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Anyone in my situation? Help please

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by needpeace, Jun 20, 2014.

  1. lathadivakar

    lathadivakar Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear needpeace,

    I saw many couples in our relatives like u people (wife well educated husband not). In their cases situation was reverse. With the complex of wife well educated than him, they used to dominate in every situation and became more egoistic. With this behavior their lives became hell. You know, they are not allowed to do job also because of this they don’t have enough financial independence. So many times they think about terminating relationship but circumstances not allowed to do that.

    In your case you’re very lucky. Please don’t create complex in your husband. You’re thinking how I will go and meet my friends along with him, if he thinks how I can meet my friends and other relatives with my wife.

    I hope you can catch what I am saying

    Good luck
     
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  2. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Like others telling you are lucky, yes. Try to join him in some spoken english classes probably situation will improve. Dont ever criticize because it will demotivate the enthusiasm. Though you are unable to socialize your husband with your friends probably you can help him out by advicing him to watch english channels,english news papers etc and cultivate hobby of reading english and verify dictionary to know meanings. Imagine if you were in his situation how your hubby would have cared you and dealt with your problem.
    I hope language can't be a barrier for love and affection. Look at the brighter side of your married life instead of silly reasons.
     
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  3. Kita

    Kita Senior IL'ite

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    Look toward his positive points ...friends are not 24 hrs with you...it's your husband who will support you through thick and think days...... As a person one should know how to respect women and I think your husband is doing great job...
    only because he cannot speak English you are ashamed of then my dear think of those women who had well educated husband but they don't respect women.....

    kita
     
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  4. cutyshanthi

    cutyshanthi New IL'ite

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    First thank God that you have such a wonderful husband.

    Think this way your husband is God's creation if you criticize him you are criticizing God.

    You have mentioned he is humorous, well mannered, loves you above all "perfect gentleman".

    Now, think this way if he has studied in a reputed college, speaks American english work in top MNC but is rude, never loves you, criticizes, drinks smokes will you be ever happy?
     
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  5. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

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    English is a language and not all in life. You are bestowed with a very good gentlemen as your husband, a little problem is viewed with a magnifying lens by you. Take this as your challenge, if you can't make him proficient in English with your dual degrees then you never deserve two degrees. You must put in efforts as he is best in all, you see a dot so its your responsibility to remove the dot. Why do you get frustrated, when you don't have patience to teach him how can you teach a baby. See try all funny ways to teach him, don't be a strict tutor instead add your love and affection to it, reward him in simple means each day and appreciate him as it would motivate him to learn it quickly. Never complain find ways to solve it.
     
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  6. OrangeJuice

    OrangeJuice Bronze IL'ite

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    100% agree with you sweetshreya.Very well said.

     
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  7. darmesh

    darmesh Platinum IL'ite

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    English is a language only. It is not knowledge. If you respect some one by their command in English, then, sorry, you are wrong !
     
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  8. somehurt

    somehurt New IL'ite

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    Is this a problem?

    I will not suggest training him in English speaking because he is not your pet to train. You should have thought about these before you got married. Express your confidence in your husband for what he is. He loves you unconditionally without looking for faults in you. Would a wife respect a husband who says he is ashamed of hanging out with her (or introducing her to his friends) because she is overweight?
     
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  9. kriztina

    kriztina Bronze IL'ite

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    I think OP is shallow in this aspect of her life. Her husband can talk I suppose, it's not that he is deaf and dumb here..With due to respect to all deaf and dumb people throughout the world.He has good social skills in his language of origin and couple of other languages. Why do we speak or communicate in English, it's basically because we are service providers for an English speaking nation. So I assume you are one among-st us. Your DH is an entrepreneur who has worked hard to build his life with or without a college degree why should it matter to you. Your social circle of friends must also be from service oriented career who may or not think life beyond sophistication and tall talks. You retrospect your life and see What made you develop a complex , any childhood events or the upbringing without your parents knowledge which made such an influence that you value people based on their English command. This is pathetic situation. I really respect your DH for being a gentlemen in spite of your inferiority/superiority complex. Get over it. You do sound like a well read person, so I guess you will know people being a college dropout and making a mark with their extra ordinary contribution. Nobody in your social circle or their spouses know the language that you guys speak is it.
     
