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What should i say-urgent help plsss

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swapna135, May 20, 2014.

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May 20, 2014 #21

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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swapna135 said: ↑

thanks for your response yatin.... while considering my career i can never compromise on the career part becos no ways my husband is nice and supportive to me in those terms. he always has a fidelity issues over me... already i have sacrificed enough and enough craving for his true love and affection which i never got... he has lot of ego, since he is less educated than me... he has more and more of inferiority, i tried sacrificing my jobs earlier but never got any financial support from him. he has zero respect for me. he feels that he is a man so i am supposed to do what he says and wishes. his anger outbursts are just disastrous. he has gone to the extent of abusing my mother as well and hitting me black and blue several time for which i have pics and medical slips. 9 years of my marriage i have seen him always putting me down, making me feel weak, and make me responsible for all the fights that has happend, never takes any initiative in resolving an issue and reuniting and when i do it he takes it for granted and says u go like and dog and come back like a dog. donno wr u had gone for all these months. he has directly asked my ex-boss my wife doesnot satify me may be she is enjoying with u and coming..... how much more should i take and wait for him to change....
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Sweety...just tell them you are married to a jerk and hence have no option but to work to support yourself and your children.You don't have the luxury of time to take care of the jerk's family.

yellowmango, May 20, 2014

yellowmango, May 20, 2014

#21

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May 20, 2014 #22

Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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Dear do not agree for anything like that. Think about your career and children. They are just making you a scapegoat so do not fall for it. I suggested you yesterday as well. Just move on from all this. This relation and relatives are only giving you pain. I do not want to be judgemental but as Dharmesh suggested I do not think your husband has any mental disorder. It's just that he has never learnt to respect women. Why is he imagining circumstances only when it comes to you why not with other members of family. Stay away and keep your children away from them. If you mil gets a pension, suggest them to appoint a nurse. That ways everyone will be happy. Concentrate on your career it will be rewarding in each and every way.

Joyoflife, May 20, 2014

Joyoflife, May 20, 2014

#22

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May 20, 2014 #23

Yatin New IL'ite

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OMG!! Didn't know your situation was that bad. There is just one way and that should lead you out of this messy situation.

Please DON'T compromise with your career. You must remain financially independent.

Out of courtesy and on humanitarian grounds you have already visited them. That's just good enough. No need to feel any guilt and certainly no one can dare to blame you.

Tell them politely that there can't be any coming back now. Look for peaceful ways to remain separated and try to get the divorce at the earliest in a peaceful manner, if possible. I don't know if I sound rude with this kind of suggestion. I But it just seems the right thing to do in your situation.

I cannot have any sympathies for a man who is disrespectful towards women and his own wife in particular.

Yatin, May 20, 2014

Yatin, May 20, 2014

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May 20, 2014 #24

yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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Agree with Yatin here.You didn't get ant dignity and respect from this relationship.You can deal with it in a dignified manner.
If you do not wish to go back to that man...just convey in a dignified manner that your marriage is over and you are busy trying to make a living for your kids.Please make your own arrangements.

yellowmango, May 20, 2014

yellowmango, May 20, 2014

#24

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May 20, 2014 #25

swapna135 Senior IL'ite

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yellowmango said: ↑

Agree with Yatin here.You didn't get ant dignity and respect from this relationship.You can deal with it in a dignified manner.
If you do not wish to go back to that man...just convey in a dignified manner that your marriage is over and you are busy trying to make a living for your kids.Please make your own arrangements.
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thanks yellow mango, yatin and to each and every one here who has sincerely adviced and suggested and given your opinions. infact you people have not seen me and i have not seen you but still you people are in a place to understand my situation, my concern and guide me. but a person who i loved and trusted and blindly agreed to everything of his needs, the so called husband for these 9 years and who has granted me with 2 kids, still never understood me nor had any respect and dignity for me. all ways with the suspicion and vulgar comments he has brought my life to this stage. if my career was not disturbed regularly by him always, i would have been in a very gud position today earning huge sum. but though i am double graduate from a reputed college with distinction marks i have joined a job different from my profile and earning less. becos i wanted job to keep me occupied mentally atleast. i could not sit and home and cry everyday and make my parents also feel sad for me. now i am in office. while typing tis tears r rolling out. though you people are outsiders to me, you provide me emotional support and strength like any other close frnd or a relative but people who called themselves as my relatives and closed ones distanced me saying being woman i am not adjusting to him, i have to bend down to his demands...

