make children aware of inappropriate touch

I will be surprised, if your narrative of the incident, does not get the 'Finest Post' Award. Let us wait.

In that video, she says, she was abused for around 8 years, sexually, as a child by some one known to her family. The way a leading Bollywood actress speaks about it candidly and courageously is something worth watching.

 

I beg to differ here. We can't always assume that all the kids speak only the truth all the time. It depends.

Child protection experts say, kids will speak as per the interviewer. For instance, if you ask a 3 year old whether that uncle touched your frock, most probably she will say YES.
So, it is always better to ask them open ended questions such as what happened?

 

Okay, SGBV !

 

A very good thread and annu wonderful job and good of you to share the experience here and great that the neighbour was equally understanding and not in denial mode that shows awareness has increased.

And i seriously wonder how come a school can lock a child for bad behaviour, and i was shaking in rage when i read the teacher saw the child bleeding understood, called the doctor administered a injection and kept quiet..where has humanity gone. sometimes these type of incidents bring to light my deep rising angst "are we women our worst enemies". Even animals take care of each other better..

and the next thing that worried me, was the stigma that we still hold. the parents not talking about it for so many days until a social worker from a ngo came into the picture. the stigma of the so much publicity, the loss of privacy, the loss of peace and loss of innocence with repeated narration and hearing of the same incident rather than the actual incident..

It is difficult to teach a 1 year or two year old kid but being more careful, and micro analysing a change of pattern or cry is the cue we need to develop as parents. nothing more can help when the child cannot express much.

At 3 and 4 i think tulir and dr.seuss series have books that teach about your body. there is no harm in teaching the child this is a vagina or penis and though it is considered taboo it is not, infact teaching them the exact words is a better approach. Teaching them the parts of the body and also making them understand that some parts of their body is very private and nobody should touch it other than the mother/father as the case be.
teaching them to be assertive and confident is a way forward.Teaching your kids to be assertive at the NO when they mean it and also to understand to respect the other person's NO. a more respectful of feelings and issues generation will grow to be more healthy is my opinion. both boys and girls need to understand and respect the privacy and feelings. it is no more a girl thing.

Teach your girl, to trust her instinct. we women have that instinct by nature. it can be honed to help them. sometimes we elders make fun of the way our kids behave. a fun loving kid, does not want to mingle during the presence of certain people is a red flag. you need to keep watch and not force the child for not speaking to them.

most of the times, the offender is a person in the known circle. just because it is your close friend or relative and you don't want to think bad, does not mean you need not be vigilant. in today's world we are forced to doubt our own shadows.

coming to the school and kids ..always go in pairs or threes. and if you have to go to the restroom alone due to an emergency keep your friend informed.

in places where you cannot scream or you find that you cannot raise your voice due to fear..teach them to use the elbow..hitting the jaw..is the best move..it gives you a window to run..run to the place that has more people around and asking for help is not wrong. it is not wrong to state that this man was trying to misbehave. infact teaching our children not to hide, and being able to communicate to us is the most important thing.

the next place is the groin. there is nothing wrong in hurting the attacker on the groin and would be easily accessible to a short one too.

my daughter has been asking me if she can take a small pack of chilly powder. pepper cans are a lot of red tape. i am sure a pack of pepper powder, chilly powder or spray of deodorant is not under the scanner I think.

yes, listen to your child. ask about the day, ask the child to talk. and please make it a point to encourage .Listening between the lines. sometimes,the signals are all there. a fight, an issue that upset can be heard in the voice modulation and body language of our child. only we need to be more attentive and never say later when our child wants to talk. The procrastination will reduce the importance to the talk and the child may forget in its play. Repeated procrastination or not willing to listen will lead the child to believe that the parent is not interested. Invest time, allocate a time to talk/hear your child. Somedays it would be a very silly thing, but the time invested today is very much needed for a strong bonding and foundation of trust and that the parent is always there for her/him.

Empowering our children to say NO to abuse physical/emotional. Making it so much more comfortable to come and talk to you without the fear of judgement or shouting or punishment is the way forward. Making it known to your child that you are available to her when she wants to talk.

Coming to parents and schools:
Even the domestic servant we employ has been asked to produce references, and also undergo police verification. Then why are teachers, instructors who are with the children in one form or other not screened. A discreet screening of the gym instructor in the above case would have definitely shown that he was a pedophile. We look at the school, the infrastructures and the teachers. We never look into the fine prints that are there yet not visible that form loopholes for the schools to escape. They take kids on excursion but the parent has to sign a form that they will not hold the school responsible.so many issues, that look very small, but can roll and gather momentum into huge holes only when there are incidents like this or when the bus floor crashes due no periodic checks.

Parents of any school are a strong force. But in todays world, we do not mingle with other parents because of the over competitiveness and other issues. How many of us know atleast 25% of the children in the class. (I say 25% because in a class with strength of 40-70 it is very difficult for us to remember all of them with the yearly shuffle.)

