Abnormal husband, abusive marriage. cant handle situation.

Supriya, I am 100% sure you have your own valid reasons to stay in the marriage. And since you are sure he is gay, its probably why he chose to stay away from you and go to a different country. He couldn't come out in open and so, he was forced to marry you, pretty much sealing your fate.

My suggestion is not separate ways but just ask him what he wants from you in the long run. Does he want kids, does he want this life with you? At this point it looks like you both are forcing yourself on each other which is neither pleasant nor useful for your emotional well being. may be going to a counselor will help. Maybe he will come-out and say what he really wants. Assuming he is gay and he is running away from you, there is no point in perusing this relationship.

And as for the kids, you don't need to be married to him to have one. Legal adoption is an option, if you don't want to consider re-marrying. Everyone wants companionship and I am guessing you want a child because you have no one to share your love. It will all happen when the time comes. You really dont want a child in this messy situation. Your child needs a happy-home. Right now, neither of you are happy.

Please try counseling.

P.S: If I were you, I would be applying for separation. He is abusing you physically and thats a reason enough for me to divorce him. I, however, understand that some cultures are conservative and maybe you will face serious issues with the rest of the family and are forcing yourself to stay with him.
I cannot imagine a woman trying to kiss me wanting to do things with me. I would be disgusted. If he is resisting physical intimacy, you need to stop for your own good and create situations which will force him to speak out (counseling).

I am not going to call you crazy or anything like that. You are finding ways to mend a marriage. I get it.

P.S 1: OP, also remember, being gay is not a crime (not sure about UAE). Of course, what he did was wrong (hiding the fact before marriage) and then started abusing. If you do end up having his child and part ways, you will tell your child that the dad was gay and you thought it was best to partways. The child will understand. Maybe it will be a huge scandal where you live but the child will understand.
There is no shame in being gay. Tell you husband that. But hiding it and abusing you/having an EMA is something to be shamed about.

 

It's really commendable that you still want to continue with the guy. It is unbelievable to come across a person like you. I assume that financial and/or social security might be your main concern.

If you have already found out his orientation and he knows about it, just have a little more braver talk with him which is to tell him CLEARLY that you have no problem with his orientation etc. All you want is some of his affection sufficient to give you a child to keep you busy. Affection can happen through medical intervention also, if indeed, you are happy that way.

Since you are bent upon continuing with the guy for whatever reason, he must do that much at least. Otherwise I have known these guys never to change. In a similar situation with the sister of one of my friends, her husband with similar orientation but who married her nevertheless under social pressure ADVISED her to have fun and if she wanted children also with other guy.......on the first night of her marriage. She was shocked beyond her imagination but took the courage to tell everything to her mother after a month and successfully came out of it within next few months with mutual consent without any fuss on either side.

 

You can't turn a gay man straight.

We can't change people or magically create some feeling in their heart for us, even by bearing a child (this misperception of "oh just have a child, things will improve" is the WORST advice ever...please don't bring children into an unstable relationship where both parties don't respect each other...it doesn't change them, and only complicates things). Having a child with a man who doesn't respect you, treats you with disdain/abuses you or cares enough about you enough to watch out for your best interests is never a good idea. Your DH is a selfish coward.

Expecting a happy future with him is wishful thinking and I doubt will go well. Feelings for someone are either there or they're not.

You've already received a lot of great suggestions from people and I agree, you need to think about ending a relationship that has no future as a married couple. You deserve happiness, you deserve a loving husband who desires YOU, you deserve a lovely family of your own.

Pining away for this man will not get you anywhere and I understand divorce could be humiliating and hurtful process, but you will be happier once you move past this marriage and focus on yourself. If you lived 3 years without this man, I presume you are independent on some level and have already proven to yourself that you can have a life without him.

Also, please don't blame yourself for his behavior. His fault is not that he is inclined towards men, but rather he only watched out for his best interest in marrying you, abuses you, and exploits you by keeping you in an loveless marriage to keep his own status pristine and to keep his "cover life" up where he doesn't care about his commitments towards you as your spouse.

 

If you are sure, he is a gay, then , there is no sense in waiting for any change, OP. He will continue to live the way he is, for the rest of his life.

That is the simple point I want to drive home.

 

If this reality is acknowledged by the length and breadth of every community, then there won't have been any need for gay men like OP's husband, to marry a hapless woman like OP, just to avoid the taboo of being a gay in front of the society.....and to devastate the entire life of so many other hapless women like OP !

Section 377 of Indian Penal Code enacted by the British in 1891, making gay men criminals, was declared unconstitutional by High Court of Delhi in 2nd July 2009.

From July 2009 on, being a gay was not a crime in India.

But, the conservatives who wanted being a gay a crime, went ahead to Supreme Court, challenging the above High Court judgment. Alas ! They won !

The Supreme Court of India (sadly ) on 13th Dec 2013, turned down the High Court's judgment dated 2nd July 2009, again making being a gay , a crime.

Sadly again , Govt of India, has chosen not to go on another appeal, like curative petition etc,.

Technically, being a gay in india is a CRIME, now.

Sad, but true.

Sorry for the diversion.

 

I am not able to understand the logic in the thinking you have expressed here to a point that i doubt that this is real or there are some missing information.

On one end you say he is abusive, gay, yet you want to stay with him.
On one end he is gay, yet he is able to be intimate with you (I don't get normal/abnormal part but that's beside the point).
On one end you are tempted to have an EMA yet you don't want to leave him
you want a child with him so that you don't get tempted for EMA. I don't see a connection here. How would a child stop you from having an EMA as the cause for the temptation of EMA will still exists (he being gay, not interested, abusive)

Him going away for days with no whereabouts is a cause of concern. Is he having a job or is he earning money? He doesn't look like a father material.

In any case, get yourself tested for HIV and stop having any intimacy with him.

As many have said, leave him and start afresh.

 

Best way is to part ways because you cannot change his orientation.
If at all you stick to him then do not bring an innocent child in this setup. Do not make your life more complex by having an EMA. If you are interested in other men then get rid of this one first.