1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Single mom and responsibility

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Ujju, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. Ujju

    Ujju Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    I am so happy to see all the replies . I feel depressed so many time and then I feel like sharing my story. I did same yesterday in IL. It's very good response.
    These are very good suggestions. I need to put him in some sports and take him out on weekends. I am not lazy but my mind got destroyed with all the problems i have gone through and my body strongly resist against any change except taking care of kid. First of all I should be more active to make him more happy
    I AM ON IT.

    thank you all.
     
  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,139
    Likes Received:
    3,938
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    op,
    in any situation we get used to all the positives very quickly and only keep thinking about what is missing. This is human nature. Dont feel guilty. But dont go on wrong track. By your choice you have introduced stability, a peaceful environment and dependable parent for your kid. This is present now all the time so you got used to it. Fine but dont discount it. instead of thinking my kid is not getting a dad think my kid is no longer watching me quarrel, get upset and cry, watching dad shout, scream etc whatever was happening in the past. Stop blaming yourself.
    Everything will fall in place. You will slowly find a good male role model for your son. Do you have brother, how about your father? Maybe some male teacher will inspire him. It will all happen in due course. Dont fret about it. Just thank god you got the strength to end that bad situation and came out of it for good.
     
  3. Lavanya30

    Lavanya30 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    141
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Op,

    Good you have taken a step to come out of it. You have actually secured your child's life too, just imagine the situation where your child will be seeing all this and growing up in that atmosphere.............

    Have you ever though of finding a good life partner, sorry if I am sounding impulsive, I do not mean to be rude. I have know a person who was in similar situation of yours with a 4 years old boy, she found a wonderful partner and she moved to US with him and the child., she is leading a very happy life with him and her son who has found a good father in him. These may be rare cases, but I am trying to tell you there are good people in the world.
     
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,800
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Trophy Points:
    300
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Ujju,

    Please take care of yourself, when you are happy, then only your son will be happy.

    Going spiritual way towards life helped me a lot (means yoga, meditation and finding a guru who suits your ideologies). You may try this path for few months and see .It is good for health also.
     
  5. joel123

    joel123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    500
    Likes Received:
    583
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP,
    it's a great thing that you did! Do not feel guilty ..be strong and also it would be good if you can find women in the same situation. Befriend them...they are the best people with whom you can share ...one of my friend used to do this,...she hangs out with fellow moms...with their kids...they even go for trips on vacations ....sometimes these kind of relationships last forever...both persons involved are benefited!
     
  6. Ujju

    Ujju Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Archana,

    Sorry to hear about you but I liked the way you are working out to get away from loneliness. All these inputs gives me courage to lead my life with kid.

    I am on almost same track. Busy working woman and other than work my entire time I dedicated to my child. You guys don't believe now I am so much attached to him like I never enjoyed him like this after I had him. Now I feel like a complete mom because I am playing both roles and nobody is there behind me to push me for everything like it happened when I was in the relationship.
    I am a happy mother but the same as you said emptiness. I feel like nobody can fill it but again this emptiness is sometimes only and it is far better than the torture I wen through in married life.
    I have started going to gym and planning to do some other things to make me engaged. I know lot of creative things...crochet, knitting, drawing....etc.

    Even after all these things still I am puzzled about future.
    ...
    keep me posted
     
  7. 12adityas

    12adityas Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    32
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Male
    For what it's worth, let me share my story, in case you might appreciate it and perhaps it may give you some confidence about yourself and your situation. I am a single dad with two kids. It does make me feel sad too that their mom chose to not be in their life. However, when I think of the kind of influence she would have subjected them to had she wanted to be with them, not to mention the constant yelling and highly violent tongue lashing she dished out to me and them when she was around with us in the past, it's clear to me that that my kids would have grown up with severe psycho problems. Right now, they are getting their love as well as discipline from me and they seem to do well in their school (thank god). So I am ok with this, because this situation benefits them the most compared to the alternative. If I could give them my best and grow them up to have a normal frame of mind when the reach their 20s, then I would consider my life's purpose having been fulfilled:) That may be a loser-like way of looking at it, but heck, for my kids good future, I don't mind being a loser 10,000 times over, I am all they have for now.
     
    6 people like this.
  8. Ujju

    Ujju Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Aditya for sharing your story. Because I am victim of a psycho husband I will not support all the women even though they do wrong.
     
  9. jellyjoop

    jellyjoop Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear OP

    Kids are more aware than we give them credit for and also are more understanding and adaptable. Even one year old child understands and becomes fretful when there is tense atmosphere around it. So your son probably understands you and the choice you made. Your son will grow into one fine man if you bring him up without any bitterness about your own experiences colouring him. Stop being guilty or sorry for yourself and also dont let the child feel that he is missing out on something because he doesnt have a father living with him. You did a good thing and it is better for the child to have a happy single parent than having both parents who are constantly at each others throats. Let him enjoy his school and other activities. Do not bring him to India till he is well adjusted there because in India, there will be nosy relatives and neighbours who are likely to question or pity his status...
     
    3 people like this.
  10. Ujju

    Ujju Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry That was posted before I completed my writing.
    I was always tried to bring a balance in family life but it was over dosed my spouse domination and finally ended up alone with my kid. In my case it was my decision to keep the kid because I didn't want to bring another psycho to the world and don't want to spoil another girl's life ..
    Now I am 100% dedicated to my kid and I am enjoying him more than before after I had him.
    My goal is to grow him without attitude problems ....and remaining like other moms.
     

Share This Page