need help

Hi Manju,

I was surprised to see your thread as I am also sailing in the same boat as you do. These are the problems with perfectionists. Both my hubby and MIL are very finicky about even the smallest things and since Iam new to their way of life, they keep pin pointing at me for even the silliest mistakes which under usual circumstances I used to normally take easy and laugh over. This gets me mad Witsendmost of the times and I feel I should not change myself adamantly.

The best way to get over such people's attitude is to sit with them and talk to them, explaining that we are not small kids and we don't need spoonfeeding at all times. If that does not work out, the only way we can stay happy is to hear whatever they say in one ear and let it out in another ear, without taking anything too much to heart.

Whatever might be the circumstance, don't make yourself gloomy and depressed but learn to smile and stay happy. Thats the solution for most problems.

Good luck for happy times ahead,
Shaa.

 

Hello Manjur,

It's good that your husband is helping you. that's plus point. I am not sure and i am guessing that you moved with him from india or other cities in US, maybe that's not true but anyways you mentioned in your thread that " but i am the one who makes some silly mistakes laugh about it" well you know that you do things that you think is a silly mistakes and this might make your husband feel imbrassed.. and maybe his style of living is different than yours and he expect you to be at that level.... so listen and make decision if the advice so good? necessary? if you feel that he's over doing it than talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. talk about anything that bother you it's the best way to resolve any situation. i have couple of them and i am currently working on them. so good luck and take care of yourself.

 

Hi Manju ,

I know it could be quite irritating wen anyone for that matter keeps nagging about how you need to behave or what you need to do that too in public.. leave it alone husband !! At some instances I used to get some guestures as such from my hubby pie too.. Let me tel you how I handled it.. He used to make this weird sound wen I use to not know how to get the blinds up or down and wen the spoon falls down in the kitchen.. its a kind of sound which we all of us do smacking our lips together.. But !! It used to irritate me !! I took it for sometime bt very soon started snapping at him immdtly and used to say " that is an irritating sound u make " and used to say it really loud !! ;-) . or I used to jus leave the work which he found I was wrong at and tel him to take over immdtly.. Slowly he realised he had to do too many things on his own if he keeps " correcting " me on everything !! :rotflBut then he is a real darling and does it even now bt jus to see my irritated face !! Never corrects me..
Do something nice and imdtly stop and ask him to find a fault as he usually does !!

Tell him ou have lived a life all this while and have lead it in style you defintly dont need a husband to correct you ALL THE TIME !! But for what you feel was really silly mayb you shud quickly say a sorry and correct it... Atleast my husband feels very upset when I ask him a sorry for silly things.. he feels sorry is a too long word to be used for silly things.. Chillout!

Or calling him DADDY would also help !!! ;-) ;-)

 

one example blinds when i open and close he say don't move fast , close completely even no small gap should be left . i feel this is a silly thing for him to raise voice everyday . i don't know maybe this is a big deal for him


What you need to do is ask him to show it to u a couple of times or ask him to do it urself as you arent getting it right no matter what !! Daddy can always help !!!! Bow

 

Hi Manju,

Your irritation about constantly being corrected is understandable.

Of course, the first step would be to talk to him and tell him that while you would love to improve on things, constantly being corrected waters down the value of his statements. No adult likes to be corrected all the time. Some things are ok even if they are not done perfectly.

Even after this talk, if he continues to correct you all the time then here are a few things I'd suggest you can do.

Drpreethis has a great suggestion about getting "Daddy" to help. Or better still, let Daddy do it himself and demonstrate the right way to you! This will definitely help a lot. Don't show your irritation when you say this to him. Just ask him happily to demonstrate it to you.

A few other things you can do are –

1. When he corrects you and you seem to get irritated, just stop doing what you are doing and leave the room. Not angrily but as if you have something else to take care of.
2. If you are doing something that you do not particularly like or care for, but you have to do it as a duty, change guards. Tell him nicely that you have tried his way many times but you inherently tend to do it your way. So why not he do it. And then stop doing that thing for good. Let him be responsible for it. If he does not do it, it does not get done. None of this should be a fight.
3. When you and he are in the same room and you know he will try to correct you for something you are doing, play some loud music in the room or hum something aloud. When he is tempted to comment he will first have to break through the music, which he may feel lazy to do. And even if he does, you can always pretend that you did not hear it because of the music until he screams at the top of his voice!
4. If he is making a remark in front of someone else, just cut the topic nicely and divert it elsewhere, without showing that you are upset. If this is not an option, leave the room hurriedly saying you have to take care of so and so.

I am suggesting these because sometimes there are things that irritate us and no matter how much anyone tries to rationalize them, we keep getting irritated about them. And if the other person does not correct these things then we either hold it against them and one day explode about them to him or we spoil our mental peace getting frustrated that we have to tolerate it. So rather than getting into any of these two corners, you can deal with it yourself without really expecting any direct change from his side.

I am confident that once he sees you getting less impacted by his corrections and once he realizes that some of the things are becoming his responsibility because he knows "better", he will keep a check on this correcting habit! J

Good luck.
SS