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Advice needed in a critical situation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Booni, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. sirila29

    sirila29 Bronze IL'ite

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    looks like the husband is all prepared and has done this on purpose. he is doing a drama before. he knows his wife is helpless here and he can act.
    the wife has to portray this as self defence and did it in the spur of the moment. many a time they create such ridiculous situations and make the wife look bad. please get the attorney advice. not sure how she can surpass this and please keep us posted how she is doing. we will keep praying for her.
    there is MAITRI | Helping Women Help Themselves
    she needs a strong support group around her.

    manavi in new jersey.
    please contact them. she needs lot of comfort from you friends.
     
  2. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    I think he is done with her and using this incidence as an accuse to harass her. Stupid fellow doesn't care about his own kids. Worst part is all this police record may impact her chance of getting a job in the future. So even they would reconcile, he can't have her work even if he may want to.

    First of all, inform your friends to be careful when she speaks to authority or him. He may record the conversation and use it against her. She doesn't need to apologize or say anything just maintain that she was scared and was acting in self defense. Again she needs a good lawyer. Does she have any relatives in US that can help her?
     
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  3. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    bottom line: She should get a very good lawyer. No need for self initiated apologies or confessions. As her friend you should tell her to stop apologizing, talking to the husband or police, or in a desperate attempt to make it all go away impetuously agreeing or signing anything for the time being. Strictly only to talk to a good lawyer and go per their instructions. Looks like your friend has lil bit impetuous nature (from incident) so you should really ask her to be patient and do or say anything after thinking it through.

    Are there any friends or relatives to whom she mentioned the ongoing fights? Any previous incidents? Any other 911 calls? If this is ongoing there must be some record somewhere. Now is time to stop being emotional, think coolly and assemble the points in her defence.
     
  4. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    No matter how mutual, she was the one who took the butter- knife. Unfortunately, it will be held against her unless she too have evidence of him being physical abuse.

    If the husband was attacking her, she should have called cops or removed herself from such toxic situation. Physical fights in front of kids is not the way to go. No matter who wins, the losers will be children. Is that what this mom or dad want for their children?


    If living with such an individual is so hard, get a divorce and spare the kids of this regular torture. Kids that grow up in such environment more often than not end up with lot of issues.

     
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  5. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, please sit down with your friend and have her write down all the incidences of the past. Make sure you she has a good convincing story and she sticks to the story as scripted. She should not move away from the script or say something contradictory. She has the right to remain silent and have her lawyer speak.

    The first objective here should be to move out of the legal tangle. She can do all the repentance and other things latter.
     
  6. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    The wife lost control and I too think he is using this situation to his advantage.

    I second all conversation only in presence of lawyer so she does not incriminate herself in front of authorities.

    I will add though that recording a private conversation without agreement of both parties is not just illegal but also inadmissible.

     
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  7. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    Thanks to everyone who ever replied.
    She doesn't have any relatives here she's in my house since a week.
    She has good financial background in India. That's all.
    Here she is not ready to fight. So she's going thru this apologizing route.
    I told her to fight. But I can only tell. Rest is her decision.
    It's a stupid fight but husband made use of the situation and exploiting her helplessness.
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Did your friend go into an ER or Doc's office and get treated at any time now or in the past for any kind of physical injury she may have incurred? If there have been instances of abuse and she has confided in others/gone to the docs etc, those instances can help her. She needs to tell her lawyers everything. Hopefully the lawyer will know how to handle this.
    Regarding apologising and trying to go back to him, there is no going back. If the spouse can instigate her to pull the butter knife and then wait until the next day or week to call the cops(by then her injuries have healed, no record of him doing anything) then he is doing this with the help of information he has found somewhere. She has to be extremely careful. Don't let her open her mouth to the hubby/cops/DA whoever without her lawyer present to defend her.
     
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  9. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    sdiva20, Texas is different. They are different from the nation. Here is what Texas recording law states.

    Therefore, if you operate in Texas, you may record a conversation or phone call if you are a party to the conversation

    This is pretty serious, if she gets charged for attempted murder, the penalties range from 5 years to 15 years in Texas. Do you think her offense constitute for that level or punishment?

    She already has gone through much humiliation, mug shot taken, strip search, etc. Remember Devyani Khobragade, diplomat that got arrested for not paying her maid enough.
     
  10. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Its not about fighting, it is about protecting herself from going to prison. She needs to be careful at what she says to whom. Apologizing will make it more difficult for her.
     

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