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How many alliances did you rejct before selecting your life partner??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by VaniVyas, Jul 13, 2014.

  1. HasteRaho

    HasteRaho Platinum IL'ite

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    Just goes to show that when things are meant to be :) They're meant to be. Glad your DH and you found your way to each other despite your bitter uncle.
     
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  2. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

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    I had a complicated horoscope. Though I do not believe in that a bit, my parents were so stubborn to get me married after checking the squares. So only a few pass that horoscope gate, say 3/10.

    Man 1: I am a shorter woman(150 cms), and the guy was 186 cms. The difference seemed so much to me and that I conveyed my parents to convey their parents that the height would not match.

    Man 2: His mom called and I happened to pick the phone. She said they would come home. I felt I was being looked at like a commodity. To add to the fire, she said "oh you are very short. My son may not give a positive answer, expecting my parents to ask her to convince her son. I gave a sharp reply "It is up to the person. Now that you have told me he is tall(The guy was 165 cms), I am now thinking if I should give a positive answer"!

    Man 3: He had a good business. But I have wanted to marry an IT professional as that would fit my lifestyle.

    Man 4: This was almost finalized. The guy called me up and constantly said - after wedding - change your hairstyle, i think you should apply lipstick with X color, You should think twice before wearing jeans. I was thrown off the guard! What! I said I know of a similar girl who dresses like this, probably you should approach her. Though I felt bad for my parents, I was stubborn and stopped this.

    Man 5: I was the one to give a request through Matrimony portal. He immediately responded. He said he wanted to talk or if I am not fine, we can chat. I opted for chat. We did chat for two months. I did find him genuine. Not an indecent word and he paid attention to what I said. I found this man said all his negatives first. He said relationship should be transparent.

    I never found him like someone who tries to impress girls. But there was a subtle warmth in his words. He is a responsible guy and I wanted one. Because I am one such messing kind. Then I told him the horoscope match from our side, it worked. But when his mom checked it was totally incompatible. I went to temple and prayed GOD, if it is him, it should match. It was then I realized, I was mad in love :) But another astrologer said it matches and its perfect.

    He then spoke to his mom, my mom and dad. Then he got permission to skype with me from my dad. My dad was happy that at least I dont come up with my usual "feminine dominant crap" as he calls it! DH confirmed to his mom, this is the girl. MIL and my DH's uncle' family came for a formal visit. Things got finalized.

    Whenever my mother takes me to temple and ask me to do offerings, I would pray GOD, please no marriage until I ask you for. Sounds silly, but that was how I was. I asked GOD for the first time and he gave me the best one! After two years of long distance courtship we are married and happily living everafter :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2014
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  3. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Nice stories... :)

    my husband I guess is technically the first guy I met and married!

    #1 - This guy was my first serious crush and what I thought was 'love'! I was just out of college, I don't even remember now what exactly it was that I thought was great about him, except that I remember being very proud of the fact that he was an IIT/IIM guy, and he had proposed to me!!! He was going to the US for a PhD program and wanted to introduce me to his parents and I freaked out... because I had an older sister my parents were trying very hard to convince for marriage, and they would probably have had a heart attack if I had gone an introduced a boy friend to them, and a boy friend whose parents knew about me!!! So that's how that ended :-(

    #2 - During Masters, in another city. I have no first hand information of this one, but apparently this guy really liked me and had hinted to me several times! I never got it. He chose to profess his undying love for me to his roommates rather than to me directly, so I never got the message. When our friends used to tell me, I thought they were just teasing!

    #2A - Also during my Masters... this guy who was my sister's colleague, but closer to me in age. He was like forbidden fruit... I knew that I could never marry him or make a life with him because he belonged to a completely different community than me, and that a person belong to a similar socio-cultural background as me was extremely important to me! But we shared so many similar interests, we would spend hours on the phone chatting. I guess what made it even more exciting was I knew I was not his type at all. He wanted to always marry someone that was more intellectually stimulating I guess - the journalist/economist/activist types!! I guess we were both teetering very close to the line that separates friendship and beyond that, and consciously chose to remain on this side of the line!

    #3 and final- my husband! By the time I met my husband, I was more grounded and more sure of what I wanted from life. We're both quite practical, not taken to too much mush or romance. We're both as normal as they come. He proposed to me, I accepted, but both of us were very guarded on getting too emotionally invested in each other because we were absolutely certain that we wouldn't go ahead if there was the slightest objection from either of our parents. There would have been no reason for our parents to object either, because if it had been an arranged marriage, we might have as well been the guy or girl they would have chosen for each other! Of course, the moms were a little shocked at having taken away the "privilege" of bride-hunting/groom-hunting... but ultimately reconciled! My parents were a little taken aback because they were not planning my marriage for another year at least!

