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make children aware of inappropriate touch

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by annu78, Jul 18, 2014.

  1. jigisha321

    jigisha321 Gold IL'ite

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    Excellent and very relevant post OP...rather than worrying about what may happen to our daughters we have to think of ways on how to keep them safe...Amir Khan's Satyamev was such an excellent eye-opener...child abuse is creeping up at every corner like some silent terrorist and gnawing at our peace of mind...earlier such stories were only read at newspapers..now alarmingly we can find such cases near our close circles...i remember one thing my late mother used to say : " A girl is not safe ANYWHERE. If I am not at home do not open the door even if GOD comes and knocks at your door"...I do not mean to hurt any religious sentiments here , but with kids, especially daughters, you can trust NO ONE...
     
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  2. annu78

    annu78 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear All,

    Thanks for your replies. I am very happy that i have struck a chord with mothers regarding this sensitive issue. Let us all pledge to place our children security above all....
     
  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Folks,

    I think I've mentioned this in another post. Here are something I have followed with my dd. From the time she was 18 months old and started getting curious about body parts' names, I went a step further than just telling her the name. That was the time she was getting into the "it's mine!" phase.

    i told her that her body was "all hers"; no one else is allowed to touch her with your her permission. Especially her girl bits, bottom and her chest. Also that it is rude to show her body to other people. Only mum and dad are allowed to touch her - with her permission - and that too only to clean her or give her a massage. If anyone else tried to touch her without permission, she should scream "no" "stop" etc. and immediately come to mum or dad. I repeated it several times as she would ask me questions every time I changed her. She was fascinated that she had some powers and would regularly practice the emergency screaming with me.

    A few times when her nappy had to be changed she would declare that i don't have her permission; only her dad has the permission to change her then. Suited me fine!

    We had an incident within a couple of months of this, which I have written about in another thread; though at that point she didn't scream, she gave me an uncomfortable look and I was able to swoop in and take her out of the situation. I also reinforced to her that she could feel free to scream if someone is making her uncomfortable. So, it is extremely important to have an eye on your child and see any changes to her body language. Appreciate her for giving you the signal and reinforce that she could count on you for support.

    Once I started potty training her at 2 and quarter, I told her that it was an extremely personal time for her and no one else is allowed to come in then. Taught her what privacy meant. So, when she was on the pot, i used to wait outside. If we are in a public place, I explained to her I couldn't leave her alone but I would turn away to give her privacy. Stretched the concept of privacy for bathing and changing clothes too. Her cousin by mistake opened the door (and shut it imme) while she was in the toilet and the first thing she did was scream "no!" and then screamed out for me and complained that her cousin took a peek when she was on the toilet. She would complain loudly and instantly about grandparents not knocking/ giving her privacy as when they were visiting us, they were curious to see how she cleaned, dressed, flushed and washed her hands all by herself. I would tell them off in front of her and she would be happy.

    She complained that someone touched her bottom in preschool. While I was alarmed, I calmly asked her for the context and she explained they were on top of the slide and the other kid touched her bottom so she'd hurry up. I again appreciated her to telling me about it and explained that she could deal with it herself by simply saying "please don't touch my bottom", loudly and clearly. If the child wouldn't listen to her, I assured her that I'd have a word with the teachers if need be. It didn't come to that.

    Similarly regarding strangers, the term is quite confusing for them, yes. I'm teaching her to take the cue from me. I introduce new people to her as I would do town adult - "this is Paula, our new neighbour from America" and at that point she is expected to be social and say hello. I explain to her after she accuses me of chatting with strangers in the queue or public transport that I'm just being social but am not touching them or letting them touch me or give them information about myself or take anything from them.

    She seems to be getting the concept though we have awkward moments when she will loudly say, "This stranger is asking for my name, mummy" But, that's fine.
     
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  4. neetugtb

    neetugtb Silver IL'ite

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    Good work Guesshoo:thumbsup Hope other mothers also get inspired from your experiences and share a relation of confidence with their kids.
     
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  5. hridhaya

    hridhaya Gold IL'ite

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    GH,

    I admire your patience and consistency...Awesome job.
     
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  6. annu78

    annu78 Gold IL'ite

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    Nice video ammu.. And also very easy to understand for kids. Thanks for sharing
     
  7. Sai3A21

    Sai3A21 Platinum IL'ite

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  8. aamini

    aamini Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All:
    I logged in to IL specific for this topic.

    I am a mother of 3 yr old girl. I am generally over disturbed by rape news if any. I remember when i was pregnant only , that guruvayur train incident where a 23 yr old was raped and killed by a chain snatcher. It affected me so much. I cried for her every single day for atleast 3 months. For me, it is like 23 yrs...her parents might have suffered to any extent to bring her up, how many dreams they might have got about her... how much this girl would have suffered, fought battle in every exams and interviews to succeed in life... it all just ended for few minutes pleasure of some bastard??? This incident affected me so much than tsunami in japan. People were not allowing me to see tsunami scenes as i was pregnant but definitely i was little sad about it but so much disturbed about this rape case.

