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my mother - mom is mom but could not tolerate her behaviour

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by vijisivaji15, Aug 8, 2014.

  1. vijisivaji15

    vijisivaji15 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear friends,

    Hope you all r doing good.
    I have always been a good reader of this Indusladies. But this is my first post seeking valuable advise from u all.

    Out of more mental stress, Im writing this.

    I’m working at private firm aged (31) unmarried. Me, mom-aged (62) and grand-ma(mother’s mom) are living together at our house. I lost my dad 3 yrs back. He was such as nice person and healthier too but due to stress and depression he got heart-attack suddenly and left this world without struggling not for more than 10mins.
    Such a peaceful last breath he had.

    My problem is my mom. She was never ever happy and wanted no one to be happy. She always create sympathy with everyone.

    I have elder sister who is happily married and recently gave birth to a girl baby who is 29 days old.
    My sister also live in same place but 15 mins drive at a separate house.

    After 3 yrs by gods grace, She got pregnant and we were very happy.

    My brother-in law such a nice person who took care my mom as his own mom.

    My mom is very thin, only 33kg weight, anyone looking at her will feel pity on her appearance.

    On seeing this my brother-in law decided not to leave his wife at our house for pregnancy care& delivery.

    Somehow they both managed at their house for cooking and other household activities and everything went ok, without disturbing my mom.
    On my sister’s 9th month she had some complication due to her pregnancy edema and was advised to undergo surgery immediately without any delay on Friday
    Please note that for every medical checkup only we three me,sister,&brother-in law used to go to hospital. My mom never ever thought of accompanying her own daughter(my sister). We used to go and come. For this I used to get indirect scoldings from my mom.

    On Sunday that is two days after my sister delivered the baby. My mom called to my mobile saying that her jewels are missing. It is always her habit to keep her belongings somewhere and forget about it and ending with blaming anybody.

    Likethis, he blamed one of my brother-in law’s brother who was so helping at the hospital for our needs. He was such a nice person who took care of many things as our brother. My sister only sent him to take care of my mom and house. So as to close the collapsible gate which my mom cannot close.

    That made the bad day to blame him.

    Initially she called me and said, “ My purse is missing which had bangles,chain and some money in it. After few hrs again she called me and told I got the purse back from a another bedroom, but the bangles are missing.

    But I believe, those Bangles are with her only. She would have kept it somewhere where none can notice it.

    Today again at 8am she told that her gold 2 line chain is missing and telling me that I doubt that ur brother-in law has taken this. Please note that my sister and brother-in-law are at their home only. My sister was not interested to come to Amma’s house due to earlier theft problem and fight b/w Mom&brotherinlaw
    I could not really manage this situation .

    Today Aug 8 me,mom and brother-in law went to Police station and my mother logged complaint for this multiple thefts.

    In my Amma house Me,mom,mom’s amma ie grandma, grandma’s sister ie. Amma chitti and servantmaid are there.

    I really don’t like my grandmothers as they are just elders and never ever helpless during our tough times. But simply they will sit around my mom and praise her and mainly they wanted to create gap between mom.me and brother-inlaw


    Please pour ur suggestions on how can I handle this situation??
    Iam planning to take my mom to some depression counselling to a psychologist in chennai?

    Initially my mom and brother-inlaw was so close like real momand son. But now I feel like she deperessed a lot since he was not talking with her at all.
    So is she trying something like drama or anything.

    I really don’t know how to handle this?? Please advice


    OM SAI SRI SAI JAI JAI SAI
     
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  2. seekingbless

    seekingbless Platinum IL'ite

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    i think ur mom is in her own world of delusion and keep blaming people around her.
    its could be due to ur father's demise or ur mother's old mother.

    she may be assuming that all of u (ur sister, bil and u) are having nice time, but she is stuck at home only with ur grandma.
    her anger might due to sister's fight with ur mother.

    u will need to give assurance to ur mother that u will be there for u mother always and love her alot. only love and assurance is what ur mother needs.
     
  3. nithyadavidson

    nithyadavidson Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Read your post and I understand the mental stress you are in, the problem is your mom is in her own world of imagination as seekingbless told, she does not believe anyone, we cannot do much, she is mentally strained that is the reason, if possible you can take her to some counselling section, but I doubt whether she will come there, she is now 62 yrs and I don't think we can change her now, maybe the first day when she reacted like this when your father was there that time you could have taken her for some counselling section, the only thing you can do is, just do what is right from your conscious side, as whatever you do she may not be happy, is she happy that she has got a grandchild?
     
  4. muthuswathi

    muthuswathi Silver IL'ite

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    As you proposed, pl take her for counselling.
     
  5. vijisivaji15

    vijisivaji15 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear seekingbless,

    Thanks for your reply. Yes u r right. I assure her always that I lover her. During weekends I spent time with her. She always tells me If I'm at home she feel relaxed and talks all her good olden memories:) But How can I be at home always :(

    She is kind of small kid only. But when coming to her " angry mood" I really get scared as she behaves like that!..
     
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  6. vijisivaji15

    vijisivaji15 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Muthuswathi,

    yes sure I will take her. If anyone can suggest me some good reliable depression counselling center @ chennai, It would be grateful for me.
     
  7. vijisivaji15

    vijisivaji15 Silver IL'ite

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    Dear nithyadavidson,

    She is happy about the grandchild - but i think she expected a grandson. Since she got granddaughter I think she is little happy. why Iam saying this because before delivery she used to say " Appavey vanthu porapparu" but since it doesnot happen, she may not proudly say this now to everyone.

    Also immediately the next day after that theft happened ie 3rd of grandchild born, She went to astrologer seeking advice about her future based on baby birth timings..

    she never told me this as well. I came to know about this from the servantmaid. I was really irritataed on this behaviour and could not concentrate more on this
    as i was busy with taking care of my sister at hospital. Weekly once she used to visit my sister home to see her and child and spent max of 20 mins there! thats it.

    sometimes we feel " me and sister " feel very lonely.
     

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