1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Unhappy Marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anjali10, May 18, 2014.

  1. anjali10

    anjali10 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    Its going to be a long story.
    This is background I come from.

    As a child, I never had a happy childhood. Either my parents were sulking or fighting or blaming. There were no laughs or moments of pleasure.

    They had high expectations from me.
    They always criticized me and I never had individuality.
    They would never see my point of view or even listen to me or understand my feelings.

    If I had gotten a gold medal I was a good girl. If I had washed dishes I was a good girl.
    They taught me that love was not unconditional. They said they were doing their DUTY to bring me up. I was made to believe that I was lucky to have them as a family, her as a mother.

    She called me ugly, waste, minus and useless.

    They would want awards, accomplishments, do household work to get their smile.

    When I succeeded academically, profesionally they started attacking my hubby, son and in laws.
    My mother encouraged me to divorce my hubby instead of trying to settle the differences.
    She was successful in my bro's divorce twice.

    When i was having child issues, she announced that my life choices affected my kid.

    Constant criticism, nagging and demeaning made me break.
    I fought against this, excelled academically and professionally.

    I fell in love and married at age of 24. I have a kid of 5 years.
    I am 33 now.

    My in laws have been living with us for past 7 years.
    My MIL interferes with parenting and pampers my son and even now pampers my hubby(only kid).

    I am not happy with the way my MIL's grand parenting. I have kept telling my reservations or objections to the whole family. ILs cannot refuse the child. I get frustrated. Child keeps watching tv till midnight and many more things.
    I have pleaded with my hubby that we stay separately. He does not want to do so for obvious reasons.

    My hubby is not used to doing much work. He does not take care of kid nor help me in domestic chores or come along with me to relatives/friends functions or events.
    I always go alone and end up being embarassed. He does not take care of me when I am sick -giving medicines, cooking suitable food, taking care of kid or taking leave on that day.

    I have realized over time that they are not bothered about my feelings. There is no respect for my words. My MIL is already playing the wife and mother role. Both my kid and hubby are getting food and pamper from her. All of them are happy. While I go out and work and get money for the family. My hubby is doing an OK kind of business. My income definitely supports the family, otherwise my hubby needs to use his savings for running the house.
    I dont understand my hubby's words on how the business does ? soemtimes he says it does well and then he says there is no money. He has no idea how much money is needed per month to run the house.

    I have asked my parents for talking to my hubby and understanding how much money he brings and generally ask whether he is keeping me happy etc
    They are not bothered.

    I am also frustrated. Moreover, my son does not want to come to me, because he finds me strict because I don't give in to his unreasonable demands.

    Finally, when I said I am leaving the house. My hubby began to react and he says he will help me in domestic chores, take care of kid etc without separating from his mom/dad.
    I came to my mom's house. Kid did not want to accompany me and is fine staying away from me. Meanwhile, hubby says he has changed now etc.
    He will separate from his parents for my sake etc.

    But I dont trust him anymore.

    Basic tenets of marriage is not there between us - respect and trust.

    All these days he slept in the marriage, now when i have left the house they seem to have woken up and telling all sorts of things.
    He says they(ILs) will come back in 2 years to join us.

    What should I do ?

    Please let me know your views.







     
    Loading...

  2. HeartHealer

    HeartHealer Guest

    Hi anjali10,

    Thanks for writing to us.

    Seems like you're in a lot of trouble from your parents and your IL's side. Neither you husband nor your child seem to be in your support. Care to give us an idea why everybody in your own family, including your kid is so much against you and have been all this while?

    Usually, married girls face difficulties from their IL's side owing to their nature and ways of living, mismatch of ideas and non-adaptability towards each other's lifestyles. But, at least the girl's own parents are in complete support to her.

    I can understand your parents are against you because perhaps, you got married to a person of your own choice - a love marriage. Of what you have told us about your parents and their attitude towards you, involving yourself in a love marriage must had been a very tough thing for both of you and if I'm not wrong, you must have had fought a tough fight to bring things in place.

    Anyways, whether it was your choice or not, at least the parents should be supportive, if you're living happily. You cannot expect this parental support from your in-laws for obvious reasons, but you certainly can from your mother. After all, being your mother, she must have an emotional inclination towards her daughter.

    Now, the only person left is your husband, who must have had also fought strong to materialize things and make this marriage successful. If he really loves you and cares for you, if his efforts to marry you hold some meaning, he would help you out of this situation.

    Word of advise : Have a chat with him on a lonely place, where your parents or in-laws are not present to brain wash. Explain to him your unpleasantness and tell him that you expect him to mend things up for the sake of all the love you guys had before marriage, for all the feelings and for all the efforts you guys had put in to make this marriage happens.

    I'm sure he will understand your words and you both together will sort out things.

    Let's not discuss about finances right now. You have a serious situation on hand than the question " how much your husband earns? ". First, settle out things, go back to your home, re-unite your family and then later, we can have a talk about his financial support to the family.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. anjali10

    anjali10 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    My mother suffers from Narcissist Personality disorder. My father is aloof and non interfering. He is hurt understandably because of my decision regarding marriage. My son is very attached to his grandmother, she showers him with gifts and listens to him and treats him like God.
     

Share This Page