said, she should be doing well in job. What i thought was, there are many girls who are not in job or prefer household work. I am looking for someone who has already taken up some small responsibility of supporting the family financially, even if it is a small amount. I mean supporting others in education, health etc. These things , girls are very strong minded once they decide to help. So i thought it is better to choose someone, who already have a responsible feeling, rather than spending the salary on her own.

    As you said, it is very difficult to know about this. But i will try getting atleast some opinion on this from her. Whatever percent i can know.

    4) Plan for children: I said a vague plan because, atleast in thoughts i feel a woman might have some idea what they want their children grow up like. It might not be a mature or complete answer. I prefer a woman who atleast says, that she would like to grow up her own children with her own intrest and take care of their certain things. What i felt is, atleast she should have some intention towards growing up of children. A 30 years lady, is i think a fantastic lady, to speak perfectly. But, there are many girls, who have no intentions of taking care of their children, and just are self centric. Especially in these times. So i thought atleast she should have some thinkings towards children.


    That is it Rakhi. And in each point, it is just my selection criteria. This is not any expectation to be clear. Everybody is free. So i will just take her opinion on these 4. Because a person who has lot of desires cannot obviously behave simple.And likewise. So in our interactions, i will keep in mind these 4 major things.

    Apart from these, i donot have much criteria of beauty, money, status, etc....

    And as many of you are saying, yes we have to adjust after marriage. True.
    But i cannot go to a marriage selection without any taste of mine Rakhiji.

    It will make me confused, whether to select or not. Because, as you might be aware, once we start thinking, there are thousands of criteria or points to think for selection. So we might end up in selecting the wrong one, i thought.

    And that is why i made sure, atleast 4 things i will check, which are in tune with my taste.

    Thank you once again friendssmiley
     
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  4. Venu99

    Venu99 Bronze IL'ite

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    Ragini, thanks for writing.
    Yeah i agree life is unpredictable. And i have lived every minute of this unpredictable life for 27 years, like all of you did.

    I planned to study science and to become a scientist, but i had to study engineering and became a software engineer. You are right in saying, life takes us somewhere else.

    But, we all, including you and me we plan something in everything.
    Not planning because life is unpredictable, is something that many will not do.
    Planning is using our intelligence or thinking. But life can anyway dominate us.
    Nontheless we all plan.Else i feel, what is the use of having the ability to think or plan.

    Thanks for your reply. Happy Sunday.friendssmiley
     
  5. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Venu, bad news God discontinued that model. The only models available for you are the 90s. It is a different generation than your mom.

    So don't have such expectations that you will someone find someone like your mom. Besides love of mother is different from spouse. Your mom and dad may have their own issues as husband and wife which you may or may not know. So never expect or compare your spouse to your mom. Mom has her own space and Spouse has her own space and both should be equal in your mind and you need to support both of them.
     
  6. Venu99

    Venu99 Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh Being simple, divine, responsible and family care, you are saying that are qualities of 90's and are extinct now?

    Looks like you are the God of things.
    Which area of the world you belong to? Have you toured all the places,in every part of india? Are all societies same?

    Can you also kindly let me know if you have taken a personal survey of all the 1 billion indians? If so kindly forward it to me.

    See, even i cannot generalize everything, because i am not God.
    As you are saying that people who are simple are extinct now, why don't the world experts remove the word 'Simple' from the dictionary of every language?
    Are experts less intelligent than us?

    Please make a entire visit, of your entire state and then speak. We shall listen.
    Just because you have seen some 30-40 years of life in this entire 15 billion old universe, and just because you have interacted with or listened to opinions of 1 lakh people, don't come to conclusion that simple people don't exist.
    It is like saying, since i see a flat earth, earth is flat.
    Types of people, is the variety created by nature. We have all types of people.

    If you happen to visit, cities other than the metro's you will be able to find plenty of them.

    If you are very sure about the extinction of simple girls on this planet, and can provide me a proof of the same, i am sure, i am not going to marry.[

    I was trying to be nice to you in multiple posts, since you are a stranger,but you forced me to give a strong reply. Real nagging.
    If you are seriously concerned about my post, i request you to give some constructive advice. Not statements that irritate and spoil one's mind

    Thanks
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2014
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    All simple girls are there - but on planet Venus, Venu99.

    That is married life in a nutshell! First strangers, being nice when meeting multiple times before wedding, then, the real nagging starts.
     
  8. Venu99

    Venu99 Bronze IL'ite

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    If nagging starts in every marriage, it will start in mine too. Because i am no special.

    But din't understand your comparision between my reply to Akanksha's post, and my wife.
    Family is different from social interaction i believe.

    If there is real nagging, there is also updated law in india, for family nonsense.
    Because nobody has explicit right to cause nagging or disturbance to others.

    And so if we are strangers on this forum. Let us be. Please don't take it for granted that you have any right to impinge on others mood.

    I am in no intrest to deviate yfrom the main intention of my post. Akankasha tried to demean me twice. This is clearly not in good health.

    I request you to kindly co-operate and post some relevant content.

    Apart from counters or satires i haven't heard anything constructive from you Rihanna.

    Please, i am waiting for such things. If you have nothing in mind, then don't atleast post insulting content.

    I hope neither you have any right on me or nor do i. Let us be well behaved.

    Thanks a lot for writing in

    Happy Sundayfriendssmiley
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...you want a wife who is good at her job .Is willing to spend money on others ...and not just herself ....and is willing to bring up her children by herself. Too much expectations from one person.

    Anyways....best wishes and hope you find someone who fits the bill.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2014
  10. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Venu, I never demeaned you. I think you have been missing my point. The point i was trying to make is that one should not expect their spouse to have the same quality as their parents. I didn't expect my husband to be same as my dad. They are different and their roles in our life is different and their interaction with us is different.

    There is no single definition of simple, divine, family care and responsibility. Each generation handles it differently. One example, in old days, newborns were massaged with oil and gram flour and put aanjan in the eyes. Today, most doctors say that it is not good for the child and for that reason today's mom may not like it to be done. Does it mean that the moms (earlier generation or today's generation) do not have responsibility or family care? They have it but their ways will be different. So my suggestion is to you is that it is not fair to compare the way we were brought up by our parents with the way we brought up our younger ones. And this holds true in every aspect of life. My MIL cooks with a lot of oil and spices while i don't. Does it mean that she cared less for her family or does it mean that i care less for the family?

    You are like a younger brother to me and i have no malice towards you. I don't write without thinking, but will admit that my writing sometime has some humor inside it. So please think over what i am saying without labeling me. Good luck.
     
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