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I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support, ad

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by lalitha mansukh, Jul 11, 2014.

  1. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Really?

    to carry bad feelings in heart blackens the soul, you should not put yourself on their level by hating them and ruining your mental peace with carrying bad feelings arround with you...
    Keep in mind its your peace you disturb if you seek freedom in hatred.... peace and hate are so different they contradict and exclude each other. If you want to be happy i beliefe forgiveness is the path to follow. Be the greater person here and forgive yourself as well as them. Dont turn yur heart hard and cold..... this is likely to happen if you start to hate.

    If you mean by this that you wish to understand WHY they did it, you are right a lot of people wish to understand and the why is haunting them. The problem is for some questions are not existent answers. If it helps you to get your peace with the world and your past call them narcissistic and accept you got abused but dont try to understand into every detail why they did it. That way you get stucked into what happend and you allow them to continue the abuse even now in present and future, you wont free yourself! This enables the abusers power over the victim!

    So remember:
    Try to free yourself from hard feelings for yourself not others
    and
    Dont hunt for answers rest of your life as all those pretious moments you can use to create beautiful thoughts and memorable moments get lost
     
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  2. vsharma

    vsharma Platinum IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Hi,

    Feel bad for what had happened but dont lose your present cos of your past. Try to join some yoga classes and indulge in hobbies. theres saying in hindi "Zako rakhe saaiyan mar sake na koi, baal na banka kar sake chahe sab jag beri hoi" sso we cant blame anything on anyone. what had destined to happen will happen no matter what you do. Dont have any guilt feelings and dont ever let your husband know about your affairs as they were just mere attention / comfort seeking. Try to forgive your parents, am not saying call them and talk but atleast when they call pretend to be nice which they would feel happy. Give happiness and you would get happiness back. Life will be better, because they were bad we need not be bad. You have to bring up your son in better way and you have wonderful husband. Forget everything and lead a happy life with your family. 2 year old Son am sure will keep you on your toes and you can also indulge with him in lot of activities. Teach him new games, alphabets, etc which would keep you happy.

    Hugs
     
  3. lalitha mansukh

    lalitha mansukh New IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    You are right redruby hatred can bring only negativity. To be honest if u don't hate them for the abuse I end up excusing their behavior and then I feel maybe I deserved it. This vicious cycle for me will get broken only when I can see them as abusers that are selfish and manipulative.

    I feel.that guilt is a bigger burden for me than anger

    Inhope.someday I reach a time.when.i can just move on without hating
     
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  4. lalitha mansukh

    lalitha mansukh New IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Thanks vsharma the problem with my parents expecially mom.is nice to us only if.she gets her way in life so.if she wants to.ckme back to visit usa she makes.it hell.for me complaining about me my husband and how we treat her or how we treated her in past which made her abuse us etc
    It destroys my peace
    If.i.still don't invite her she gets unhappy. We all know that she wants to come back have fun and then fight again like she always does. She is not repentant at all.for what she has done but when she sees an opportunity where she might be able to
    Manipulate me and come.here. She becomes nice and says she regrets everything and it was all her fault. The moment I will.say.no me and my husband are.not comfortable inviting her here again she will start about how bad we are.and how.bad he is etc
     
  5. nithyadavidson

    nithyadavidson Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Hi,

    Really sorry to read your post, you have undergone many struggles in life, the problem is guilt, once i read somewhere is guilt means anger towards us, that is the reason you are not able to forgive yourself that happened 20 yrs back, just accept it, and move on with your life, your parents, brothers, are no way connected to you, so just leave them, first and foremost try to go for some counselling or get some help from someone and try to forgive yourself, remember one thing, what has to happen will happen in our life, so there is no use crying for the spill milk, if you have this guilt with you more, you won't be able to be a good mother or a good wife, thank god atleast you have a family now, a good husband and a child, just focus on your life, for all deeds they will get their rewards, why are you upset over it, you know that you don't get love from your parents and siblings, just leave it, don't expect anything, move on dear, you have suffered a lot, generally they say when we suffer a lot in our young age, we will have a wonderful life later, so first and foremost throw your guilt feeling and move on with your husband and daughter
    All the best for your new life.
     