    Ok.. coming to point. So as i got girl baby and hearing child abuse news even before she was 6 months ..Im so scared. I was so worried how can i protect my daughter from these vultures around? Whenever i pray god, this will be surely there. Protect her from evils living around.

    Even my husband told me about Amir's programme and I started telling her when she was 2. I tell her only amma and her nanny can touch her private parts that to for cleaning when she goes to toilet and me when bathing. No one else can touch. She should shout and come and tell amma or dad. One who touches there is bad uncle. So dad will fight him. I also told h er not to go with anyone except her dad and her grandfather. I told her everyone is bad uncle on roads. When she was young within 2.5 yrs old.. when i ask she used to tell dad touched. I know he rarely at home hardly 2 hrs and never alone with her. Rarely he takes her for short walk when i have meetings or so. I told him..and we asked her casually to her smiling ... she also laughed and went. From then when i am asking she sometimes tells my nanny...when was cleaning her.

    These days (even 3 months before sending to school) she don't even allows me to touch her genitals for cleaning also. So i also didn't force her. I told its good..u only do. But I ask her to open up and sit ...so i use faucet to splash water to remove any dirt. Sometimes she tells paining because nanny didn't cut nail..and it hurted when she cleaned her after she goes to toilet.

    As she is very social. From childhood she never had any issue to go with anyone. she mingles easily with strangers. And she likes to be with new people. That makes me still nervous.

    And now I am sending her to school in a school van. I am working from home and have nanny to take of her full time. But still i make a point i only go to send her off in van and to bring her back. Just to make sure I know her routine... who is coming in van. And now this bangalore case...that too in school hours? in school ? that too such a big school like vibgyor.

    I simply went to school today. it has been 2 months i joined her. She took 5 days leaves, i never told school except for driver and they also didnt ask me. I was asking her teacher, is it not a good practice if you dont get information from parent you to call and check is she on leave. You are getting only information from cab driver/attender. She was over reacted, no way of missing... no case that this. I told yes it is good but we should be precautious. She told toddlers will take off very often as they get sick often. If it is one kid ok... 5-10 kids might be on leave. how can we call everybody daily... I dont know whether I'm over concious or they are taking it cool. My concern is neighbourhood of her school is all eucalyptus forest type.

    While coming from school, i casually asked my daughter have she ever been to this forest area. she told no. I dont know, i am asking too many times to her. I keep asking her did anyone touches you here there. Did van uncle comes and sits next to u. Does he sits only in van or he comes and talk in school. Today she told yes he touched...where she urinates. She told other uncle...when I was wearing red dress... i asked her whether he lifted dress...left hand inside underwear... then she started playing..she told yes for everything... She looks very normal. not like disturbed. Playing nicely.

    I checked her genitals. it looks normal too. I asked casually , but as she told yes...i started asking too much i think. I messaged my husband and waiting for his call .Then she told my nanny also like a story...in road all bad uncle... they will touch u here ther..and that van uncle also touched me. She was also shocked. I told i was asking her many times so she also telling like story. She is an old lady... waiting for stories. she even talks about news/ cine stars divorce case as though it is happening in front of u and analyse why she left him everything. I dodnt want her to make stories and call our relatives and tell. So i just told her i was telling her...like this this ...u shud tell. so only she is telling.

    I am so confused now.How to react? is she playing and making stories... or real. FYI.. she has a capability to create her own stories with bits and pieces of information i give her.

    Waiting so badly for my husband to come.

    Ladies please advice me... how to ask kids? and how to react for this?
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2014
  9. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi annu78,

    About some time back I started a thread on the same subject :

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...253130-child-sexual-abuse-awareness-only.html

    In that thread, I had given the video link of Kalki Kochlein (Bollywood actress ) gave a vivid account of how she , as a child was abused by a known person.

    So many viewed it, no one cared to drop in to pass any comments on it. Only the Form Moderator had stepped in to say a few words on it.

    This time, it is good that so many people are participating in it. 'Awareness is the only way to prevent it'.

    Teaching the concept of bad touch is necessary not only to daughters but also to very young boys . Male kids also suffer sexual abuse , silently , at the hands of known persons.

    Your thread and the subject are so relevant and important, that I am nominating the first post of this thread for 'Finest Post' of the month competition !
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2014
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  10. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry about the trauma the little one has to go through. It is high time we should introduce something called "education on sex abuse" than "sex education" at schools!! The recent happenings have made it the need of the hour!!

    Lets us teach the kids on

    1. Appropriate touch and inappropriate touch

    2. Good secrets and bad secrets - Bad secrets ad the ones which the kids keep to themselves fearing the perverts.

    3. It is our duty to ensure the child that nothing would happen if you disclose everything to mom or dad.

    I am worried for the kids and their safety. I could not imagine the trauma the kid goes through! How could somebody do such a thing! These kind of crimes should be severely punished!

    No matter how many woman ministers we have, still we doubt if these issues have been taken seriously by the government! Ultimately it is we and our kids that lose peace than running from pillar to post in establishing our innocence!

    Sorry for the vent, but could not help it!
     
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