thanks dear frnds, with your advice, support and strength i can darely face this evening with those who are coming to make me a scape goat and push me into the dark well. thank u one and all....

swapna135, May 20, 2014

swapna135, May 20, 2014

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May 20, 2014 #26

tulip2012 Silver IL'ite

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All the best dear friend. Stay bold , you have had enough. Do not get blackmaied emotionally by them!!

swapna135 said: ↑

thanks yellow mango, yatin and to each and every one here who has sincerely adviced and suggested and given your opinions. infact you people have not seen me and i have not seen you but still you people are in a place to understand my situation, my concern and guide me. but a person who i loved and trusted and blindly agreed to everything of his needs, the so called husband for these 9 years and who has granted me with 2 kids, still never understood me nor had any respect and dignity for me. all ways with the suspicion and vulgar comments he has brought my life to this stage. if my career was not disturbed regularly by him always, i would have been in a very gud position today earning huge sum. but though i am double graduate from a reputed college with distinction marks i have joined a job different from my profile and earning less. becos i wanted job to keep me occupied mentally atleast. i could not sit and home and cry everyday and make my parents also feel sad for me. now i am in office. while typing tis tears r rolling out. though you people are outsiders to me, you provide me emotional support and strength like any other close frnd or a relative but people who called themselves as my relatives and closed ones distanced me saying being woman i am not adjusting to him, i have to bend down to his demands...

thanks dear frnds, with your advice, support and strength i can darely face this evening with those who are coming to make me a scape goat and push me into the dark well. thank u one and all....
Click to expand...

tulip2012, May 20, 2014

tulip2012, May 20, 2014

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May 20, 2014 #27

MrsBV Gold IL'ite

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OP they are only emotionally blackmailing you... please please dont go until you are sure that your husband understands your expectations.. your inlaws need to know that they cannot think you are available at their beck and call. it is ok to say no here. think first for yourself and then others especially people who have treated you so badly shouldnt be your priority..

MrsBV, May 20, 2014

MrsBV, May 20, 2014

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May 20, 2014 #28

VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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Dear Swapna

Till now ur DH shows no response. So u better stay away from this trap. Even if u leave ur job and sacrifice taking care of your MIL do u think u will get good response in return??? What if they turn back and abuse you?? No need to became a sacrificing person by compromising career and children's need when the other person does not deserve it.

VaniVyas, May 20, 2014

VaniVyas, May 20, 2014

#28
May 20, 2014 #29

RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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I feel like you still search for a solution to make everyone calm and stop them throwing things/ words at you. Please understand one thing for your own peace: They wont start to respect you irrespective of how you react now. Abusers, and they are all in one line with the abuser with supporting him which makes them somehow equal, abusers dont wait for someone doing something bad, they will digg like pigs in the ground to find something they can twist so much it will look like you are bad. So at this point it wont matter. You go there and take care? They will find something you did wrong and to scole you. You dont go there there? They will scole you for that.
Please just relax, you already know whats going to happen, so only thing you can do in my eyes is preparing yourself for the thunderstorm and relax.. as you know you did your best. Common, you even vistited her in hospital and you are seriously thinking about what to do and after all your mil did to you you seem still have some care!!! You are a good human being with great heart and lots of courage, no doubt in that. So go out there and give everyone back who says differently

RedRuby, May 20, 2014

RedRuby, May 20, 2014

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May 20, 2014 #30

Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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Go for it girlie, you deserve a world of happiness. Once you gather the courage to make up your mind things get easier afterwards . Do not let anyone walk over you. You have sacrificed enough.

Joyoflife, May 20, 2014

Joyoflife, May 20, 2014

#30

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