  6. lalitha mansukh

    lalitha mansukh New IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Thank you nithya you are right about that. It's guilt I can't bear.
    Yes I can forgive myself but you know now since 2 years my relation with my parents has changed so much. Before I.wold call them daily sometimes twice and whatever they wanted me to.do. If my mom talked and complained about everyone else for hours I would listen. If she was happy I.was happy. My dad would get home late from.work.and.just to talk talk him as.well I would call again.
    If they ever said they want to.come.to.usa I would be very inviting. Although that time my brothers also.were.always inviting then when they were here.evem when they would refuse.to stay at my place to visit my city etc I.woukd rush to them. I would change 2 trains to go.meet them.
    In my first pregnancy they came for me but didnt stay with me and we're unhappy if u went to them too but still I would keep going n going

    So I was very much a pleaser for them. Now.since 2 years it's all different. They have told me me.many times.they want.to.come.but I don't invite they wantto.talk.to.my hsubsnf and.he wont talk and i dont.tell.him.to. They want to.meet.my.son or see him.on skype and I.dont care.
    I don't call them.for weeks and they sometimes.complain.

    It's just that I can't love them.anymore

    But at the same time I feel what if I.am.doing wrong by doing.all this and maybeI.was also a bad daughter who they could never love and in that case I should be still okay with them right
    This thought really kills me

    For many months after they left i disected each and every thing they did and we did when they were here for.my baby's birth
    I woukd find things to.blame myself. IndusLadies forum really helped me that time.as you can see in my previous post about.the birth.
    I was slowly getting over it feeling better got.therapy too but one fine day some trigger started and I was back tto my childhood days teenage days and realizing the things I.did wrong as.well a d then started to.feel I deserved this abuse for being a trouble child to.them.and.now whatever I.am.doing to.them.ignioring them.is unfair because I troubled them.and they troubled.me and.its become tit.for tat
     
  7. pearly86

    pearly86 New IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Hi Lalitha,
    I just read ur story I really feel for u hun!!..lots f hugs to u ..I dont think so ur doing anything wrong by ignoring them and all. and u have all the rights to look after urself..so keep doing that and now u have a baby girl so thts the best thing u can relive ur childhood with her and do and give all the love u were devoid of cuz of ur sick (m sorry)
    parents.. so donot worry hun they have all the things to lose...if still u feel guilty which m sure u would cuz ur a great child...then do all the minimum thing u can do for them like if they call u on skype go for only sometime and say u have something else to do and do not completely avoid so that u also dont feel guilty but do only the things for them which requires the least effort from ur side cuz as it is they dont deserve that also but u r an excellent daughter and can do this much for them

    btw where in Nj are u from??
     
  8. pearly86

    pearly86 New IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    if ur sad and feel sad due to any reason thats there whole sole motive dont let them win by that ..u just got to be happy cuz definitely u should and u deserve it so be happy dear and remain happy let them knw how happy u are ..m sure that will keep bothering them and let them get bothered by that cuz if they were good parent they would be happy with ur happiness so the only solution to all is be extremely happy and enjoy ur life completely ...bygones are bygones..tell them straight!!
     
  9. nithyadavidson

    nithyadavidson Bronze IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    Hi Lalitha,

    I understand, the problem is still you are trying to justify it, just leave it, move on, you are still standing 20 yrs back and thinking, that won't help you in anyway, you talking with your parents, or saying hi in skype is not the main problem, the main issue is the anger you have on you, for that you are finding the reason, just leave it ma, forgive yourself and move on, once you forgive you, other things like talking to your parents etc will not be an issue, how long can you be having that guilt, anger on you, if you want a solution, i think the only way is to forgive you and move on, that will give you inner peace and things will all fall in places, all the best dear
     
  10. aaral

    aaral Silver IL'ite

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    Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

    there are people who have positive impact on our lives and then there are some who poison everything around us. Unfortunately you know which category your parents and brothers belong. Forget them and move on with your life which is with your beautiful baby girl a miracle baby and a husband who has, is and will stand by you.:welcome
     

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