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  10. HeartHealer

    HeartHealer Guest

    Hi needpeace,

    Are you trying to say, speaking English is such a mandate thing nowadays that you probably find yourself and especially your husband "backward" just because he is not able to pronounce few words properly or not able to form a complete sentence ?

    Okay, in that case, let me answer your query in all together different way. Will try to make you understand in a better way...


    Agar aapke pati angrezi nahi bol paate hain achche se toh iss mein koi galat baat nahi hai. Aap Hindustan ki rehne wali hi hain aur humari maatrr basha Hindi hi hai. Samjhne ki zarurat humme hai ki agar koi hindi mein aapse baat karta hai toh iska matlab yeh bilkul bhi nahi hai ki woh shakks humse kisi bhi tareeke se kamm hai ya humara audaa uss insaan se badaa hai.

    Jaise aapne oopar likha hai ki aapke pati ek mazakiya misaaj ki shakksiyat hain aur woh jahan bhi jaate hain ek hasi -khushi ka maahol banate hain, mere hisab se unki yeh kaabiliyat unko humse aur dusron se alag karti hai.

    Har insaan ki kuch majbooriyan rehti hain jo usse kuch paane se ya haasil karne se usse rokti hain. Aapke pati ki bhi kuch majbooriyan zarur rahi hongi jo woh padhayi poori nahi kar sake. Inn sab mushkilon ke bawajood bhi aaj woh ek jaane-maane uddyogpati ( business-man ) hain aur is baat se toh aap bhi sehmat hongi ki apne pariwaar ko chalane mein unka bhi yogdaan hai.

    Samjhne ki baat sirf itni si hai ki hum kisi insaan ko uski khoobiyon ki wajah se apnate hain ya uski kamiyon ki wajah se usse dooriyan banate hain.

    aaj aapke paas ooparwale ki meherbaaniyon ki wajah se woh sab kuch hai jo ek shadi shuda ladki shayad humesha se chahti hai - ek ghar, khud ka pariwar, ek pati jo uska khyaal rakhe, usko pyaar kare.

    Shayad agar aaj aap kisi aur ke sath hoti jo aapse bhi kayee zyada padha likha hota, aapse zyada kamataa hota lekin kabhi aapko utna pyaar nahi karta jitna aap shayad chahti hain, toh kya aap khush hoti ?

    Yahan par aisi kayee log hain jinke sath zindagi ne kabhi, kisi waqt par itna bura kiya hai aur shayad aaj bhi kar rhi hai ki woh aapki jagah hona pasand karein.


    Mere khyaal se aapke paas aaj sab kuch hai jiske layak aap shayad hain. Zarurat hai aapko apna nazraana badalne ki aur unn cheezon ko kareeb se dekhne ki.

    Aur jaisa dusre logon ne oopar likha hai, angrezi seekhna ya padhna koi bohot mehnat ka kaam nahi hai. Agar aapke pati chahein toh ek din woh yeh bhi kar hi lenge, sirf aapki khushi ke liye, sirf aapko samaj mein oopar dekhne ke liye.

    Lekin, sirf iss wajah se ki aapke pati utni ahchi angrezi nahi bol paate, unko na-pasand karna, mere khyaal se sahi nahi hoga.



    I have written things above in as much Hindi as possible. Hope you understood it. If speaking or writing in Hindi makes me low in eyes of some extra hi-fi or VIP cadre people, I give a damn.

    Being an Indian, I feel proud in speaking Hindi and speaking English for me is just a mean for professional communication and not a symbol or means for show-off.

    I hope, I was able to make my point clear to you and if you feel writing in Hindi makes me ill-literate or any less educated, let me be very clear, it hardly matters to me what you or anybody here thinks.



    Shukriya !!!
     
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