i am failing as a mother

Dear hotchillipepper,
Big hugs to u. Parenting is not easy especially when u're doing it alone.
Try to more easy on the routines and schedules. develope a carefree attitude and concentrate only on ur dd. spend time with her with books or going out for walk for movies.
google for more easy kids recipe and involve ur dd in cooking so that she will be interested to eat it.
are u working? is there anyone to help with household chores? hire a cleaner to help u with that. how old is ur dd?

 

I hear you hotchillypepper.

From your post, the frustration is not with your little girl but with the lack of me time.

Some work is must do everyday, some are not and can be done every alternate day. Some can be done only by you like playing with your daughter, some can be given to others like ironing. Some household chores, even your daughter can participate and help you.

Take one day off, sit down and make a list of all the things you do in a day. Put them in the above mentioned categories. Actually, you and your daughter both can sit down and work on this list, making it a fun time.

Once you categorize the work, it will be easier for you to cope with. Doing all this along with your daughter will help you both bond better. She will also appreciate the effort you are putting for her and the house. Dont hesitate to take help, either from your daughter or outside.

We are not super women to do everything, even though we try to be ;-)

 

Dear hotchillipepper,

Relax!! and let go. Just don't be too hard on yourself. You don't need to do everything to the T, nobody is perfect. NOBODY, period! So its OK if you are not, once in a while.

If you need some me time to bring yourself back to sanity, which everyone does, and you have no one around and you need to send your child to watch some TV or play with your phone, or taking pictures on your phone camera, or making mess in your kitchen, its OK. You just need to keep them busy in a way where they will learn something or the other or improve their co-ordination skills. And steal some time for yourself. Once you have relaxed, you can handle other problems, more peacefully. Children needs a lot of patience to be handled properly, but they too need some discipline, if they don't behave as expected. So be firm on what you want her to do, and don't feel guilty about it. Like you want her to get dressed for school, which needs to happen within a certain time, else she will be late to school. So make it clear to her that you have 10 or 15 mins time to dress up, no mater what, you have to do it everyday. Tell her when she co-operates with you, you feel happy and if she doesn't you get irritated and sad, which makes you shout at her, or whatever. Let her know what you feel and why you feel so. They will learn. When they see us how we handle our emotions, they too will learn to handle theirs in a proper way. But if we keep hiding our emotions, they also will not learn.

My son takes great pleasure in making me run after him, in the whole house. I mostly tell my son, mumma will get you ready, if you co-operate fine, else you can do it yourself, and let me know when you need some help, i am doing xxxx while you get ready.And this works!! After few mins he will be back, mumma please help me get ready or please do this, i am not able to do it. This way i am not on his head to hurry up and also can get some work done in parallel, he also learns how to do it, and feels a sense of pride, that he did this or that on his own...both parties happy

I feel, you are doing just fine. Only thing is you are being to hard on yourself. Its OK if you can't do something this day. Its OK, if your kid didn't like what you cooked, give her some milk or fruit instead. Its OK, if you let her watch some TV for a day to get some me time(unless you make it a practice). Its OK, if you shouted at her one day, you too are human. All of us face these things, don't take them too seriously.

 

Oh dear, hugs o you. I totally get it when you say you have to do everything on your own. Many a time, I also feel hot and lose my temper. From where I see, it appears like you are frustrated at the lack of time for yourself. I dont even remember when was the last time I went for a facial (i am doing it a home itself). I get it...

My DD is like yours in a way. She wants momma all the time. Sometimes its frustrating as she has room full of toys and shelf full of books within reach but she still wants me. But what I realized is, she doesnt need me to play with her but she needs me to involve her and stay with her while she is doing her thing. I have moved many of her big toys towards the kitchen area so that she can be close to me while I am doing things.

You didnt mention her age. Is she at an age where she is capable of dressing up on her own to school? If yes, I agree with PP. Keeping deadlines will work.

Let me assure you, I also send her to watch TV at times. Even after knowing all the evils of screen time, I do that just to make sure I get everything done so that we can head out to the park or play in the yard etc. Of course its not the best way to go about it but when you know you can spend quality time without being irritable only after you get things done, I see why TV can be a life saver.

Another thing is, you need some time to really do nothing. All-Inclusive resorts type. Is there anyway your DH can take 3-4 days off and you guys can get to go to a vacation? I think that will recharge your batteries.

Another thing to remember is, make her feel involved in what you are doing. That helps me immensely. Even if you are pulling the weeds in the yard, you can pull the weed and ask her to put that in the weed bin. You can buy some chalk and ask her to draw on the sidewalk while you do the gardening...basically keeping her close. Not sure if it helped...

Seriously, all-inclusive resort at this point will help you a lot.

 

Dear Op...we have all been there. Everyone of us probably wanted someone to just take the kids away for a few hrs and leave us alone. You are doing a great job...mostly alone.And you are not lying when you say you are missing her papa.....It's not easy when you feel lonely and want that bear hug really bad. Cut yourself some slack.

I used to relax by giving my girls my hair to style. They would comb my hair and then decorate my head like a Christmas tree with all their clips and ribbons. Their little hands were very relaxing.Find some relaxing activity with her. Tell her to massage your head or feet and then reward her with some thing special that she likes to eat.

 

You are a Great Mom.
Repeat this everyday. Everytime you feel frustrated.
It is just a matter of space and a lack of time for yourself. This phase too will not last in some years time you will have time to yourself too. And yes you deserve the love.

 

I totally understand how you are feeling coz i too go through very often. I keep losing patience with because of the lack of me time.Have some time for yourself. After she goes to school go out with your friends. Or are your parents nearby who can take care of her fora few hours.

Why not arrange something with kids her age where she can go to her friends house or her friend coming over for a few hours. You may have friends with kids her age. arrange something that mommies can have some fun time and kids have some fun time of their own over the weekend or holidays. If she is old enough why dont let her join some drawing or any kind of hobby classes or any summer camps if the vacations are going on.

Evry mother goes through this. You are trying your best as a mother but you are also entitled to some 'me' time. Definitely not a failure. There are many who go through this
,parenting is not an easy job esp if you have to manage on your own