    So that's my story! :)
     
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  4. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    hASTE RAHO , kALPANA , PEAR TREE & MALINI HARI....

    LOVED READING YOUR POSTS...
     
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  5. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Nice thread vini. Nostalgic huuhh!!! Very nice to hear our fellow ILites alliances and their justification for acceptance or rejection. For me, my marriage was fixed when I was about to cross my teens and got married after 6 years from then. He is my dad's sister's son. In telugu we call it as "Menarikam". That time, I had no clue whether to accept or reject, but it was fixed just between parents. We were not so serious on this and able to concentrate on education and careers. By the time it was fixed, I was in mid of graduation with no clarity on life/marriage. By the time I got married I completed my post graudation and I was working in a top organization with lot of clarity in mind and belief in my heart. I had no reason to reject him. We are married for close to 9 years and have a 6 years old son.
     
  6. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Interesting.... I thought marrying within relatives (either the mom's brother's child or the dad's sister's child) was only practiced among people from Tamil Nadu. Sometimes, I have even seen girls marry their uncle (mother's brother) in some communities!

    I did not know this was practiced in Andhra also!
     
  7. HasteRaho

    HasteRaho Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you for starting such a great thread, Vani!
    :2thumbsup:
     
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  8. Sharmilalat

    Sharmilalat Senior IL'ite

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    Mine is a love marriage.
    I was having a crush on a guy and he jfwas interested in me too. But I realized I was not being myself & trying to please him. I have always been a little tomboyish & not the ladylike type, but after meeting my crush, I watch what I wear, how I eat etc. It was too stressful for me so i came to my senses and decided he is not my match.
    My hubby was (and is still) my good friend. I was even trying to matchmake him with another friend. But I think we were destined to be together. I have always been my goofy self with him coz I didnt have any romantic feelings for him at the time and didn't bother to watch my behavior around him. Could you imagine a girl taking leftover food from the guy's plate and eating it and lecturing him not to waste food on a first date! Well I did all that. Nevertheless, he continued to woo me subtlely as he knew of my crush. We had a lot of things in common. And finally I said yes to him when he proposed after years of knowing each other as I felt he is my soulmate.
     
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  9. pantu

    pantu Gold IL'ite

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    Horoscope matching was a big problem for me to get a husband. Without horoscope my parents never agreed to any match. Another problem was all the candidates were too far away from our state. I am from odisha . They all were oriya but were working outside . After about 20 candidates my parents agreed to one and that is my hubby.

    After my marriage I went to Dehradun where he was working in ONGC. But my luck is this now I am staying in USA. I married at a young age. But after 2 decades of marriage I am glad my influences has changed him a bit . He says I am his soul mate but sometimes I wonder given chances whether I will choose him or not for eternity . May be' yes 'I don't know.
     
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  10. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

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    I forgot my love proposals too:

    Man 1: Proposed me. He gave hint that he loves me to my whole team except me. There is two of my guy friends whom I hang out with. We are from same college and got placed in the same IT major and got into the same project as well. The guy has told both my friends that he loves me like hell! My friend told me this and I was a fool. I stopped talking to this guy thinking that he would stop stalking. He wrote a big blog in the network and everybody came to know about his divine love! I was embarrassed! This is not the way to propose a girl! I did turn down his advances. He wrote me a big email about how much he loves me and stuff. I said this wont work friend. I am not interested and I cannot consider you. I had a guilt of hurting someone. However, when he left the job he had told my friends that we were in love and that I was waiting for him! :( Some people though I cheated on him when I invited everyone for my wedding!! I confessed to my DH on this - his reaction - "He did not miss much"!! :eek:mg:

    Man 2: I proposed him .He was a macho guy. I was attracted. HE is an atheist. Some liberal values. Some bull crap in the name of liberal values. I was so attracted that I went and proposed him! HE said he did not want a tom boyish girl! doh1 I felt so bad that I had been put to shame! However, now when I think of it, I laugh out loud. When I told this to my hubby he said - I could have been spared! :bang

    Man 3: He is a IIT/IIM/MIT guy. We met in a wedding. HE was interested in me and thus wanted to date me. I was not sure if that was a time pass because he was highly learned and of great knowledge. The topics he spoke were like whaatsmileyto me! My parents were interested too. HE said I was charming and blah blah.. But I had to tell him that I would not fit him because I wanted a cool person not a Sheldon Cooper! Once I turned it down, parents were unhappy, cousins were angry, but I was like :banana.

    Thanks for this lovely thread! Nostalgic!
     
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