Parent teachers’ meetings- a parent comes, meets the teacher, talks to her about her ward's performance and behavior and leaves. Never realizes that this is the time, she can make some time to meet at least few other parents, find out what is happening in school and how they can go as a team and work for the betterment of their children. Many parents refuse to do anything even if they know the school/teacher is at fault. The fear of being marked and harassed. The 40% internal cce that has come into the hands of teachers in many cbse schools does add more fuel to this stigma.

High time the boards and hrd ministry, see to that there is a strong parent association in all schools. The government cannot do much. The single parent cannot do much, but a strong association of likeminded parents are a force to reckon and need to be vigilant all the time and show their presence not just to sign petitions or march but for the welfare of the children throughout the year.

 

Hi All:
Thanks all.

Annu: Yes, even i was telling the same. That all bad uncles will be punished. if you say correctly Dad will kick him and ur teacher also.

SGBV: Exactly. Whatever i ask she tell Yes. Is asked school or van? She donno to reply... if asked school?- Yes, if asked Van?..yes. If i ask open ended she donno to tell anything.

Me and her dad was discussing what to do. He was telling she may be telling stories. I told she is being little more in detail. As she told another uncle in blue dress.... so it is like not daily coming attender. Sometimes there is more than one boy. And recently tht additional guy was in blue dress . Even I could remember as it was so bright blue shirt and blue jeans.

This morning we both went to send her off. That guy didnt come. I asked her showing regularly coming guy. She told no. So to some extent she is true. Definitely he would have touched her. But how dangerous..whether it was casual or bad touch.. is a question now.

So my husband told driver who is an old person... please take a note that attenders don't sit next to kids unnecessarily. He told they don't. But my husband told ..she is telling someone sat next to her touching here and there.

In afternoon, driver told he told this to madam. She told it might be kids in school. Though it is not acceptable...atleast message would have gone to teacher. So driver who is a old aged person (hoping he is good) is also alerted.

I would ask my husband again to tell driver tomorrow.. keep an eye on that attender who is not regular.
I told let us not go as complaint. But we can tell principal who is responsible so she will be alerted. Driver or class teacher do not have any authority or may be negligent.

Because as we still not clear and she has no physical issue/ evidence..no behaviour change, we cannot make it as big issue as of now with insufficient evidence. My husband's point is incase, there was no such incident and if this person is affected by firing/warning in front of others....he might harm my kid. He told she is telling me (i.e.my husband) also... he told i promise and u know i even never helped her to go to washroom. So how can we react big now.


My husband told, we can again ask drive and teacher. But not to go to principal now. At least driver is alerted, he would defintely tell this to other drivers and this attender will tell to other attenders as this topic is now hot because of other incident is till in news. So, if at all that person has even attempted... he wud get alerted..even small touch kids are telling to parents.

I have to be more vigilant. God!! I hope this is only kids story.

Am i asking too many times . Am I being over detailed to her in asking questions which is making her to create own stories.

As told as she is very social never had any issue to mingle with strangers... i told her all are bad uncles out there in road. I know it is embarrassing sometimes she tells on road... this is bad uncle that is bad uncle. My mom told , she will get scared of everyone..i told that is better ..she will learn who is safe when she is big. But now she shud not trust anyone. I don't know whether she will understand difference between good and bad...

Man... what all issues we have these days. Our parents or we never had this issue in sending us to school. It was all about outsiders - in road - might harm children for gold. Now anyone and everyone are looking like suspicious.

 

aamini,

sensitive issue added to your own paranoia. please do not keep questioning her if she was touched, if somebody touched her there x times..you know sometimes, kids tend to understand and act according to your tone.

how about showing her that video cartoon that was shown.

instead of talking to the driver (old or not) who may or maynot be very good talk to the school admin. tell them that you are not comfortable with new people. have they been screened. and we would like a lady co-attender in the van. i see a lot of lady attenders who come along with the drivers in chennai these days.

talk to other parents if you have any contact. broach the subject of if they are comfortable with new male assistants or the inconsistency in the assistants coming in the bus. you can tell them that with these news we need to be watchful.

 

times now and arnab make me sick. please take this panel with a pinch of salt. they are not bothered about issues or people..only TRP..and nothing more..

the need of the moment, is anonymity to the abused yet visibility to the case, not sure if it is every going to be possible with this circus called media.

 

I cant even imagine the trauma you would be going through to keep watch on the child in bus and school. But there seems no solution to these animal attacks. Though we teach them safety and try to be with them always but still there are situations which we cant help.
Myself being a lady and a mother of a small girl, really feel that these animals should get very severe punishments. Unless they are punished these type of people will not learn a lesson. There are many innocent children around us it is not a matter of few. Sex education even if parents start at home, there are many small girls who may not get these facilities.. What is the safety to them?? Many girls may keep quite due to various fear,
It is high time we raise our voices, and make sure that the culprits does not deserve a punishment lesser than being hanged. According to me, they don't deserve to live anymore...